lol i’m too big for this car

i’m trying to get my character to cheat on his husband with Beefsteak They keep joking about it but they won’t fucking do it

just ran across this old beard picture from 22

tfw you are attracted to someone but then they make a strong style choice that you are super not into and then you aren’t attracted to them anymore

i mean…

The event at the bar tonight is “gear night”. Although, I think it’s actually, “who are all these people?” because

i accidentally let it snake down my leg

lol l was introduced to this straight guy last night who IMMEDIATELY had to tell me that he was straight and that he “tolerated you people”. I showed him my hand fan holster and he got super uncomfortable and said they were "too gay" and, "thanks for not strapping that to your leg."

glad my butt looked good from the floor

lol that band just hit me up to be a last-minute stage fagit again tonight. Kind of glad they did.

OK I need this shirt

I was jacking it with these three guys at the park and then I said, “I’m about to explode!“ And that’s when they finally realized where the incessant ticking sound was coming from

I wonder how many times a gay person has held up a joint/bong/etc and said to another gay person “Mary wanna?”

so I just married Topper today, but I’m worried about a couple of things A: he’s fucking obsessed with this huge dildo. He takes it out everywhere and just stares at it B: he confided in me that he is considering selling the house to buy more boy butt

i’ve been celebrating the album release. Last night, this really handsome guy had me over to his apartment and cooked me a wonderful dinner and we cuddled a little and had wine and watched a movie Tonight, I bought myself a bag of babybel and little baby bruschetta and I’m being lazy

me when i see a video of me moving

not me warming up my dinner for my new husband (Topper and i got married today)

MY ALBUM IS OUT EVERYWHERE if you do consider buying it, this would be the best place: masochistmonkeycircus.bandcamp.com

had a nice friendly 3way circle jerk with a black dad and a shorter latino guy I took off my shirt and they both immediately went for the titties Just the number of times I’ve been out at a midnight park with strangers sucking on my titties when I should be home in bed

when you…

I listen to a LOT of ambient music Sometimes, I will just play it softly on my phone speaker Just now, I THOUGHT I hit play on a track and I THOUGHT I heard it slowly fading in and then I realized that was just the exhaust fan in my bathroom spinning up.

Time to take these sweaty hot titties to the park. I hope I run into Madonna

ok i get it now

omg Madonna messaged me on Grindr what do I do Should I suck it

if you are pulling a fucking HOUSE on a trailer, maybe don’t try to zip in front of somebody real quick because, guess what, you’re not going to make it and the fagit that’s driving will have to swerve around you at high speed, laying into the horn, grateful that no one was in the other lane

cutting the liner out of your shorts only ever leads to trouble Full video you know where

when he’s wearing one of those metal bro chain necklaces

as soon as I see the little ✈️ on their profile

you know it’s time to wake up when the last 10 minutes of your dream is you wandering through a house full of shoes looking for your shoes that don’t actually exist Anyone else ever frustrate themself awake?

I just ran into a guy I’ve been texting with for a couple of weeks. We had never met before. I’m always very offputting when I meet guys, but I guess not this time

dear woo girls the gays actually don’t like that

made it out to eeyore’s funeral

when you wake up and roll over in bed and open social media and you see people are already drunk

so, I saw a handsome guy out at the bar and I tried to make eye contact, but it didn’t work So once I was determined to approach him, he had already left… So I found him on good old trusty Grindr and messaged him. I think that counts

this grindr square is the gayest thing I have ever seen

men deserve nothing fagits will inherit the earth ok no lesbians will but they will still let us fag around

IBS people: Diarrhea Here I go again My my How can I resist you?

DONT TALK TO ME UNTIL IVE HAD MY COFFEE LOL OR AFTER I AM HATE INCARNATE LOL

I remember back in 2009, I was looking at upcoming events on Facebook and I saw three in a row that were “zombie prom” and “zombie walk” and “zombie musical” and it was at that moment that I OD’d on zombies

The Mandalorian and Grogu (2026)

it took me five hours to put my album online last night (release date 4/30) I got to bed around 4 AM and I am STRUGGLING today, but at least work is easy so far I was zombie walking my way to bed and then I realized I didn’t put out the garbage and the recycling

album release date and tracklist reveal! It will be on all the services on April 30 I also plan on selling it on BandCamp

HEY WAIT A MINUTE

how I must look hitting on younger guys

hour 2. our systems (AWS) are still down and I have not been able to clock in oh no

tfw you break containment and a concerned mom comments on one of your posts (about Grindr) complaining about all the porn sites and kids and online ID

in case you thought those lists mean anything

not this guy messaging me on Instagram at 5 AM, that I’ve never met or spoken to before, asking me if I wanted to come fist him this morning Y’all get it together

every night I get in bed and I just think, “fuuuu lying down is the best thing that’s ever happened to a girl like me” just nothing feels as good as this