If i invite everyone i know and love to my wedding who is going to watch my cats

Owalas > Stanleys

I just finished reading the Housemaid and it was insane omg omg

The audio book I’m reading has a Brooklyn accent and it is a great book but god am I ready for it to be over!

Going on a little one night long getaway tonight!

Whoa the porn bots have made their way on here I see. 🥲

Watching Elf. :)))

Them some sexy leftovers.

Making another board today, about to make these pepperoni roses my beeyotch.

Enjoy my favorite Thanksgiving meme, which I have been re-sharing every year since I was 17. Brilliant then, brilliant now.

Scored this beauty today! 🌱

I present to you the turkey butter sculpture.

We sold our car last Friday kind of on a whim to a family friend and have been carless until today! Proud new owner of a pretty blue car that I will show you guys tomorrow. 🥹

The worst genre of person is the kind that doesn’t let you eat in their car.

And they don’t care, either!

“I’m working lateee, cuzimasinger” plays through my head involuntary 64 times a day.

Did you guys know if you don’t water your plants they will DIE? Follow me for more gardening tips. 😋 🌱

I had a dream we booked ABBA for our wedding.

The worst part about taking nudes is having to clean my room.

Me doing literally anything outside.

A post hike selfie. 🥾

I could eat 40 of the teriyaki 6 minute eggs they put in ramen btw. 🍜

Mushrooms are so fascinating. 😌

I came 3 times while eating this. 🤤 🍜

I added a link to my bio. 👀 But I’m not gonna be annoying about it. 👀

Having soup for dinner. 😌

Men really be like "I wanna make love to you" and then turn you around, shove your face in the sheets and scoot your body towards them like an ottoman.

I feel so vile when you guys interact with me and I see “follow back” I am doing my best!!!

Me when I find out you own cows. 🐮

Get you a guy that comes with an unexpected dowry. 👏🏻

My boyfriend was made abundantly aware that I come with no dowry and was totally cool with us paying for our own wedding and so we just naturally went into it thinking it was all us but his parents just texted that they would like to contribute financially & I’m shook. 🥹

$150 later. 🗑️

Why do I do this to myself every day? (Drink coffee.)

It absolutely slapped, thanks for caring. 🥹

I had a golden milk latte the other day for the first time at this little coffee shop and it was so good and I haven’t stopped thinking about it and I’m on the way there to get one RIGHT NOW.

The time I was drunk in New Orleans and they still let me get this street car tattoo. 🙃

Good news gang, the airline found it and it’s on its way to me! I hope my animal crossing villagers will not hate me too much for not paying for expedited shipping. 😅

It was so much fun!!!

crazy how this app is actually pretty good

Actually I’m going to stress vomit every day until it is returned to me.

Just went to play my Nintendo Switch for the first time since being home from vacation and realized my switch is still at the Orlando Airport because that is where I left it. 🙃 Submitted a claim so hopefully it’s returned to me soon but oh my gosh all my gaaaaames, my cute Pokémon case. 😔

I forgot I booked a whiskey and fall dinner tasting for tonight a few weeks ago and now I am very excited!

Me: *shows up in a full face of makeup having a really good hair day and Starbucks coffee in my hand* “Sorry I’m late. 🙂”

Me when the baddest baddie on Bluesky interacts with me.

Anytime I’m swimming in an ocean and you can’t see hotels lining the entire length of it, I feel soooo happy. Give me some jungle lined beaches, I don’t want to see a single building!!!

just shaved my legs now I can easily slip through most cracks and sewer grates

Unclench your jaw bestie ily

Cheers! 🍷

I just watched that documentary on Netflix about the four children whose plane crashed in the Amazon rainforest and they managed to stay alive—these 4 children in the rainforest—for 40 days. Absolutely insane but it was such a great documentary!

Getting my guts rearranged (aka having a cup of coffee)