Sir Paul McCartney says he can’t decide whether he wants it to snow or not. “Looks nice but it can be a pain,” he chuckled

Santa Claus says he hates that California is one of the final stops on his delivery round. “The kids all want sports cars and plastic surgery,” he grumbled

Captain Sensible reveals his moniker is ironic. “I’m actually quite zany,” he giggled

Olly Murs asks if he can have swearing on his new album but his record label says no he can’t

Melanie Blatt says cereal bosses are talking bollocks when they suggest Crunchy Nut Cornflakes “taste too good”. “They’re not even in my top twenty,” she told reporters

George Galloway says can whoever keeps ringing his phone just to call him “Tabby McTwat” please refrain

John Barnes arrives at a Liverpool City Council planning meeting with an array of artist impressions showing a proposed £23m extension to his rap academy in Wavertree. “What you’re looking at is the masterplan,” he told councillors

Why Bird insists she is NOT ‘Celebrity B’ in the lawsuit against Jay Z

Friends of Olly Murs reveal he’s recently learned the word ‘penultimate’ - but now he’s using it too much!

First time posting a link on Bluesky - excited and delighted to see what happens 🌭 ko-fi.com/fakeshowbizn...

Stuart Broad says tattoos are getting out of control

Margot Robbie admits she’d love to watch someone really obnoxious get torn to pieces by a wild bear

Toni Braxton announces the first UK outlet of her go-kart repair shop ‘Unbreak My Kart’ will open in Essex in March 2025

Sir Bob Geldof says feck it, he’s going to take Ed Sheeran off the new Band Aid single and replace him with Michael Barrymore

Christian Horner finally plucks up the courage to ask Geri why she keeps following him to work

Girls Aloud surprise concert audience in Bournemouth by opening the show with sultry cover of Les Miserables favourite ‘Master of the House’

Benedict Cumberbatch heralds a “brilliant” start to his advent calendar with a small choccy in the shape of a Christmas pudding bringing the joy on day one

Billie Piper says why were there so many dance hits about castles in the 2000s? “King of my Castle… Castles In The Sky… the list is endless,” she told reporters

BREAKING: JD Wetherspoon owner Tim Martin announces plans to purchase Bluesky

Cara Delevingne says if you get matched with a workmate you despise in Secret Santa, it’s worth noting that LadBaby have a book out

‘Mean Girls vs Predator’ to arrive in cinemas on 23 December

Eminem unveils his new James Bond theme, ‘Everybody’s Getting Fucked’

Former Derby County and West Ham striker Paulo Wanchope spends 53rd week at number one in Costa Rica with blissed out cover of ‘What’s The Frequency Kenneth?’

Ariana Grande says it might not be the coolest thing to admit but she’s really getting into They Might Be Giants. “‘Cyclops Rock’ is my favourite,” she told reporters

YouTuber Jake Paul says he’s devastated by the death of John Prescott as he’d been lining him up as his next opponent

Walsall’s Christmas lights to be switched on by Brother Beyond and Jennie Bond

Vernon Kay says he was astonished to learn Pulp formed in 1978. “Ich bin gobsmacked!” he laughed

Matt Le Tissier says he bets the climate change crowd are feeling pretty foolish with all this snow!

Hue & Cry criticise new Netflix documentary about the 1989 disappearance of Linda Stirling. “They’ve made it sound like we killed her,” said Pat Kane

BREAKING: Joe Biden gives Sir Cliff Richard permission to fire US missiles at Daniel O’Donnell

Emeli Sandé admits for a long time she thought people’s Bluesky usernames were something to do with British Sky Broadcasting

Sophie Raworth returns to BBC News after serving six-week suspension for sneaking Rolling Stones song titles into her bulletin scripts. “This could be the last time I get away with it,” she told reporters

Idris Elba says he was today years old when he realised Los Lobos’s ‘La Bamba’ translates to ‘The Bamba’

Holly Valance notes that Asda has increased the price of its bags for life to 40p. “I hope all of you Labour voters are pleased with yourselves,” she admonished

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