Jess couldn’t decide on a #name for her baby, so she tried some out with strangers. “What’s her name?” “Emily.” No, not an Emily. “What’s her name?” “Alice.” Nah. “What’s her name?” “Lara.” Perfect. “And yours, dear?” She paused. ‘Jess’ didn’t feel right anymore… #vss365

“Let’s stop for lunch,” said Jo. Chairs scraped. Eyes dropped. “I heard your tummy rumble,” the new guy laughed. “That wasn’t my tummy.” The roar came louder this time. “She gets… Hangry,” Ann murmured. He kept talking. Jo bit his head off. “He was warned.” #vss365 #lion

Tony laughed nervously. “Lighten up, Carol! Not everything’s a #dichotomous ‘innocent’ or ‘guilty.’ It’s not that simple.” “In the eyes of the law it is,” Carol said. “Where are the shades of grey?” Carol smoothed her hair. “That comes with experience.” #vss365

They said it served him right for getting a ferning pattern tattoo so he could say he’d been struck by #lightning. It was as though he invited the actual lightning strike. Once he was out of hospital, he promptly got another. This time, a lipstick mark. Worth a try… #vss365

You can be the most skilled of #tacticians: plot, write, rewrite, query. Plan the outfit. Rehearse The Call. Picture the feeling. The announcement. The book on the shelf. But the hardest part is the one thing you can’t control. Waiting. #vss365

“That’s it. I’m no longer a slave to the waxing & waning #lunar cycle,” she said on her 50th birthday. “Just… at my peak. All the time. Cheers!” The Flower Moon rose behind her glass, bright & unblinking. And never waned again. That’s when the howling started... #vss365

My blood runs cold. There she is again. The woman who appears before every new phase. I freeze. I don’t want change. “I see you at every transition. Are you a #psychopomp?” she says. “Me?” We both turn back the way we came. But I can already feel the air shifting. #vss365

A cat curled onto his lap. “I’m writing for the gazette. This is an all-female commune?” Barb reclined, stroking a tabby. “Yes. We bought it years ago for when we became widows.” “How did you know you’d outlive your husbands?” The #cats hissed. Claws dug in. “Next question, young man…” #vss365

Ian insisted #fishing was the perfect way to relax. “So we just sit here?” said Ex-Sup’t Carol, noticing two men across the bank exchanging an envelope. “Yes! It takes patience to get a catch.” Carol smiled, still watching the men. Maybe fishing wasn’t so alien after all… #vss365

“You wanna watch them,” says my neighbour as we approach my son’s new school. “They’re like a pack of #wolves.” Those little chihuahuas by the gates? Surely not! Then a sharp bite on my arm as we pass. Too high. Too hard. The mums giggle. And I realise he didn’t mean the chihuahuas… #vss365

She started wearing a #jade pendant, “to harness the power of nature.” Soon she was stronger, more vital. But the trees & plants withered. So she swapped it for turquoise. The trees recovered, but the sea darkened. I hid her diamonds. The stars twinkled their thanks. #vss365

“I heard there’s a shark-viewing #undersea restaurant on the resort,” I said. “There is,” the manager replied. “But…” “Table for 2!” I cut in. We’re led into a glass dome. Beyond it, dozens of sharks. Seated at tables. One points a fin at me. The waiter nods & heads towards me… #vss365

“Back in our day, there was none of this contouring & filter #trickery. Everyone was unique. Authentic. Real. Oh, to go back…” she sighed. Now she can only hope this world of acne, bullying & terrible denim is a nightmare, and she hasn’t just woken up in 1990… #vss365

I’m honoured to have been invited to a local book club that have read my book. “Welcome,” they say & hand me a robe. Candles flicker. “Just a little #investiture ceremony to make you an elite member.” They surround me, knives aloft. I guess they didn’t like the book... #vss365

He ordered the #seafoam dish to impress her. Only 12 hours to go until her legs would turn back into a tail. “Locally sourced.” The mermaid watched, spellbound, as the bubbles faded. “That’s how it looks,” she said softly, “when they finally go under… Fancy a swim after this?” #vss365

“This is the life, eh Carol?” said her neighbour, Tony. Ex Sup’t Carol frowned. “I’d rather still be working.” “I don’t miss it,” Tony laughed. “Took a #hammer to my work laptop the day I retired.” “That’s an offence under the Criminal Damage Act 1971…” Carol muttered. #vss365

