Me, used to living near gunfire in my neighborhood: "<Doesn't react when guns go off>" Grimstone, my one year old Great Pyranees mix, who has only been living in North City for six months: "<Barks like crazy when guns go off>" Poor doggo. He'll get used to them eventually, but it's a tough world.

You know, before I started therapy I thought that love was one of those things that just sort of HAPPENED. Like, you go out, you do the things, you run into someone, and if it's love, it's love! Now I know that that's not the case. Now I know that you have to LOOK for it. You have to SEEK it out.

I want a Weird Al tribute concert (or album) where the original artists all perform Weird Al's version of their songs, or his style cover of their band if he made that instead. I would pay good money for this to happen.

The good news is, I finally realized that there are several sets of real world terms that can be used to differentiate between people who give birth and people who impregnate that aren't just "Male and Female"

Ok, you're reading Jesus' lines for the gospel today. Don't do a Zapp Branigan voice. You gotta be serious, so you CANNOT do a Zapp Branigan voice

Me, as a child: How could "The Art of War" be so timeless? It was written so long ago! Me, now: Oh. That's why.

My nonbinary desire to be an e-thot is hindered by my equally potent desire to keep my mutton-stache as majestically large as possible. We're going to ignore my body dysphoria regarding my gut for the time being, as I've always had dysphoria about my gut.

wings for days ✨🪽

Andrew: The public doesn't like either of us! Why throw me, your brother, to the wolves?! Chuck: I CHEATED ON MY WIFE, WHOM EVERYONE ADORED. YOU DIDDLED KIDS. DON'T PUT US IN THE SAME FUCKING BOX.

Me: <Loredropping on my therapist> My Therapist: It sounds like you were raised to think that most people luck into relationships, when really that's a small number. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to actively pursue it. You can't just wait for it to happen. Me after hearing that: 🤯

Went to a strip club tonight, got a dance from a fellow nerd. She seemed as into it as I was. It's nice to pretend that you're wanted sometimes. 😌

Raise your hand if you want to be caught in a groundhog day loop because you have social anxiety and it would be nice to be able to "get the day correct" and learn all those things you wanted to learn but have put off because of life.

"You are really good at accepting criticism and critiques" Thanks! I thought more writers could do that. It's nice to know that my good nature is really shining through on that front.

"I'm sorry, I'm autistic! That's why I'm averting my eyes! I'm not just staring at your great tits. I mean, I AM staring, but not just because they're great! I mean - fuck!" Life as an autistic person who loves tiddies is hard.

Real talk: Men should be able to go on feminizing HRT and still use he/him pronouns. Just because you want a rockin' set of tits and a fine ass doesn't mean you can't be a he/him anymore.

"Aphrodite and the Cat" has a score of 4.18 with 11 votes, and I entered it as a contest submission, so I'm feeling pretty good! It's not gonna break the 4.5 point range, but I'm on with that. I'm still learning. I'm a B-grade writer for now, but I won't be forever as long as I keep at it.

"Aphrodite and the Cat: A fable Aesop only halfway told is finally finished" is now live on @literotica.com ! I am VERY proud of it.

Me, outlining the story: It's gonna be so sad. He'll leave, and she'll stay. She's unhappily married, he's giving her and her young son the chance to leave with him, but she'll say no. Me, writing the end first: Fuck yeah, so sad Me, writing the beginning: Well fuck. I guess maybe a happy end.

"There are plenty of fish in the sea, and she is a box jellyfish"

"The bottom line is this: people read your story. Some of them liked it, some of them didn't. But for a brief while, they were reading words that you wrote, about people you imagined, people who until recently only lived in your head. For that brief while, those readers lived in your world.

Posted this in "Non-human" on @literotica.com with a content warning ("Content Warning: This story contains themes of manipulation and unwanted arousal, along with their emotional aftermath. Please do not read this if those themes are not for you.") As of now, it has 600 views and 3 votes. Hmm.

First they came for the criminals, and I said nothing, for I was not a criminal, and besides, they probably deserved it. Wait, where are you taking me?

