My Dad thought I named my cat Huckabee. He said “like Trump’s advisor?” No, Dad, you cutie. I wonder if other people are going to think the same thing. Can you imagine? 😹

And this is as close as Hucklebee and Chloe have gotten so far. She is very curious but also very very afraid. He is spending a lot of time sleeping as he adjusts to a whole new life he doesn’t understand.

His first #tongueouttuesday Everyone, this is Hucklebee Buckaroo Bob! Yes, that’s quite a mouthful of a name but you can call him Hucklebee for short. He’s a very sweet, cuddly, gentle giant and he and I are healing each other. He was surrendered 3 weeks ago because he’s meant to live with me!

No, that’s not Kennedy’s ghost… that’s my new to me cat that is clearly his long lost brother! He’s 5.5 years old, a migrant from Texas and I love him! Not 100% sure of his name but I’m leaning towards Cassidy.

Chloe’s Father’s Day card. After nearly 7 years she is finally interested in him. I think getting him to feed her Churu might be the reason she adores him (more than me!!) now.

I don’t want to get my hopes up but I’ve been courting a 5.5 year old cat and this was our second date. I am planning to adopt him but my building is under renovations so I’m waiting and visiting him. 3 busses and a train each way to spend an hour with him. He is very sweet.

When I’m immersed in making a portrait I find myself smiling and it feels like he’s just in the other room. But once I finish it, the jolt back to reality hurts so much. I don’t think it’s good to be couchbound alone with all this grief. I wish I were well enough physically to get out of the house.

The problem with living in a city is it’s impossible to go anywhere and be alone. I don’t want to be at home because I’m becoming resentful of Chloe even though none of this is her fault. She’s just being her normal, aloof self who just wants me for food. She’d probably prefer an autofeeder honestly

It’s been 2 months and 2 days since Kennedy died and I’m not getting any better. This intensity of grief isn’t sustainable. When my whole life is a couch and four walls it’s really hard to feel anything other than sadness and loneliness. I had never truly felt how small my life had become in 5 years

So grateful for the night Kennedy crashed Chloe and my listening party. For one perfect night, he contained his zoomies to the air above my bed, just under the canopy. Leaping and twirling over my head he and Chloe pirouetted with joyful reckless abandon. I made this today to commemorate our joy.

This morning I woke and felt a weight on my feet exactly like how it felt having Kennedy sleeping on them. I didn’t want to move because I wanted that feeling to last. Now Chloe is lying next to the exact spot and she won’t leave despite us having a very strict morning ritual. I think he’s visiting.

Our afternoons were spent watching trash TV. Kennedy always wriggling and wiggling until he was between us. At least until I would scoop him up and rock him like a human baby, burying my face in his fur, ignoring the show. He would drool and show his snuggle teeth and purr his barely audible purr.

I made some portraits and a cartoon for my dad. Dad has Parkinson’s and one symptom can be the loss of the smile. He thinks he’s smiling but the muscles don’t get the message. The last time Kennedy visited my dad had the hugest grin on his face while playing with him and I needed to capture it.

Here’s a portrait of the three of us. If you are praying people, please pray for little Chloe. She is really grieving too and I don’t know how to help her. She seems angry, possibly at me, and she is crying every night and morning, making sleep difficult as well as rebreaking my heart along with her

A local church had a pet blessing/memorial service so I went. I feel like I needed some kind of ceremony or something for closure. I feel worse tho. Having 1 cat blessed and the other memorialized feels wrong. Seeing her name without his hurts. It was supposed to be Chloe & Kennedy for life.

Tomorrow I (Chloe 💝) turn 7! It’s the first time I have ever been older than Kennedy and I’m nervous. I don’t know what to expect. He used to get older two weeks before me and would figure everything out in time for me but now I face the scary future all by myself. I hope being 7 is good.

Something tells me my account is going to be portraits of Kennedy for a little while. The goose literally stayed posing in my window for at least 10 minutes today so I figured he should finally get a portrait with his bestie.

I made this portrait of my Mom cuddling Kennedy to give as a Mother’s Day gift. For 78 years she had a huge phobia of cats. And then she met Kennedy and she fell in love with him. I overheard her referring to him as her grandson when on the phone with her sister!

Oh wow… I was just having a meltdown because it’s been 26 days since Kennedy died and I had just said that the geese haven’t been checking in on him in the last few days. Grief hit like a truck. Chloe ran to me to comfort me and I looked up and there was Chad the Goose! They shared this moment.

Just watched Chad, the meanest Kennedy Goose chase a man and his dog. He never hisses at me though and I’m pretty sure it’s because of Kennedy. He might be over the rainbow bridge but the geese still treat me like I’m their homie’s mama. Their friendship was the cutest, funniest thing.

Roses and blue jays are two of my favourite things! I wanted to invite Chad, the Kennedy Goose to watch my stories with me but Mommy says he’s not litter box trained so that’s a hard no.

Watching Trust Me on Netflix and the secondhand embarrassment watching them make that music video is brutal. How could such a loser convince himself he was a Prophet?! Ew!!

My forever love. He could snuggle all day! He and Chloe had to work out a snuggle schedule amongst themselves because they are/were both Velcro kitties 🐈‍⬛💙💔

The loving couple in happier times.

I got my mobility scooter today and I am quite the public menace, I must say! My confidence is not weighed down by skill in any way and there’s nothing quite like the fear of dying in a low speed scooter collision with a goose to make you really feel alive, you know?

