is it a bad thing than i feel constanly the need to seek help.....?

I don't even what I want anymore, I feel horrible about myself, I feel horrible towards everyone, I feel horrible about everything, but.. I can't always be weak, I can't always say sad things, because I'm gonna make things worse for everyone if I don't learn how to smile again. But I can't anymore

I feel like I'm just existing, but not even in a good way. The very fact I exist is wrong, it dosen't feels right to just be anymore

This really isn't doing me any good...

I feel...... lost.

Today was harsh

Always the same wounds and the same pain, again and again and again

Why did I started tearing up again like that........

At least I'm not a emotionless husk anymore if I can still cry over the fact than my happiness in life is already over.........

Hah

back to rotting away all day long

the thing they don't tell you about hiding your feelings constanly in order to protect someone, is than the more you pile up stuff again and again, the more it's gonna get impossible for you to open up about anything anymore

...I shouldn't have said that.............

This is so wrong, they'll always be justified into cutting me off, but I really am genuninely concerned about this, and it's sooooo fucked-up it's really making me feel weird I care, but I should stay away I hate this so much

Causing someone a lot of pain, then feeling bad about this person being in pain and being worried about them, what kind of person I am man, this is so messed up

I worry so much, but I'm so horrible, it would be a huge lack of respect for me to act like I'm allowed to worry after what I've done, and it makes me feel awful too, but yet, I can't stop being genuinely worried about this

This sucks

Feeling like I'm facing the consequences of my actions, when I actually tried to protect something instead of being emotionally unstable and snapping at it

why is everything so UGLY

God this is so fucked up

my heart hurts so much right now

why does everyone i love genuninely despises me so badly

why am i just cursed to suffer in silence all the time

this fucking sucks

:(

://////////////////////

whatever i'll just cry myself to sleep for 154156651416516544165126541654165416541654 65 1416545415 64457165154648548545 more sleepless nights in a row its what i always doooooooooooooooooo cuz its the only fucking thing i know how to doooooooooooo because FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ME

i don't fucking matter, my future don't fucking matter, my feelings don't fucking matter, nothing fucking matter fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK

.......am i that easy to forget..

am i really this much of a miserable barely passable piece of shit, am i that unimportant and diposable all the time

what did i do to not matter enough every single fucking time

what did i do to always be this fucking lonely and left behind

why cant i ever have anything why is it always different so for me why am i never allowed to just fucking live and experience things like a normal person would why am i always getting fucked in the ass for everything ever WHY DOES MY HAPPINESS ALWAYS HAVE TO GET DENIED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAMN TIME

how many times has it been now 5 times ????? 6 times ?????????? 6 times in a row than building my courage to ACTUALLY ASK SOMETHING DIRECTLY only to be shut down Every Single Fucking Time????????????????????

this has to be some kind of twisted fucking joke at this point

Maybe i'll feel better if everyone laughed at me and humbled me

Feeling both extremly angry and guilty at the same time is such a experience

god fucking DAMN IT

Hah, it accidently slipped out

Man

Will it finally be over

I don't think I'll ever be able to go back after what I've done

Oh wow

does everyone hates me

Something wrong is happening to me, but I can't be bothered to care about it anymore

I used to be terrified all the time about how much I could hurt others I blamed myself every single day, I was so filled with guilt and regret and self-hate, it was suffocating to hurt myself this much

Wow

I wish people weren't liars

How did I got my trust broken this badly How did I let myself become this ugly and messed-up How did I lost sight of everything i've ever stood for

God this still sucks so much