I think that @vancityreynolds.bsky.social would be a FANTASTIC "Harold Hill"

I walked into the kitchen and they were like this. My darling babies. 🥺😭

Aand my entry for the #BasedSecretsanta2025 is here with Asekeu s character and a minor coca cola mascot in a non AI advertising Enjoy and Merry Christmass

Per the MCU, Samwise is Captain America. Frodo is Bucky. Per the comics, Frodo is Captain America, while Samwise is Bucky. Discuss.

So I've got some beta readers in the wings to read my latest @literotica.com "Sammi Elf" story! Soon, if they like it and give me the go-ahead before the previous story's edits go through (I improved the ending so it bridges better to this one), I'll be wondering: Should I wait to post, or no?

Inside our heads is the most powerful computational engine that's ever existed. The problem is that we are running God Software on Monkey Hardware. Unoptimized Monkey Hardware, for most of us. AI is an attempt to run that self-same God Software on properly optimized God Hardware.

Take a screenshot of this GIF, and whichever new word you land on is YOUR word for 2026. Let's. Go.

Jesus, shitface drunk: Watch as I snap my fingers and make all the alcohol leave my body! <Snaps his fingers then bends over and vomits everywhere> Jesus, still drunk: 'S a miracle!

Remember everyone: If you're Good and Nice and Listen to the folks who are Rightfully In Charge, then God Himself in all his White Glory will bless you with Riches and Fame and Health. But if you listen to the Evil Socialist Commie Satan Worshipers, well, That's when Bad Things happen to you.

"Moria ... You fear to go into that bar. The dwarves drank too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the darkness of Kappa Zeta Delta ... shenanigans and tomfoolery"

Winnie the Pooh + CATS = Rum Tug Tigger

HAWT

I have the BEST idea for next year's Literotica's Winter Competition: Title: "Holy Infant, Spicy and Hot" Tagline: A blasphemous retelling of Mary's conception of Jesus This will surely be a story that gets me many upvotes, and writing it will not backfire on me in any way.

The police don't want you to know this, but there are free Christmas trees growing right by the highway! All you have to do is bring some rope and a saw and you can take one home for the holidays!

In Arthurian lore, Merlin taught Nimue all the magic he knew because she was young and pretty and he wanted to get into her pants. After she learned all she could learn from him, she imprisoned him in either a cave or a tree, depending on the story. He never did get into her pants.

Ok so on the one hand I know that ChatGPT is a fancy nonsense machine that's bad for the environment.

Maybe I shouldn't have had Sammi Elf get fucked up her butt. I need to write another sex scene with her partner but he needs to clean his penis off, first, or I need to submit an edit for the last story that closes it out properly, but edits take forever to be accepted.

Sammi Elf and her boy(friend) Tommy have just had butt sex in a cabin in the woods (his penis in her butt). I know Tommy needs to clean his dick before they do any other kind of sex.

For any romance, these things are true: - The story's midpoint is when the characters find out they're physically / emotionally compatible - The story's finale is when they find out they're spiritually compatible - The ending is "happily ever after" / "happy for now", never sad or depressing

Either I'm not nearly as good a writer as I think I am or someone or someones is/are purposely downvoting my stories. My overall average for all my stories combined is still 4.51 / 5, so that's neat, but I don't enjoy having my newest stories shot to hell.

"Remember to fill out the company's annual opinion survey but also remember that anything you complain about regarding upper management and/or the team you're on being understaffed and unappreciated is unreasonable" Boy I sure do love my job.

And "Sammi Elf Sweetens Her Sugarplum" is now live on @literotica.com !

Oh my...

Finally getting on the right combo of meds and getting therapy and getting a dog have really helped me come to terms with the probability that I'll never be a major published author, be in a relationship, get married, or have kids.

Fuck me sideways. Either *I* need to be the one who processes my tickets or I *don't* need to be the to process them, but this nebulous bullshit needs to end. I need to know that a system is in place, and I can't establish a system if everything always changes.

To everyone saying that Elphaba is a lesbian, I think that the musical makes it pretty clear that she's bi, or did you forget how much she liked Fiyero?

When you say that you're glad I'm coming to meetup events but I don't get invited to social activities outside the meetup group I can't help but feel rejected. Like, are you glad I'm here, or just glad that there's a warm body present?

Just got my newest @literotica.com story posted! It's a Christmas romance! Please ignore the editorial mistakes I missed 😖