So I ordered an enchirito in hopes that, as in The Fractured but Whole, I’d be able to fart and go back I time to when things didn’t suck so bad. Instead, Taco Bell messed up my order and gave me Nacho Fries instead, one of the newer items that’s genuinely fantastic. … there’s a metaphor somewhere

BTW, after this playthrough of BG3, I will stream a Durge run with Way of the Drunken Master Monk. You ever get so blackout drunk all the time that you forget you were even part of a murder cult?

Do I have a plan? No, but let's try to get Adamantine goods, anyway www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

@dndbeyond.com hypothetically, since this guy gave powers to that group of kids, that could classify him as a patron, yes? If so, what kind of pact would it be? Archfey? Genie? He looks old enough to be a Great Old One…

There is only one role I’d ever shave my head for, and that is if my morbidly obese self got cast as a live-action adaptation of Everett True. Man’s based as hell.

The dragon is home from being overheated at his dad’s house where air conditioning was only hinted at. Being an arctic dragon on the summer solstice in the desert suuuuucks

Fun fact: Did you know that, according to the various Mormon sects, the Book of Mormon was actually written 1000+ years ago, and it's just Joseph Smith's translation of it that we have today? This implies the Book of Mormon is public domain and you can use it's locations & characters freely.

It's not perfect, but the proof of concept is HERE. Lego D&D Grid definitely works, and requires no purchase of the custom baseplates from Bricks & Minifigs. It's just a regular baseplate covered in 4x4 plates.

Tomorrow is summer solstice! If you need to make any human sacrifices to your chosen supernatural entities, please make sure they’re well fed beforehand, since it’s harder for them to run when they’re filled up on grilled foods!

I know this makes me sound old, but this is how the price of computers felt when I was growing up. The way my parents talked about the computer, they made it sound like it cost this much. I was scared for my life when I thought I broke the computer when it was just disconnected from the Internet.

Edible taken, chicken obtained, let's do some BG3 www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

I mean, if I fits, I sits...

Shoutout to @remmuscobalt.bsky.social for taking this commission! Check their profile for the uncensored!

D&D security system: inside a vault is a necklace. It’s not the fanciest piece of jewelry in the vault, but it is one of the nicer pieces. Unfortunately, it’s cursed to scream bloody murder nonstop for 1 hour if something living touches it. The Banshee Beads alert security instantly.

OK, so the new D&D lore has, in fact, canonized why a Cthulhu Warlock can never get along with any Hexblade Warlocks. Turns out, under a specific constellation, The Shadowfell was supercharged enough to seal Cthulhu away into a Domain of Dread within Ravenloft.

Happy autistic pride day. I assume that means it’s like pride month, but only the autistic queers get to celebrate?

This is actually something dragons learned to exploit. Kobolds like to do this naturally, but if dragons release the pheromone that makes kobolds violent (aerosolized Mountain Dew Code Red), the kobolds will bite, claw, and shred the legs they’re hugging!

Why do we call them Mathematicians and not Numberjacks?

Had an idea for characterization in D&D for a villain… Like Cazador, this villain enjoys carving things into their slaves. This villain carved a Lance board (or chessboard) into the back of their slave. Pieces are fitted with barbed spikes so they don’t slip off the board.

I'd like to formally apologize. This is my fault, as I out-pizza'd the Hut, breaking their spirits. My biggest regret is that this led them to ruining Wing Wednesdays.

I found it... The autism cat youtube.com/shorts/dQ0nV...

If fursonas tend to be based on favorite animals, that's gotta make some families look real messy... Like, my family would have a dragon, a badger, a cat, a bee, a sheep, a bald eagle...

You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles today because Cleavon Little and Gene Wilder are already dead. And if you have to recast the roles, the performances change, and is it REALLY the Blazing Saddles we all love without them?

Have you always wanted to play D&D but can't be bothered to read the rules? Need a refresher on the basics? Today's stream is literally just reading the Starter Set Rulebook for 5e, so perfect time to tune in! www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

Today’s stream will be a little different, but for good reason. Some online friends of mine know nothing of D&D, but are interested in playing. So I’m gonna record an audio version of the 5e starter kit’s rulebook

I know it’s done to death, but I still say one of my best magical item inventions for D&D was the magical quiver. Nobody likes tracking ammo anyways so once you attune to the item, it just has basic, unenchanted bolts and arrows for crossbows and bows.

