My dad had an HGV licence. By this guys logic I should be behind the wheel of a 40 ton truck on motorway surrounded by cars full of people. (I most definitely should not)

Bloody hell, good thing Oblak didnt get his fingers to that, thay shot from Gyokeres would have taken them off.

Stupidly doing another marathon tomorrow. A virtual one, so we're just running around the Berkshire countryside, no-one to cheer us on, and no-one to hand us water bottles and jelly babies. But we won't have to wait till 10.30 to start, so we wont die of heat stroke. Pluses and minuses I guess.

How late is the inevitable Newcastle equaliser going to be, I wonder.

I mean, the Equaliser from Havertz was great, really wonderful to see, but the noise from Neville was just.... ugh.

If we don't win the league this season, and it's looking increasingly unlikely, I just don't see how this team can get ever their heads straight to win it again.

Scientists everywhere: Nothing can exceed the speed of light. Eberechi Eze: hold my beer

And amazingly the same is true about Dowman's goal as well

I'm sure the stats guys will be more accurate than me, but I think the xG from that Gyokeres chance was higher than all of our previous 22 shots added together

That serves me right for criticising Gyokeres! That'll do.

If we don't win this, and it doesn't look like we're going to, there will be quite a few people saying bad things about this ref

Not sure i like this idea of having Saliba as our playmaker.

"Will someone make sure the cat gets fed, and there's a free bag of chips in the freezer that'll only go to waste otherwise"

Turned on the Spurs Palace game at 36 mins. Nearly turned it off when I saw Spurs were winning 1-0. I should never ever doubt Tottenham.

In my late teens, a group of us went to see a friend, whose family kept snakes, lizards and spiders. We were sitting on the sofa chatting. Then they told us that one of the snakes had escaped Then the lights went out Then one of us (who was petrified of snakes) *found* the snake.

I have some sympathy with Gyokeres, because when the ball gets fired up to him, if he challenges for it, the ref gives a foul the other way, but, i also have a lot of buts as well.

Just when I was thinking we hadn't had a set piece goal for a while. SALIBA!!

My mood when we break from snowboarding for a drink, and the hot chocolate is literally melted thick chocolate.

My only connection to Arrested Andrew is via an old neighbour who trained on helicopters at the same time. Said he was entitled and a useless idiot. Cant fault that.

4-0 to Arsenal already. Wow. Part of that is due to the difference in quality of players, but it's also down to a lack of knowledge. Premier league teams know how to negate some of our game because theyve seen us a lot. Wigan haven't had that luxury.

If my advisor gave me a shortlist of Mandelson, Osbourne and Bear Grylls for anything other than maybe as a contestant for The Traitors, my reaction would be to draw up a shortlist for a new advisor.

Just got in from a run. Turned on the TV to watch the football. Oh look, Spurs have had a player sent off. Immediately assumed it was Romero.

Havertz pointing to the badge as he celebrated that goal against his former club is pure chefs kiss

I apologise for my recent bad thoughts about Madueke's final ball...

Madueke takes a shot Commentator: "Thats off down the Holloway Road" To be fair the build up to the shot was excellent.

That piece of skill by Madueke is basically a player realising he's a level above the opposition and he can have some fun.

With this Arsenal performance I'm struggling to stop myself posting something really reactionary about the quality of our attacking signings. Gyokeres, Noni and Eze havent improved us in the way that Calafiori, Mosquera and Zubimendi have.

Hahaha, was just about to post that we all know how this ends, with ManU winning, Carrick being seen as the 2nd coming, (before ultimately being sacked in 18 months of course). We just do it to ourselves sometimes.

We've all been so worried and focused on a possible attack on Greenland by the US that we took our eyes off the Beckhams, and didn't see the nuclear missiles being readied by Brooklyn. Massive destruction.

Good and bad from that half. Bad, we were playing pretty poorly at the end. Good, we were playing better at the end, than at the beginning.

Feel like Kela needs to go down with a little niggle.

My mum just used to sew my name into the collar.

On the one hand, im so happy Gabi scored. On the other, we've got 45 mins to defend the lead...

29th December, Monday. Also known as 'Google how long cooked Turkey is safe to eat' day

Ive sat down to watch the Forest Man City game with a huge plate of leftovers. Will be spoiled by the obligatory Haaland goal in the first 15 minutes of course.

Football players take such good penalties these days.

Other than it being pretty funny that the US will be stuck with a load of stuff named after Trump, years after he's dead, I wonder whether his sudden urge to name pretty much anything after himself is because he's had some bad news about his health.

An Arsenal win that felt more nervous than it probably was. Everton didnt really have a chance and not a lot of possession, but... only 1 goal and some recent bad performances made it worse. A second goal, and we could have slept through the rest of the game.

I was hoping after a week off Arsenal would be really on it. Instead they look like they've spent the day Xmas shopping and suddenly realised they havent got anything for their other halfs.

Not sure what was worse, having to watch that performance or having to listen to Darren Fletcher on commentary. Anyway, thank God for Jesus.

Is it the Champions League? Then it must be a Martinelli goal.

2nd day of December and its salted crinkled crisps from the Danish advent calendar

1st day of December and the Danish adventure calendar offers up a packet of cheesy puffs. Yum!

Bayern Munich were worryingly good for most of the 1st half. Best team ive seen us play, probably since PSG last season. But 2nd half, man, we were so so good.

Ive now got a hattrick of "How did that not go in?" watching Arsenal vs Bayern. Can't believe we haven't scored

Has there been any one who is both as rich and potentially dangerously powerful as Elon Musk but also so emotionally thin skinned that their actions often provoke piss-taking in the extreme? He's the richest man in the world & yet the whole Elon vs important people debate with Grok was so cringe

Scotland are going to win the World Cup and Keiran Tierney's carrying the trophy home in a Tesco carrier bag.

People are saying its not too bad because we've got Hincapie and Mosquera, so we shouldn't be worried. But they haven't used my time machine and seen the injuries theyre gonna pick up next week.

Quite the challenge to do a worse job as a 'former PM' than she made as an actual PM, but Liz is making a good fist of it.

I've been fortunate enough to have flown from and to a shit load of different airports across the world. The idea that Heathrow is somehow one of the worse is pretty funny. I can only assume Noah Smith is suffering from massive jetlag and sells more subs when he slates the UK.