Just finished blowing up 400 balloons

I want a cat so bad but every time I’m around one I leave looking like this

Ford trying to charge me FIFTY dollars a month to use the semi-autonomous driving feature on my car. Baby I’ll just drive the car myself

If I was one of only 17 Targaryen kings you bet your ass I’d be going to school dressed up in costume every damn day

I may have bitten off more than I can chew, I’m rush ordering $200 worth of stickers with my dad’s face on it. The party is Saturday

I need someone to come carry this ring light around for me wherever I go

Time for everyone to bust out their Limewire skills again

Awaiting my flight at Bronchitis International Airport

Headed back to the Midwest after a month in Florida

The world’s been waiting for another cunty animated gecko since Gex

My entire personality is based around the sun

A cycle I am unwilling to break

Doing menial tasks around the house in a very yearning and pensive manner while listening to the soundtrack from Netflix’s “The Boyfriend”

Lindsey Graham, mawma what are you doing here?

I just feel like this should be winter for everybody everywhere

Internet is out until 1 pm and my cell service is god awful

I can’t stop going to Magic Kingdom after work to get their coconut mango cocktail

Big Ang died 10 years ago and the world has never been the same. Gone way too soon

People that use the term “bio break” when they need to step away from a meeting

Calf cramp woke me up in the middle of the night

Aerion Targaryen

My inner monologue is voiced by Trixie and Katya impersonating Lady Bunny

I’ve seen things on Reddit no human should have to see

At some point we must talk about teenage vocal fry

Watching Tangled for the first time and wondering if Quentin Tarantino directed this

V-Day sunbathing

I really need to broaden my musical horizons. Everyone’s enjoying artists I’ve never heard of, meanwhile I’m just sitting in my car bopping to Bad Kids for the 600,000 time

Working EST hours for a CST company

I put coffee in my Owala last week and I can still taste it after washing it 6 times

Going live, but only in my mind

Back to back days at Epcot and Epic Universal was not a good idea

Good news, Bluesky has drafts. Bad news, Bluesky no longer works

Took PTO today to drink at Epcot

Reading this to the tune of “Zendaya Is Meechee”

Mr. Beast commercial sounding like a 6th grade book report

Is Bad Bunny related to Bean Bunny?

HATE the smell of an electric stove

Milan Cortina is a good drag name

How do any of you that live in the south get any work done? I’ve just been sitting outside constantly

Wish I could relive the Hodor gag from Game of Thrones

9 yr old me crushing on Mimi-Siku from Jungle 2 Jungle

Slept with the windows open last night and woke up like this

That fucking rat is only right 39% of the time. Anyone else would lose their job but somehow he doesn’t?

Raise the flags!

First weekend in Florida, you’d never guess it!

The world desperately needs a sequel to Rat Race

Also hate that T*Z is always the one to scoop these stories. They don’t deserve to be the outlet that delivers heartbreaking news

Straight up tell people you care about that you love and appreciate them. If you come across an artist you connect with, tell them. Life is so short man

Help! My Airbnb feels like a Bluth property