I read the Defector article about the Kelce/Mahomes steakhouse, and then looked up Noble 33. They don't have any restaurants in the DC area. I wonder if that's because they don't want to go up against José Andrés? This is a gift article for you: defector.com/two-nights-p...

Me: [for the past 4 years] You must report all travel outside the United States. Them: Canada? Me: … *sigh* Me: … [rubbing my temples] Me: … [shaking my head] Me: Yep, even Canada. How the fuck do these people still have a job?

I can't imagine anything I could care about less than whatever Dave Portnoy does or says.

I feel like Alan May is too entranced with Jacob Chychrun’s hips. For a guy who tries really hard to be macho…

Don’t need Chrith Cthillitha ads in my hockey broadcast, Monumental. Focus on hockey and the leading provider of I.T. services to the military industrial complex, pleathe

Who the fuck is Parker Milner?

I hate to say this, but I know all dogs are good boys and good girls, but some of them are just fuckin' ugly. Get your liver-colored shitzadoodle out of here with its liver-colored eyelids and liver-colored nose and that wet, brown-stained mouth fur.

Just swapped out the standard cork with the Jizmak Da Gusha topper on my holiday bottle of @catoctincreek.bsky.social Hot Honey Rye. I can’t wait to explain Jizmak to my 76 year old mother-in-law as I make her a Thanksgiving cocktail.

It’s only Wednesday night, and my neck is already sore from looking at decisions made by my lovely wife and her parents and shaking my head in disbelief. And I’m talking exclusively about the goddamned dishwasher.

Taking mandatory training provided by the gov't about protecting privacy and civil liberties, and the gov't nominally prohibits a lot of shit that the current administration is actively doing. This is not the kind of irony that I appreciate.

No program or application should ever steal focus from another app when a text entry field is the active element (has focus). I don't care if I just launched the other app. When I'm typing, I'm typing; and nothing should hijack that operation.

Made chicken sandwiches for dinner tonight; plated two for the 17yo who eats later than us. Before he ate the 2nd, he asked if there was a 3rd. I said "no", but hid one for wife's lunch. Asked her if she cared. She did not. So I had to tell him: "There is another..." like dying Yoda in Empire.

I spent like $900 on Saturday night to take the family to dinner and the Caps game. They lost 3-5. Tonight they’re winning 4-0 after two periods. This is why I continue to be a Washington Capitals season ticket holder. FML

New Google doc. Title: "NHL Pieces of Shit". Contents: Corey Perry, Tony DeAngelo, Milan Lucic, Jordan Binnington, Patrick Kane. Newest addition: Yanni Gourde. On the verge: Curtis Douglas. Footnote: Does not include historical pieces of shit, e.g., Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, Sean Avery, etc.

Shit, that email from Hegseth's mom is crazy. My mom just sends shit like "On a cruise. Grand Cayman today. Return on Saturday." That's because I'm not a huge piece of shit.

Anyone else refill the salt grinder with pink Himalayan salt and then suck on a big pink nugget as a reward for all your hard work? Or is it just me?

TNT hockey broadcast audio mix is for shit. Too much low end. Low pass filter eliminates higher frequencies and makes it harder to hear the guys in the studio. It’s like they’re under water.

I love to see an NHL intermission report for any game that does not feature Paul Bissonnette. Experts talking about the players and the game without intentional attention grabbing through “hot takes” and “extreme attitude”. Guy sucked on the ice, and sucks on TV.

I think my dog knows that I'm right handed. When I reach for the ball in her mouth with my right hand, she's all "psych!" and "chase me, fucker!" When I reach for it with my left, she's like "okay you dopey chump, just try it."

The cheap, store-bought ramen brick boiled with an egg and poured into a bowl with sesame oil, chili crisp and a splash of fish sauce. Fresh cilantro on top and a couple leaves of seaweed snack rehydrated in the broth. Frickin' delightful, I tell ya'.

Ford v Ferrari is a great movie. I’ve seen it like 10 times, and it always hits.

I don’t think any other NHL fan base would ever think, “Pierre-Luc Dubois being out of our lineup is hurting the team,” but it is, and here we are. A testament to the camaraderie in that locker room, the Caps’ team leadership, and PLD’s achieving finally in the right environment. Get well soon.

