having 2Gbps internet really rules until you get accustomed to it and wither away whenever you travel

gonna normalize saying “honey I’m home!” while returning to your empty hotel room. plz repost and spread the word

started sending reels to my finsta account so when I’m drunk later I get a nice curated collection of peak content

you ever listen to bon iver in the shower?

what if like instead of calling tv episodes pilots we switched it to a different profession, like …. carpenter

csi gonna investigate my suspicious death and find my Google Chrome tab “how to hot box the cpap”

my dad’s not a phone duh

shrink wrap is a lie

im gonna tell the apple store genius bar guy all about my life story and ask him which iphone storage tier would best fit my lifestyle

fondly thinking about my old iPhone 15 pro. I don’t regret upgrading & I love my orange iPhone but I still miss my old titanium slab

told the airport bartender I’ll have what he’s having and now I’m stuck working a double shift on four hours of sleep

I’m so dumb I think the alphabet goes from C to shining C

damn I never knew they spelled it “sneese”

we are holding ourselves back by not celebrating Christmas year round

Emoticons just don’t hit in the world of emojis. Give me that high fidelity image

I tried to take a timelapse of my Guinness settling but accidentally took a slowmo and it’s three and a half minutes long lmao

you ever think about porgs

frerbruarry

OH: *burp* wow Chinese food does not go with Guinness at all

did someone forget to tell the weatherman not to play the double it and give to the next one game once we drop below freezing

milk is just broth

I ate a burrito but I wished it was dino nuggets the whole time

mr business liked your post

I still can’t believe I bought mr.business the domain name lmao

man I love marvel snap

just realized that im gonna see a $30 cheeseburger on a menu in my lifetime and idk man

polymarket which game releases first, Star Wars fate of the old republic or gta6

polymarket who leaves snl first kenan or lorne

bartender made me a lion's tail and got me immeditately singing veggie tales www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE2h...

scrolling through my own skeets giggling

I’m a harpist in the sense that I drink Guinness

still thinking about it

update: yes!

I still can’t believe I bought mr.business the domain name lmao

I had a really good sandwich after my first PT session and then I did it again the second time and then I started realizing I can’t keep eating that many sandwiches but also ….. Man I love sandwich

was just about to post this again and I remembered I already did so I just am gonna bump this back to the feed MAN I LOVE SANDWICHES

shout out to spike tv for getting me into star trek

I’m sorry I made the pappy van winkle jokes / made a pappy van rimple in the spacetime continuum

pappy van twinkle twinkle: whiskey so good it must come from the stars

more like pappy van tinkle

hey man don’t let ur herniated disc become ur identity disc #WhatWouldTronDo

dude I’ve pooped like ten thousand times, I know what shit is when I see it

🫡

man I love sandwiches

went to bed with a seed of manic energy and today it’s full blown

I love listening to voice memos at 1.5x speed

play 007 games, buy a 007 fountain pen, embrace the nostalgia!! it is good for your inner child to play with old toys

new addition to the bucket list

good bye florida

god damn I’m a slut for a saxophone