whatever, parnas

medicaid switched me from mounjaro (which was actually working) to trulicity bc we don’t wanna be too effective smdh jfc this country

i forgot the veggies for the pancit so it’s just rice noodles, chicken, and seasonings, but the kids loved it and both even had seconds, so yay me

glad there weren’t smartphones in 1993 cuz there def would’ve been incriminating evidence of my working at chuck e. cheese and it was DAMN GOOD THING no one had a camcorder when i fell off the stage and landed on the food while dressed as that big ol rat 🤦🐀🧀🍕

nothing like witnessing “not all” guys tell on themselves 💪

there’s my dude “japanese super rat” kento yoshioka with that switch frontside 180 to late three-shuv lol wtffff 🔥🔥🔥 #skateboarding (ripped from “the no comply network” on instagram)

me: *reads well-thought out, well-articulated, well-educated posts by my mutuals* my posts:

oh no i forgot to buy veggies 😂 i guess we’re making a barebones chicken pancit, still gonna be good af, but need to decide on bihon or canton

making pancit today hell yeah 🙌🙌

woke up again with faith hill blasting in my brain smdh

i bought instant coffee [crows boos] but it’s for my office [crowd murmurs] and it’s illy brand [crowd cheers]

love watching japanese chefs doin the most with eggs youtube.com/shorts/gdgJp...

dunno why it took me over 50yrs to realize i can make peanut butter and chocolate chip oatmeal but today was the day and it was 🔥🔥🔥

lebanese news source al mayadeen on instagram just posted this

my mind is playing a faith hill song so loud in my head i hope it doesn’t wake up my partner and the dogs

not just in america but even scientists in china are disappearing what is even happening

i really hope they complete a documentary about all this before im gone

staged it just to justify his new ballroom smdh

i plan on being an utterly insufferable and obnoxious person when “it” happens

nerd prom more like turd prom 💩🩲

i don’t need to hear all that just tell me when he’s 😵💀 cuz i got a bottle of johnnie walker blue waiting

is he really gonna make us believe there was yet another hit on him cuz we didn’t believe his stinky ass mf the first time

sometimes i want a good napolitano pizza (my atf), sometimes i'll chill with pizza hut, but sometimes a mf wants totinos

trump: i'm gonna take the falklands uk: then we'll take back usa

nice try pretending you had a ceasefire meeting that you canceled shitpants

i’ve had gyro cheeseburgers but i didn’t know they’re nicknamed “vice lord burgers” lol why are we like this

energy drinks are effective, but not as gratifying and fulfilling as a good cup of coffee. like, i'm awake...? but not happy.

Shakti, yes, but Shock-G? Legendary.

patiently waiting for this damn edible to kick in

dancing to new order, wishing lesbians could see my inner cute lady

‘ello gov’na

i feel like influencers, no matter the intent or type, will be gross and cringey at some point, but will get a pass and it's weird

they’re replacing lincolnwood town center with an auto dealership. seriously?!

i am sick and tired of hearing how filipinos are being treated in their own country. we're kind people whose community principles are rooted in kapwa (google it), but if violence is your only language, my people know how to speak it too. www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvIH...

just took a sip of monster now i have an urge to wear oakleys on top of a baseball cap

still laughing about the time decades ago when i was at a super walmart in mexico and someone had frijoles and a tire in their cart lol "por favor, mijo, necesito frijoles tambien" jajaja

garrett's cheddar popcorn for breakfast

rodrigo duterte is fucked

“under control” by the strokes is way too slept on

our teachers tried *so hard* to make us pronounce that planet “yoo-rin-uss”

i keep forgetting that on social media, too many people don’t understand sarcasm or satire, and that it doesn’t translate well for them via text, but also i’m very bad at delivering satire and sarcastic humor

more like broke mind virus

i miss affording things

about to get faded on some bennies hell yeah druuuuugs *benadryl

ok just one last youtube video before bed youtu.be/yNwKYgM6SkM?...

jewels had a great batch of watermelon today so i'm full of watermelon and probably will give birth to one since i accidentally ate some seeds i will name it loko

i just bought a monster energy drink. next up is wearing deer camo and eating crayons.

there aren't antihistamines strong enough anymore so now i'm freebasing zyrtec

the mf in me bows to the mf in you

“namaste” me: