Winnie the Pooh + CATS = Rum Tug Tigger

HAWT

I have the BEST idea for next year's Literotica's Winter Competition: Title: "Holy Infant, Spicy and Hot" Tagline: A blasphemous retelling of Mary's conception of Jesus This will surely be a story that gets me many upvotes, and writing it will not backfire on me in any way.

The police don't want you to know this, but there are free Christmas trees growing right by the highway! All you have to do is bring some rope and a saw and you can take one home for the holidays!

In Arthurian lore, Merlin taught Nimue all the magic he knew because she was young and pretty and he wanted to get into her pants. After she learned all she could learn from him, she imprisoned him in either a cave or a tree, depending on the story. He never did get into her pants.

Ok so on the one hand I know that ChatGPT is a fancy nonsense machine that's bad for the environment.

Maybe I shouldn't have had Sammi Elf get fucked up her butt. I need to write another sex scene with her partner but he needs to clean his penis off, first, or I need to submit an edit for the last story that closes it out properly, but edits take forever to be accepted.

Sammi Elf and her boy(friend) Tommy have just had butt sex in a cabin in the woods (his penis in her butt). I know Tommy needs to clean his dick before they do any other kind of sex.

For any romance, these things are true: - The story's midpoint is when the characters find out they're physically / emotionally compatible - The story's finale is when they find out they're spiritually compatible - The ending is "happily ever after" / "happy for now", never sad or depressing

Either I'm not nearly as good a writer as I think I am or someone or someones is/are purposely downvoting my stories. My overall average for all my stories combined is still 4.51 / 5, so that's neat, but I don't enjoy having my newest stories shot to hell.

"Remember to fill out the company's annual opinion survey but also remember that anything you complain about regarding upper management and/or the team you're on being understaffed and unappreciated is unreasonable" Boy I sure do love my job.

And "Sammi Elf Sweetens Her Sugarplum" is now live on @literotica.com !

Oh my...

Finally getting on the right combo of meds and getting therapy and getting a dog have really helped me come to terms with the probability that I'll never be a major published author, be in a relationship, get married, or have kids.

Fuck me sideways. Either *I* need to be the one who processes my tickets or I *don't* need to be the to process them, but this nebulous bullshit needs to end. I need to know that a system is in place, and I can't establish a system if everything always changes.

To everyone saying that Elphaba is a lesbian, I think that the musical makes it pretty clear that she's bi, or did you forget how much she liked Fiyero?

When you say that you're glad I'm coming to meetup events but I don't get invited to social activities outside the meetup group I can't help but feel rejected. Like, are you glad I'm here, or just glad that there's a warm body present?

Just got my newest @literotica.com story posted! It's a Christmas romance! Please ignore the editorial mistakes I missed 😖

Acute dialysis unit: Unit for acute dialysis A cute dialysis unit: A dialysis unit that is kawaii and adorable And now you know the difference

I know that HRT is working because my chest is starting to be what strains against my button-up shirts, not my gut.

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Eating as much as an elephant eats What are you at getting terribly fat? What do you think will come of that? I would blame the Democrats.

QRskT with something yuri (they're sisters <3)

My boss's boss, in a mass email to all 200+ people under him: "Now I know that with the holiday season coming up, some of you will be offered gifts of over $150, but we're professionals, so you have to get manager approval before you can accept them."

Just heard this GREAT theory: If you believe that sexuality is a choice, you're just bi but in denial because you're 'choosing' to be 'straight'

The Good News: big, friendly dogs are GREAT conversational icebreakers for strangers! The Bad News: Hopefully you're ok with that conversation only being about dogs

Making progress on my newest novel, "No More Dead Magical Girls". It's about Jess, a former magical girl who now works for a corporation, and how she gets pulled back into being a magical girl after she learns that the newest generation of magical girls are being killed.

The Dresden Files are copaganda

Me, yesterday: I think I managed to adopt a dog who's just like me! Me, today: Oh fuck he's just like me

"Ok, I just need to clarify and tweek this *one* thing in my magical girl story — and now it's another story about police reform" How does this keep happening to me?!