If we're going to live under a fascist regime, the least they could do is declare that all candy given out on Halloween has to be some variety of Reese's. The remaining treats in the bowl from the 12yo boy's rounds are all gummy/fruit nonsense made from horse hooves and artificial flavors. PNUTBUTR!

I’ve said this before, but the first time you make grilled asparagus is the last time you make any other kind of asparagus. It’s a game changer.

I’m an ally.

Oh no. That Star Trek TNG Lego set has custom minifigs. As if Wil Wheaton wasn't already insufferably smug, now he can look you in the eye with a smirk and ask, "yeah, well do YOU have your own official Lego minifig?" Don't be a dick, Wil.

Ovechkin scored his milestone 900th goal? I figured that would happen. It was against Jordan Binnington? FUCKING FANTASTIC. Couldn't happen to a bigger piece of shit goalie than Binnington. What a chump. Also: Congrats to #8.

My dog is easily alarmed. She gets mad at the TV. Barks a lot. She patrols our property borders. She thinks that only she can keep our family safe. She seeks to eliminate outsiders: squirrels, foxes. She doesn't recognize our neighbors' right to exist in peace. Remind you of anyone? She's a dog tho

LOL Sliwa is Cuomo’s Ralph Nader.

What the fuck is a horcrux? I didn’t read those books. I didn’t watch those movies. This thing keeps coming up on social. I don’t fucking care enough to look it up. But what does this kind of societal reliance on wizard fiction as a shibboleth say about the society writ large? Fuck! Love hobbits tho

My wife made a delicious sauce with our home-grown tomatoes. I added chunky sautéed mushrooms and thick-cut white onions with spicy Italian sausage. Draped that over some al dente cavatappi with a fresh salad for dinner. But then I found the red wine and election coverage on TV! 🍷🤪

I had leftover hot dogs for lunch today. No lie. I could smell the onions and mustard.

OK Dick Cheney is dead. Now do that other guy.

How do you have a Disney app that makes it almost impossible to browse your way to Coco on November 2nd? Search works but it’s not the first choice in the hero at top? Fuckin’ shameful.

Miguel Rojas. Holy shit.

I hope I’m not being ablest when I say this, but I’m watching the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and—jesus christ—Franklin is a real pain in the ass.

All these baseball kids drawing a cross in the dirt with their bat before getting in the box then striking out looking. What? Jesus can’t help you hit an offspeed pitch?

We had a leak upstairs. Day five of three dehumidifiers and seven blowers. I have lost 10 pounds and cannot blink. Send help.

Delaware has speed cameras on 95. Ask me how I know. $181 for 71 in a 55. Allegedly.

Any mention of Herzog makes me think of the time he said "here comes honey boo boo" on the Conan podcast.

My 12yo kid is watching a scary movie. I just jump scared him. He was mad and told me, “I’m pressing charges!” LOL I love it.

The difference. Jalapeño: Green, hot HOT hot, kinda spicy, done. Habanero: Sweet, warm, warmer, hot hot HOT HOT HOTTER HOTTER MOUTH FLAMES JESUS CHRIST HOT HOT gone.

Grillo’s hot spears are the real deal. I didn’t believe the hype, but those are some delicious (mostly mild) pickles. Watch out for the pieces of jalapeño or habanero in there. I just ate one and suffered for 10 minutes with the crying and the runny nose and the burning tongue. Glavin! 🥒🔥

Eff Ay, Eff Oh. Please clap.

I like simple pleasures like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth, and a new season of Below Deck with Captain Sandy. That’s just me. That’s just something that I enjoy.

Anyone who expresses astonishment at the noise cancelling capabilities of AirPods has never spent time with my officemate.

Just watched “Barbarian” and it’s even more fucked up than “Weapons”. Which is to say it’s the better horror movie. I liked them both. I don’t respect Keith’s decisions.

My planning skills are lacking. Kublai Khan TX with Gideon, Guilt Trip and Drain tonight in Silver Spring. Blackbraid in Baltimore on Friday. How am I missing these amazing shows?

It just fuckin' occurred to me that Fear's lead singer (and occasional actor), Lee Ving is... "leaving". I'm fuckin' 52 years old, you guys.

Doubled up on that vaxx action. Flu in the left, COVID in the right. Come at me, bro!