Holyfedped.com New Worst Party map just dropped.

Our glorious leader has announced a "Total Reset" of trade relations with China. This is great news because we've gone through so much trouble to end up back where we started.

We are now offering 266 Bison Dollars to self deport through an app. We promise that we're not just doing this to mass collect data on immigrants to later arrest them and deport them to some gulag.

You really don't need more things. Billionaires however do need more things so they can stimulate the economy. It's just common sense.

Dear leader just militarized federal land near the southern border. Because nothing says good neighbors like parking an army at the border.

Proud to announce DOGE has located and cut funding for @schumer.senate.gov spine! Government savings!

“This country has gotten bloated and fat and disgusting,” Our glorious presidents had taken a bold step in calling out American health. We're proud to announce the Trump Health Guidance. Burgers, Golf, and keeping your heart rate down. We've only got so many beats, no need to burn them unnecessarily

Remember kids, just say no to drugs. Because that message was super effective and the war on drugs was an unmitigated success.

In accordance with recent announcements, we'd like to clarify that he meant KING. Kleptocracy Inherently in New Government.

Understanding the constitution is a base qualification of any government job. However we've found that qualified candidates are like Chicago dogs. Overdressed. Plain Ketchup and Patriots get the job done.

Why make more money when you can pay less in taxes and live in a toxic waste land run by terrible human beings?

Why trust the government? Trust instead in American Exceptionalism as instituted by some weird South African Immigrant. Tally ho! Embrace the future!

Due to increasing gastric distress among leopards, we are proud to announce the US Strategic Pepto Bismol reserve!

In another win against woke, Easter eggs may now only be Red, White, or Blue!

We are proud to introduce the office of Dunning-Kruger, TOP MEN with no knowledge of government operations will review all government operations for inefficiencies.

In accordance with our continuing commitment to making Canada the 51st state, We are proud to announce that Poutine is now an American dish and shall now be call Freetine. In addition, due to price constraints, Freetine shall be made with cheese whiz instead of cheese curds.

Red counties have suffered too long under the yokes of blue counties. Therefore we are putting forward a plan to seize the means of production and move them to red counties.

In an effort to combat DEI, all hot dogs must now be eaten with a knife and fork.

In an effort to drive down egg prices, we are announcing a ban on avian flu. Problem solved, you're welcome.

We would like to announce a new government agency! The Department of Ritalin & Ketamine. DORK will be led by Elon Musk, who plans to personally test the national supply of these key substances.

For every one dollar we invest in infrastructure, we get three to eight dollars back over the life of the project. For every one dollar DOGE cuts, Elon gets a cookie and Americans lose access to vital services.

School choice is just segregation and class war in a trench coat.

America only has the best programs, We're exceptional in every way

We gotta raise the retirement age, we promise older Americans will only benefit

Tax cuts for the rich, screw everyone else

Just the worst.

Just the worst.