Having one of those does everyone hate me mornings. I know it's not logically true but it feels emotionally so. I would have gotten really sad about this months ago but now I cope by withdrawing a layer deeper into the bunny warren. I hate to be a nuisance

More mouse stuff. I wanna post on main when these are finished... soon...

Working and going to school leaves me very little time to write and draw, which I hate, but I can't deny that the time is better spent this way. Being online constantly was making me genuinely bitter and insane and awful to be around, and my life is better without the Internet in my head 24/7

I have this horrible affliction known as having a crush on someone and then ruining it instantly when I let my feelings out around them. Being kind of cold and mysterious has been the winning strategy for me

Sitting in my warm blanket cocoon dreading going to work in the -10 degree weather. O God... please close my workplace for exactly one night...

My day is brightened when I see good paw art

I like to fool around with my mouse lately. This is an internal conversation

I notice everyone wants to have sex with Scooby Doo lately. Not judging, it's just interesting

Ok self indulgent musings on turning 30 because I know I'll forget to do it tomorrow/won't care by then: 1. I feel older and more mature than I ever have. I feel like I have permission to be confident and stuck in my ways now 2. Scary! Time goes so quickly! Just yesterday I was 25!

When you're making a left at a green light and correctly (!!!) yielding to oncoming traffic and the car behind you honks 🙄 I'm not killing myself so you can avoid being mildly inconvenienced for ten seconds Harold

I made it! I'm putting work completely out of my mind now. It's cold and windy today and my house is freezing. I wish I had someone to cuddle but alas

Working my double this weekend... There's like a foot of snow... And it's close-open... Pain... Pain...

Anyway, it's not that I'm entirely uninterested in sex but I need it framed in a certain way to get into it. I've heard it described as brakes vs accelerators and I have more of the former than the latter. Oh I also need to be completely relaxed with someone and we can't jump right into it

I want to talk about this on an nsfw account because I saw someone say the same thing some time ago. But it's hard to shake the pressure to perform sexuality to avoid questions or making waves, so I tend to just go along with things unless I meet someone in person

I made good progress on this but it's on my mind again so I'll vent about it briefly: I have a (somewhat) unique relationship with sex compared to most other gay men and it kind of alienates me when I talk about it with other people

"getting over" child abuse isn't really something you just do, but I've made peace with what happened to me and can accept who I am despite it all. That's progress.

"I'm miserable and hate life. You know what would fix this? Having a baby"

I think it would be received poorly by most furries but I think the Tomcat rat is very cute

Reddit is consistently the most miserable place on the Internet

Treating myself to one (1) vent post: Being gay is extremely isolating and sucky sometimes (usually). I thought that when I came out I would find like-minded gay men and queer community but honestly I've only ever had luck online. I'm basically closeted atp and my life is arguably better for it :(

I'm so glad to have finally internalized "people irl: hey man how's it going" because I think current events would have made me extremely annoying and insane online otherwise

A rabbits gotta do what a rabbits gotta do

In the beginning, God made a heavenly plant... and its name was cilantro

There are "me" problems and "you" problems and I think that the majority of things that bother me are the former. It takes a lot of humility to acknowledge it but I was wrong in trying to get other people to solve those problems for me. I can take it

I didn't know who I was so I couldn't be myself. When I stopped trying to be like everyone else my life got a little better

youtu.be/a5Mj3EeYiKc?... This video encapsulates a lot of my thoughts about my presence online

Why get a cat if you're just going to yell at it

Ok I'm done

"Only black person at the venue" syndrome must be studied for the psychic harm it causes

I don't want to get hashtag political but it's genuinely very scary and aggravating to watch things happen and be completely powerless to stop any of it

Ever since I accepted being some flavor of asexual I noticed that I have no need to chase validation of my gaiety with hookups or external signifiers. It's actually kinda isolating and it makes me feel "less" gay sometimes but it's way more peaceful than trying to Prove Something

God... O God...

It's a dog eat dog world out there. Lucky for me, I'm a rabbit

Being a capital F Furry means much less to me now than it did earlier this year, but I do miss the excitement and belonging I felt at MFF. Trying to stay focused on feelings of connection and engagement and not succumb to the deeply rooted alienation that's been killing me for ages

Okay... Giving up on medication and therapy and totally restructuring my social circle and expectations of people has improved my life vastly and I hate that I feel weird talking about that, but I was extremely messy and confused when I subscribed to the medalicalist model

Thou shalt not ruminate however

Thinking about the time I went alone to a gay bar thinking I could hang out and have a nice conversation and was ignored by every person there except the bartender. Also I was one of three people of color. Haunting

Having one of those do all the furries on bluesky hate me moments

My life got exponentially better when I stopped arguing with people online but true inner peace still eludes me. Letting people be wrong is a neutral action, after all

Now that I'm fully private I can talk in my diary without embarrassment. Sometimes I get those heart pangs when I see cute relationship media... I alternate between not being bothered by being alone and also being so afraid of it. It's scary how little I relate to anyone and anything

Jason Vorhees is a rabbit like me

Learning that it was autism and not me being some broken freak of nature has done a lot to heal me but at the same time it feels so sad, knowing that I have these hard coded deficits that make life more difficult

I'm a little mouse. I'm safe in my house. I'm a little mouse, I'm safe in my house.