Are all pilots whores?

Sometimes when I think about my future I feel a tightness in my chest like my body is grieving something I haven’t lost yet The humble carne asada taco:

Next year in Margaritaville!

I wonder if the rotisserie chicken in my fridge ever daydreams about me

Yearnie Sanders

LOVE SNIM

This homo should not have. A phone

This homo has a phone

The bug guy can get it lowkey

Having sex with skinny people is weird. Where is the rest of you

Glitter is just gay sand

15 minute mac n cheese?? It takes me at least 45 minutes to turn my neighbor’s dog inside out

Reminder: you don’t need to cum to have good sex!! I do though

You ever see a man so hot you wanna firebomb a school bus

Penis,.. but her jelly 🧐

The poop man cometh

You ever have sex so good you propose mid thrust

What’s wrong babe? Are you mad at me? Is it because I almost choked to death alone in my apartment

“Friend with benefits” is so overplayed. I prefer “my buddy that I touch sometimes”

Rolling up to the gig with my petal board (I love flowers and don’t know how gear works)

I’m so lucky I was blessed with a name that’s gender neutral AND moanable

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Lick a man’s neck and he’ll moan a little

I got divorced cause my only real commitment is to the bit

Idk why they call it dry humping, I’m literally wet the whole time

I’ve been realizing I have more free will than ever before. 2026 is gonna be my year of Liberated William

Identical twins are just one guy who’s two guys

Apparently there’s a secret menu item at Waffle House called the “back rub” and it’s where they rub your back

Hoping to go camping with my outdoorsy baddie so we can roleplay mosquitoes (sucking each other off by a campfire)

If you’re the last guy my dms are open

Every friend group got the funny guy, the gamer, the loner, the chill one, the ghoul, and the guy with a praise kink who needs to be lovingly dominated

just letting everyone know I got to use this line irl last week and it killed

I hate when I put spinach in a pot of soup and it immediately disappears. Where are you going baby

PG never have I ever is so much more fun. What do you mean you’ve never eaten a strawberry

The year is 2032. I tweet about boobs and donald trump commands his twinky eunuch to remotely detonate my IUD

I fear the government will use my tweets to figure out when I’m ovulating

Vanilla sex is not quite enough but spicy sex is a little too much for me. is there such thing as nutmeg sex. Brown sugar cinnamon sex perhaps

my hookup: I’m into degradation me, throwing tomatoes: boooooo 🍅

me (to the other girl in the threesome): is this guy bothering you

Set my tinder to butches only, call that a masc mandate

You know the orgasm is good when you start moaning in Romanian

The best part of a new relationship is the thrill of the chase 😉 This girl is running fast as fuck though

The WOKE LEFT is ruining the sanctity of MARRIAGE. Marriage should ONLY consist of ONE MAN, One WOMAN, and ME. We are IN LOVE

New drink: the Chicago handjob. GHB, Malört, and Mountain Dew code red

My toiler flush now. Big moves 💪🏻🔥💯

I wanna move to New York not just for the Sex, but the And the Th City

So long as it jiggles, I draw another breath

Shawty squeaking in the walls again

Somehow I gained like 7 pounds today??? All I had for lunch was a quesadilla and 4 hammers

I’m wearing pants like you wouldn’t believe