The Chemical Brothers CAN’T be back with another one of those block rockin’ beats, because they NEVER left.

Ghost is the most ABBA a makeup goth band has ever been.

I was 15 or so when I realized I wasn’t interested in limiting myself to what was presented to me, and ever since I’ve been a man out of time, never interested in what the current pop cultural moment is producing. I get a sick thrill off finding obscure and obsolete relics of culture.

At some point, they changed the lyrics of “California Dreamin’“ from “Stopped into a church and pretend to pray” to “began to pray.” Really odd.

“Big Bsmboo” is the biggest, cuddliest, sleepiest panda bear you’ll ever be grateful to hug.

I was in the room, early on. Won’t say which bot. “Why don’t we just trigger the Suicide Hotline if the topic is broached, universally?” “Because girls joke about killing themselves CONSTANTLY, it would disturb conversational flow.”

They must need to distract us from something, telling us the name of the virus this early in the game? I remember Ebola BEFORE COVID.

I’m getting closer to the end of my zine. It’s a rant-ifest, but I’m trying to be clear and sincere.

The never ending quest to perfect fried rice continues with yet more practice.

Cruises are a recurring source of pestilence precisely BECAUSE as strictly leisure based businesses, there would be no reason a government would lift a finger to change them.

You realize that the Monster Mash was a response to the Mashed Potato, which was a response to the Twist, and all of this happened WITHIN THE SAME YEAR OF 1962? We talk about time speeding up but that was fast even for fad dances.

Sometimes you just gotta flout established convention and the sayers of "nay", shout "Fie!" to the heavens and curse the consequences, hike up your trousers, and Twist.

I love eating Raymond noodles, mashed small with my fist on the counter and then with as small an amount of tap-hot water as possible so as to concentrate the flavoring packet powder. Sincerely, The Emperor of Japan

"The world is my Osterreich!" - Charlemagne

My mother is a twisted, transphobic wreck to whom any genocide is satisfactory so long as gender norms are enforced in the Target bathroom.

I’ve lately been asking the cards ABOUT the cards, and I’ve gotten such a tale of woe out of it.

FINALLY MY CHANCE TO FEAST LIKE A SARLACC

The reason it’s going to backfire: do you REALLY think Granny Patriotic is going to wait in line with the entire county’s back population? No. They are not.

The Gordonmobile lacks speed, firepower and durability, it outdoes the Batmobile in branding.

"Civil War 2 will be a piece of cake, we'll have it won in a week, then you're a king by the 250th."

The invention of cheese is miraculous. "I must take HOW MUCH milk solid into that cave, and leave it there for HOW LONG?"

Pssst.... do you want to ACTUALLY address childhood obesity, lower prices and just make the world a better place by putting less branding into it? Ban shelf-space sprawl. Ban energy drinks from having 25 different flavors, ban Reese's from having 40 form factor variants.

Every small town in America decided to invest their educational funding into beer brewing education, because a) only white men were interested in that, AND WILDLY SO, and b) in theory, it would create local jobs as brands would boost their local bona fides. Every community college did this.

You guys are all flopping over yourself to idolize an old British cultural colonialist like Attenborough, and the reason why is that you're all autists who were raised by Discovery Channel.

The joke is that they’re still going to lose the election. You can’t redistrict this away.

Hey, let’s disenfranchise all black voters BEFORE the likely hottest summer on record.

(The Emperor of Mankind is Malcador's Holy Guardian Angel that tried to stamp out all other HGAs and build artificial clones of itself to flood the galaxy with legions of HGAs.)

Soooooooomebody’s never taken a shit in Japan…

CONCEPT: In a (World of Darkness inspired gaming setting), where villainy is the game, the supervillains, undead and mad scientists compete, where heroes are VERY RARE, and hit your operation like an atom bomb. Everybody is a vampire, and your goal is to avoid the attention of SUPERMAN.

Satan is exactly as real as you or I, which actually brings into question OUR reality, being nothing more than a conjuration of God, for the sole edification of God.

Everygoddamntime.

I don't think I can be an amputee fetishist anymore, not with all this AI slop.

I actually like peeing standing up without turning the realization that I do into a fetish.

Ted Turner was the only billionaire who ever lived seemingly without a piddling little revenge motivation on everything.

I once had a professor say to me, “The easiest way to money in publishing is to find a universally accepted truth and then attempt to prove it’s wrong.”

Ted Turner had a real M. Bison sort of relationship with Vince McMahon.

I have little no pity for Comey, and it's all largely his fault, so if he is devoured by his own monster that's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

You're not a nerd, you just followed an algorithm trail. Yawn.

"So you're saying a Jamaican jerked this chicken?" he said, fulfilling his debt to a loyal friend.

"Don't worry, Rudy, I'll make sure they get you into a medbed immediately," he said, fulfilling his debt to a loyal friend.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Efron, we thought you were Zach BRAFF, we can't honor your reservation." "Why does Zach Braff get into the French Laundry?" "Dignity." *two cartoon thugs emerge, literally boot Zach Efron from the premises, with stock Hanna-Barbera sound effects*

I just gave a McNugget to a crow. He picked it up and buried it under some leaves, and then walked away.

Dracula is her dead name. She’s Draculo now.

You can’t distract your way out of a war that you started as a distraction from the economy that you destroyed to distract from the election you stole to distract from the institutionalized human trafficking and collective sex crime scheme you had for decades, turns out.