Chloe is Velcro kitty again finally!! Only she would find a kneecap to be a comfy pillow… I’m so relieved that the hiding phase is over. Now I need to stay in this spot unmoving until she decides she’s had enough Velcro time.

When does joy return? I’m using my happy voice talking to Chloe while tears stream down my face. She’s not fooled. She’s grieving for him too. She’s sitting where he used to and crying her heart out. It’s been 2 weeks without him and I don’t feel like the grief is lessening for either of us.

Chloe finally came to me for an actual snuggle!! And she tolerated having her photo taken, even acknowledging it! She hates hates hates getting her picture taken so I am extra lucky today.

Kennedy showed up in a very short, surreal little dream. He was pointing to an emerald and said “cherish the emeralds too”. I woke up confused until I remembered birthstones. His birthday is today (diamond) and Chloe’s is May 2 (emerald).

I was missing Kennedy so much today. I hung a suncatcher in his memory with some of his fur in it. I was resting in my room and had literally just thought “I wish I had a sign from him or a dream of him”, walked to the next room and saw this bright red light on the wall. It faded right after the pic

I don’t want to leave my church but enough is enough!! The church I had been attending instead has nicer people but doesn’t really focus on scripture. The Easter Sunday service was about emotions and Zumba and not Jesus, you know? But the minister is a wonderful human.

I went to my home church today (again). And while still sitting in the pew with my mask on, a man came up to me and ranted about the COVID vaccine and how it kills people and COVID isn’t even that bad. I just wanted to be around people while grieving my cat, not yelled at.

It’s the little things that can just gut you. I am finally doing the laundry today. At the bottom of the bin was clothes from that amazing day at the art gallery. Just above them are the clothes I wore while Kennedy died in my arms. How life can change in one load of laundry.

Just a girl and her soulmate… I miss having his long Naomi Campbell arms wrapped around me. That boy could give the best hugs! How many cats do you know that love being carried like this, so excited to see the world from a different perspective?!

I don’t get out a lot but when I would, I would always miss him and imagine what he’d think if he were with me. Today I’m imagining us at my favourite little waterfall that I loved as a kid. I can almost feel his excitement and hear his little chirps.

I made this portrait of Kennedy in heaven, waiting for me with a tea party all set up. Only one chair because he would always steal mine when I would get up and get so excited to see when I would notice. #teatimewithkennedy

He visited in my dream last night. It was a jumble of Kennedy and Easter Sunday. I saw him sitting dead on my dresser but his eyes would track me as I moved. I went to hug him and he came alive again in my arms. I was so excited I let him down so he could run to Chloe while I ran to tell my parents

Well, well… If the 14th amendment was not meant for modern immigrants, then the 2nd amendment was not meant for modern arms. #truth

OMG I need my targeted ads to stop being for dead pet memorial products!! Let me dissociate on IG in peace without trying to exploit my emotions to purchase clones or jewelry or whatever else you think you can make money. Give me the menopause, weight loss or even flatulence ads but not dead pets.

This morning Chloe played with Kennedy’s collar, making that bell ring again. Then she walked around the apartment wailing, looking for him. Nighttime and first thing in the morning seems to be the hardest for her. She seems low energy and is purring less. She loved him so very much too.

Same!!

Somehow the thought of being too late to get a clip of his beautiful fur (and too poor to have ordered a memento like I did when Cohen died before I got sick) made me hysterical. Those amazing people at VEG ER are saints to be able to deal with shattered people like me over and over. I could never.

OMG I just made the most unhinged call to the hospital, sobbing and unintelligible. I couldn’t afford private cremation but just now I REALLY wanted a clip of his fur to make into a necklace. I was panicking thinking he’d already be burnt up but he’s still there. They’re going to save a clip for me.

I would happily wear mismatched shoes to church if it meant he were still here to hide them. I would spend every penny, I’d probably even do crime if I thought it would buy me more time with him.

I don’t want un-holey sheets. I don’t want unsnagged linens. I don’t want an unscratched sofa. I don’t want to be able to change the sheets without battling the Mighty Mighty Sheet Monster. I don’t want to know where my things are. I want my beautiful chaotic little boy.

I kept losing one shoe out of many pairs and my mind was boggled as to where they could be. Months late I found them, stacked neatly, one on top of the other, inside the radiator frame. How did he do that? And he must have been so happy and proud of himself!! I’m already missing the lil mysteries!!

He loved to hide things and I know I’m going to continue finding his little treasure troves for a while. The belt from my silk robe was the last thing to go missing. As he was dying I asked him where I could find it.

I never raised my voice at him even when he made the most disastrous of messes. I felt like maybe I should be stricter with him but seeing how joyful he would be pulling every item of clothing out of every drawer? I lived vicariously through his joy. There was no door or drawer he couldn’t open.

I know that by a cat’s standards, he had the most perfect life. He was the perfect cat for a critically ill homebound lady. A couchbound mom was the perfect human for a loving cat. We adored each other with equal intensity. Never aloof. When people say cats are aloof, I know they never met him.

He had the quietest purr. You know how they say perfume should only be noticeable when someone leans in? His purr was like that. If you weren’t right up close to him you would never hear it. But he would purr for hours, resting on my chest, wiggling his way into my heart. His face looked so blissed