For your own safety, please do not enter the basement of the Dragon’s Lair. Experimental advancements in kobolds including, but not limited to, Protogen-Kobolds, Cat-Kobolds, and Octopus-Kobolds are not used to socializing beyond each other and the geneticists, and may react unpredictably.

It’s not that I disagree with what she was trying to do, it’s that if you’re going to do that, you need a more realistic, fake mustache. Not only is the tone different enough from the hair, it’s too neat and even.

So aside from steadily losing clothes in my dreaming last night, the strangest part was me walking out of a movie to see my former assistant manager walking to another movie with Weird Al. So Dream Weird Al saw me topless and didn’t even ask me to star in a remake of the Fat music video :(

And now that I’ve showered off the smoke and taken my edible, it’s time to lay in bed and fall asleep while cuddling my life-sized Gardevoir plushie like the fat fucking chud I am. I am somehow a semi-functional, tax-paying member of society.

Shout out to all y’all posting NSFW right now. I’m watching a smoker to make sure some bacon is cooked right, and y’all are starving off my boredom something fierce.

The kobold claimed they learned how to hypnotize people. They actually said that every third sentence I say would be in German. Wenn du das lesen kannst, verrate bitte nicht, dass ich einen Übersetzer benutze, weil ich kein Deutsch kann. Maybe I need to cut back their TV privileges…

I haven’t felt this many small pieces dig into my thumbs since I built a certain wizard castle set years ago (not even the D&D set was this uncomfortable), but at least I now have some GREAT pieces for custom Lego D&D minis!

Here, have a stream www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

The schedule is the skeleton, but the flesh around it is hideous and malformed (I played video games when I should have done laundry)

Another Baldur's Gate 3 stream, another successful heist starring V-Spawn and the Mugicians! Thanks @astrallucario.bsky.social for the raid and for joining the raid on @isabae.bsky.social !

Let's make up for yesternoon's sudden canceled stream with a new one! www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

Fun fact: if you read The Call of Cthulhu, you’ll hear the effigy described as part octopus, part dragon, and part human. Cthulhu is 33.33% dragon. These parameters are acceptable for dragon lovers.

Honestly, not getting Eldritch Blast when I was made an Elder was disappointing. Still, at least I’ve damned myself because I didn’t remain “worthy” of the priesthood!

Last second schedule change: I’m just exhausted. I have no energy for a stream. So I’m going to rest up and hopefully have a proper stream tomorrow.

I’m not saying I got fired from Sodor, all I’m saying if I WAS fired from Sodor, it’s because I told the fat controller that maybe, just maybe, we should scrap the most troublesome of the troublesome trucks and give the engines basic workers rights.

I know the new canon likely won’t align with our current Baldur’s Gate 3 playthrough (Cthulhu being the original Mind Flayer god, using dreams to hire Elder Brain exterminators and making them warlocks), but it’s still awesome to see Cthulhu canonized again after all these years!

Do you think Wishgranters like Kirby's Galactic Nova and Genies and Hags fuck with wishes, granting the wording, but not the spirit of the wish, because it's the only way it keeps people from wishing and asking them for stuff all the time?

Make fun of him all you want, but this DOES explain how a 10-year-old can solve all these ancient puzzles meant to test a true hero AND be clever enough to sneak past the guards. Gigantamax ahh brain

New D&D character: a Dragonborn with dwarfism. Everyone thinks they’re a kobold until they break out the breath weapon

Don’t worry, Nintendo can turn this direct around when they announce Metroid Fusion HD

This is a genuine question: Do you think he knew he would get booed, but still showed up to assert that he can go anywhere he wants OR do you think he genuinely believes that the fact that most of the world seems to hate him is a hoax, and the crowd here is full of paid protestors?

Let's drown out the bad thoughts with some Baldur's Gate 3 www.twitch.tv/muttonthedra...

USPS is delivering a package today… I swear, if they try to crush my 20 packs of noodles by shoving them into the storage lockers, I will [redacted per legal advice]