In deference to the American Jewish Committee, of which I am running for board president, I am covering my Totenkopf tattoo with the phrase “tikkun olam, baby” written in the Monster Energy font

For my first act as a Fully Healed Man, I will hold space for my girlfriend to become the CEO of Shabbat and also my mommy

Criticize a man and he’ll fuck himself for a day; teach him to internalize an overactive self-critic and he’ll fuck himself for a lifetime.

I refuse to do another Read-Along with the police until they pick another book besides the large-print "It Ends With Us"

TFW someone overhears the idiolect incantation you murmur to yourself all day long in private

Really enjoying Simenon's lost YA detective masterpiece, "Are You There God? It's Me, Maigret."