They think they’re so clever at conferences, shoehorning a random #word into all their presentations for a laugh. They’ll regret today’s choice of word here, though. Local lore says mentioning it 4 times in 1 day summons The Flamingo. 3 so far… And 4. Here it comes… #vss365

Maybe it was my British-ness that led me to join the queue. “Sorry, are you in the queue?” “Sorry, yes,” said the man in front. I’m not even sure what it’s for but I’m not losing my place now. The playlist has completed a #loop & started again. We keep calm & carry on. And on. #vss365

"We get all dese #letters, but none of dem are soddin fan mail! Where's da legion of fans waitin on ma every wurd! Where's da fan art dat swerves from cute ta 18 fukin rated!" Riz complained. "Some of these bills are addressed to you." "Fan-fukin-tastic." #vss365 #riztherogue

Evelyn was known as a woman of #letters. Every day, she sat in front of her garden window, lilac scented paper in hand. She had a lovely long quill and stamp her niece gave her. It was such a delight to write her poison pen notes with them. #vss365

I find a stash of #letters in the attic from my childhood self. “Open when you’re grown up,” the envelopes say. They ask what advice I’d give my younger self. I answer every question. When I look up, I’m in a room I don’t recognise. “Mum?” says a boy who isn’t my son. #vss365

“I’ll risk it,” Dave said, dropping the eggs into a pan of boiling #water. “I’m sure they won’t kill me.” The eggs cracked open & the witches climbed out. “You’re wrong,” they chanted, pushing him in. He sank to the bottom. “…But nice & fresh.” #vss365

Dave dropped the eggs into the water. “Which way round is it again?” he said. “If they #sink, they’re fresh?” “Yep,” said Sean. “And if they float, they’re witches.” “No, I think it just means they’re old.” The eggs floated to the surface, cackling. “Who’re you calling old?” #vss365

He hated musicals, so his colleagues thought it’d be hilarious to #sing everything they said & dance every step they took for a day. “It’s your worst nightmare,” sang his boss. By 6pm, it was theirs too. They couldn’t stop. He waved on his way out the door. “Encore,” he whispered. #vss365

They reeled down the alley, clinging to each other, all giggles & gin. The #blind leading the blind. “Easy pickings,” he whispered, falling into step behind them. They heard him coming. And stopped pretending. “Easy pickings,” they giggled, knives ready. #vss365

He’d been gone 15 years. As she tapped her phone to pay, she chuckled. She took him to the #bank when ATMs came out and showed him how to get cash. Then she realized how much he enjoyed speaking with the tellers. What would he make of today’s touchless society? #vss365

Today, on my 67th birthday, I dip into the gratitude #bank and withdraw a thanks for the joy I receive being part of the #vss365 community of writers.

Still feeling the pinch of losing an hour? Roll on October & you’ll get it back! How will you spend yours? My mum #banks hers til the evening, savouring it over a glass of wine. My sister lives in the moment: an extra hour in the club. Me? I’m already in overdraft... #vss365

Bec sent Dave to HR for his inappropriate tattoo. “It’s a Rorschach #ink blot,” he said. “If you see something rude, it says more about you than me.” HR’s report said, “Bird tattoos are fine.” Bec laughed. Bird? As if! Also… what was with all the flying ****s in the sky today? #vss365

Ex Sup’t Carol searched everyone before letting them into the barbecue. “Checking for weapons,” she said, patting down Ed from no. 9. “Do these guns count?” he laughed, flexing first one #arm, then the other. “Compensating,” Carol coughed. “Ian, pop the chipolatas on, love!” #vss365

He notices the list on her #hand as she’s going through his till. “You forgot milk,” he says. “How did…?” She glances down & blushes. When she returns with the milk, new words are there. *He’s cute.* Now it’s his turn to blush. They flicker. Change. *Not you, silly!* #vss365

A very short story I wrote in the #sand It was something so witty And clever & grand But before I could capture The words of the day The tide rushed to greet them And washed them away If I could remember I’d re-write with glee But maybe they linger In the hiss of the sea. #vss365

Visiting my old uni, I tell my kids this was the spot we’d queue for the phone boxes on Sundays to #ring our parents. Sometimes I gave up waiting. A middle-aged man nods into the distance. “There’s one free,” he says. Glad I didn’t wait. There’s no one left to call now. #vss365