Finished my outline for "No More Dead Magical Girls"! It's about an adult ex-magical girl who has to become one again to stop a conspiracy that's targeting teen magical girls. If not for the fact that I have no art talent, it'd probably make a great manga or comic. For now, it'll be a great book.

Things started to get bad when we stopped treating Nazis like a joke, and started treating them like nightmares. Yes, they're bad, but treating them like joke villains took their power away. It made us think of them like clowns we should mock. Treating them seriously gave them the courage to act.

I have ... opinions ... about the No Kings protests. I have ... opinions ... about its name being changed in countries with monarchies (if you're an Actual Monarch and you didn't think we meant You Personally, we probably didn't). But, given the feedback I've gotten today, I'll try to be clearer.

I posted my story, "Raggedy: An Electrifying Evening", to Literotica (it's not erotic). Right now, it has a rating of 4.85 / 5 (so it's "Hot") based on 20 reviews AND it's an "editors choice" story! I'm pretty pleased. www.literotica.com/s/raggedy-an...

Me: "Yeah, but you should be able to have an R2-D2 text notification that matches the number texting you" Them: "If you ever want to sleep with a woman again, you won't say anything like that again" Me: "I'm 37, I've given up on that, I might as well get weird with it"

(K)inktober Day 2 - Bulge

The first "Men In Black" movie from the 90s did a great job of showing how fucking awful ICE was going to be back when ICE didn't even exist and it was just the border patrol.

If I had to update Magento from being a WW2 Jewish Holocaust survivor, I'd make him into a Palestinian from Gaza.

I'm circumcized and I'm a Lutheran. That means that if I ever went back in time to the medieval period in Europe, they'd either burn me as a heretic or think that I'm Jewish. My best bet would probably be to go to a Muslim country and hope for the best.

I don't think that Kamala Harris is disingenuous when she calls Trump a communist. I just think that she's stupid.

A conversation with my doctor last year: Me: I feel sad in the winter. I should get a sun lamp and bask under it like a lizard. My Doctor, smiling and nodding: Might not be a bad idea. Me: Oh, for real? They have those for people? My Doctor: They do.

Today one of my coworkers said that my playlist reminded him of Fallout, in the sense that it's a wide range of music that he'd not have picked for himself, but is very fun to listen to. I've never felt more pleased about my musical choices.

Some people only understand the language of violence. If we want to speak to those people, we need to speak to them in a way they'll understand.

My Friend: <empties their pockets to go through security> The Device: <does not beep> Me: <empties my pockets to go through security> The Device: <beeps>

On the one hand, if Trump dies in office, he'll become a "King In The Mountain" for conservative and far-right politicals. On the other hand, I don't care how much of a "King In The Mountain" he becomes as long as he's "In The Mountain"

Me: I'm procrastinating on writing the edits to my book! How do I get focused back on it? Me: I need to do edits to the smut romance before December Me: Oh hey wow there's that inspiration to keep working on my book

I really love how, in folklore, the main difference between witches and cunning folk* is that witches are assholes. Like, you don't have to have made a deal with the devil. You're just an asshole who uses magic to be a magical asshole.

Europeans: Oh USA, all your beer is so dull and tasteless! USAmericans: Yeah our corporate beers are all boring. You gotta try our microbreweries for good beer Europeans, upon trying: Oh. Oh, y'all got WEIRD with it. USAmericans, proud: Yeah, we did

Me: I'm not dehydrated, I'm just thirsty My Body: <Starts to sweat profusely as soon as I drink more water> Me: Ignore that.

The Lord's Sacrament of Holy Communion is unleavened bread and wine. The Devil's Sacrament of Unholy Communion, therefore, is sourdough and brandy.

What if David Lynch's films and shows don't mean anything, and we're actually supposed to take them at face value, and he's really disappointed that nobody ever does?