It's good TV if fictional violence is your jam. I can't ignore the irony in the creative losses of life. In order to avenge one person being made a fatherless child, our hero potentially creates dozens more fatherless children by way of maiming or homiciding. And he doesn't even live there! 🌇😂🤣

I couldn't get Siri to play Whip Appeal. Trying all the linguistic tricks. It was impossible. Oh I was dreaming. I'm gonna play it and try to go back to that dream because my apartment-condo was dope and high up. #SIMH

Dear diary, Today, I had my first colonoscopy. It wasn't shit.

I wonder if the generation has been born yet who will "remember when" U.S. Currency had coins🤔

Am I a bad person because the second best thing about Starbucks on Redstone Arsenal is that I can't tip them?

Michael, no one can hear the conversations you have in your head. Those don't count. –Michael

I can't prove it, but I'm sure my Roomba had a line of code that says "if he's in the kitchen, fck with him a little bit"

Do podcast hosts sound like they're speaking in _sound bites_ ? Am I imagining that?

Fun Placeholder Download: new.express.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:...

What if an underdeveloped frontal lobe is human evolution trying to match the pace technology advances? 🤔 #philTech

#FunFact I don't like recording vertical videos.

Testing YouTube’s copyright detection by whistling

I haven't officially started season five of The Boys, but I'm gonna make a prediction about Victoria Neuman. I think she's going to rebuild herself and come back to life.

One way to make reparations is to allow Black people to collect royalties when their physical features are surgically given to non-Black people. We could give it a cool name like the IP Reparations Act or Face Tax or Cosmetology Class Act.

I like that people's AI chat interactions is a content genre now. 🍿🍿

Today, I discovered the best way to tell someone I'm in the bathroom when they call. "I'm sorry about the echo. I don't want to miss your call." The caller responded with a not uncomfortable chuckle and immediately moved the conversation forward without a pause.

I want to live in the world where the gas pump tells me it has no receipt paper before I start pumping gas.

"Oh that woulda been fire" –Jesus, from Heaven watching the invention of food trucks

The best way I can express how much I love this couple's content is to share this video youtube.com/shorts/1Upid...

🥶🤌🏾🤌🏾 🎹 www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8bEH5wN/

Normalize unfollowing.

React if you don't open Instagram to READ things.

Defund monogamy.🪧

We all know when an inspirational quote is talking about your Ex. Just tag 'em.

React if you close then reopen a social media app to avoid pressing BACK a bunch of times. Double-react for IG/TikTok

🤌🏾🤌🏾 youtube.com/watch?v=eYf5...

There was so much fog machine in the first Saw movie 😅

I want to live in the world where the gas pump tells me it has run out of receipt paper before I start pumping gas.

Is anyone else triggered by the iPhone clock app not being black anymore? Maybe it's just me, but finding it felt more immediate when it was dark.

I've wanted to talk to my electronics since I was a kid #philTech

Chick-fil-A got them wearing parka's in the drive-thru line❄️☃️ That level of dedication puts all other fast food chains in second place😁🤌🏾

"You dropped the gun?!" —Riley Freeman

I'm bringing back conversational speaking to emails.

Song in my head right now #SIMH

My beard loves Haitian black castor oil like a kid with ice cream truck money.

Conjunctions as parenthetical expressions

If you woke up tomorrow with a superpower, how would you use it to avoid paying taxes?

Boy am I glad I watched Babylon for the first time in this state

#IDKWNTHTB Consistently running late is a strength.

I appreciate that Bruno Mars is making us new 70s music.🤌🏾🎧

Ashton Kutcher should get an award for how well he plays "Vincent D'Onofrio". #TheBeauty

I shouldn't have milk and sugar cookies while watching this. –The Beauty S1 Ep1 watcher

Netflix's Inside America's Next Top Model is finely woven satire. #ANTP

Install your Zoom update.

Jamaican