Susan’s writing was so neat! I borrowed her #pen, & hey presto! My writing curled into her exact loops & swirls. But it only wrote what was in her head. I failed my test. Later, it was all her secrets thatI spilled into my diary. “Don’t tell,” she whispered when I gave it back. #vss365

“It’s Mya’s birthday so I booked a kiss-o-gram,” Jo told Deb on reception. Later: “April Fool! Did you panic?” “Yes- but I did as you asked & found you a #man. Mike from HR. Happy birthday!” 🎶You Can Leave Your Hat On 🎶 Oops! Jo had forgotten I Deb always mishears. Hadn’t she? #vss365

Mum said her books were a way of ensuring she’d live on after her death. “I expect they’ll be #exalted then!” she’d say. They haven’t been. But at least she doesn’t know. “I heard that!” comes a voice from the bookcase. I make a note to pop them in the loft later… #vss365

The choir leader insisted Carol go along to watch a concert. The signals she was using to #conduct the choir. Carol recognised them. She needed Carol’s help. “What was this gesture for?” she whispered. “The Sopranos.” Carol gasped. This operation went even higher than she’d thought. #vss365

“Great audition,” said the panel. “But the character’s a #sprite, so…” Sally frowned. “So…?” “Sprites are meant to be… small. And thin. Sorry. Next!” The next in line stepped forward - a wisp of a girl with actual wings. “Wait here,” she whispered. “I decide who plays me!” #vss365

She used to play an #illusive game at the R shelf in Waterstones, where JK Rowling’s books sprawled possessively. “Wingardium leviosa,” she’d say, imagining them levitating, making space for her own books. And now it was a reality. “Rennervate!” came a voice. They vanished again. #vss365

She arrived in the lobby for her interview dressed in pyjamas, took one look at us & went back round the #revolving doors. “That’s better,” she said when she returned. “I was underdressed.” “But… you’re still in pyjamas,” I said. She smiled. “Yes. But now we all are.” #vss365

My fascinator #fascinates When worn to work Or on 1st dates On the school run M&S In the park While walking Bess But at a wedding? Ugh, no way! Far too common So cliché #vss365

Marg & Bill were excited to welcome the first B&B guest into their home. “Welcome! Lovely day for it,” said Marg. “They forecast a hurricane but I think they were wrong.” The woman pushed past her. “Yes. I’d say I’m more of a #tempest. Now… where shall I put my bags?” #vss365

Lyn reclined in the chair. “I keep having a #frustrating dream. I’m trying to get somewhere but I’m blocked.” “Is there something in your life you don’t want to face?” “No!” “What do I know? I’m just a dentist. Teeth, please!” Lyn sat up. “Hang on - I forgot something!” #vss365

Jess’s colleague asks her to #endorse the photo on her passport application. “This isn’t you!” Jess says. “It is! Just different hair. Your facial recognition is awful!” Jess hesitates, pen poised. Then signs. Later, she’s not even sure it’s her face in the mirror. #vss365

I #wavered. Should I? I could feel the weight of this moment, knowing I’d look back and either celebrate or regret it. “Yes,” I said. And I could almost hear my future self screaming, “Noooo!” I scream it now anyway. As loud as I can. Just in case. #vss365

I still #divide everything in two. Tea. Cake. Even the last biscuit. I lay it down on your grave. One for me. One for you. They say I shouldn’t come here so often. It’s not healthy. But you *are* eating more these days. #vss365

The town was always #overcast and no one ever seemed happy. Amy tried to fix it with smiles, chatter & relentless cheer. Said it was them, not the sky. They had the power to lift it. When she left town, the sun finally emerged. And the collective mood stayed the same. #vss365

Tess’s characters argued so much she wrote in a therapist to #mediate. “We used to get on fine but lately it’s like someone’s trying to control us,” they told her. Tess’s doorbell rang. The therapist barged in & took her laptop. “This will save their marriage,” she said. #vss365

‘Cake!’ Jo cries, her arms shaking as she lifts the barbell. Her PT grabs his lunch. ‘That was the safe word, remember?’ she groans under the crushing weight. ‘Help!’ hadn’t worked. ‘You said keep pushing even if you #entreat me to stop,’ he’d said. She sighs. ‘Prick!’ He reaches for a pin. #vss365

Thanks to a blessing From dear old St Paddy I’m now a Mummy And he’s now a Daddy So this is the day We always #partake In a glass of champagne And a big slice of cake Sweet 16 candles - Our birthday Queen Cheers to St Patrick And the girl in between ☘️ 🎂 💖 #vss365