my coworker suggested that maybe im so cold all the time because i don't eat enough.........i mean she's 200% right but i didn't think she'd clock me like that 😬😬

the brain fog is NASTYYY today i have no idea how ive been able to function, you knock on my skull and not only is no one home the lightbulb is fucking missing 😒😒

for the sake of my sanity: my regular coffee, unsweetened teas, fruit/veggie juices, cup soups, smoothies, protein shakes and instant hot chocolates do not break my fast 😭🙏

good morning!!! don't mind my stained desk and lighting look at the chocolate i got from my calendar 😭😭😭😭

advent calendar season starts tomorrow 🤭🤭 im super excited to have a mystery sweet treat everyday!!!

ive had two bowls of udon with no regrets it was SCRUMPTIOUS 🤤🤤 back to fasting!!

im not leaving my bed today im FREEZING 😭😭

somebody tell me to stop buying lippies i won't even get them until January 😭😭 they're all so so pretty i can't help myself!!!!

i really need to start we1gh1ng myself naked because the difference is insane 💀💀 i dropped .3 BM1 points from yesterday!! all i did is take off my damn hoodie!!!

goo morning!!! im having a hazelnut oat coffee first thing in the morning and it's so good 😋😋 my omad was kind of decided for me today but im never skipping out on my brothers beef & veggie udon 😌🙏

i think a good indicator of me truly having r3l4ps3d into my silly eating habits is hearing my friend talk about their struggles with food & body image and not feeling tr1gg3red by it 💀💀 atp I just go "yeah lol same" and try to comfort them as best as i can

made the world's most oversalted and undercooked rice for my omad 💀💀 i didn't wanna waste it but after half of it i just gave up should've just kept fasting smh

day fuckin ruined how in the fresh hell did i GAINNNN 😭😭 only .2 kg but what the fuck??? is it water weight or what 😭😭😭 am i fasting wrong or something

might have just found my true all-year round lip colour 😌✨

man whatever 30 hours is enough my mom made chicken soup!!!!!!!! im eating good tonight!!!!! 🙏🙏

is it normal to feel like a disgusting pig while f4st1ng

ykw i might as well just do liquids and go for 48 hours 😋😋

i decided that my yummy coffee doesn't break my fast therefore im 20 hours in 😌🙏

i haven't been this disgusted by my body in months 😋👍

only 5 hours into my f4st and its the WORST I hate this stage 😭😭

I'm so bad at living. The only thing I'm good at is self destructing. That I'm super good at. All I can do right is immolate everything good in my life and self destruct

ended this f4st at almost 19hrs because im not used to them and didn't wanna overdo it 😵‍💫😵‍💫 im also never gonna pass on a birthday cake so ill be starting another one after work lunch 🫡🫡

downloaded a f4st1ng app, hopefully it'll be easier to manage and won't drive me insane like c0unt1ng c4ls 💀💀

something tells me that even if i were to reach my ugw it still wouldn't be low enough to make me look the way i want to 💔💔

i fixed my posture and lost my thigh gap with it 💔💔

bruh i don't want to be awake today i feel like SHIT

im very blessed & decided to conjure up a holiday package full of gifts for kids & teens fighting cancer this year!! i have saved a few things from the ch4r1ty's list and ill get to it once i get paid in December 😌😌

i don't get why me thinking i shouldn't be in relationships due to my BPD is a bad thing i wouldn't be a good partner and im saving people from having to deal with me 💀💀

my silly ass refuses to count anything but cvtt1ng as šh therefore im still clean 😋👍

have i been cursed to see my old classmates in every other person now or what 😒😒

gm im having a shit day so far but at least food is repulsive to me atm 👍👍

drunk apothy is the happiest apothy i fear -w-

i miss cvtt1ng so bad wish I could do it rn. ik that would feel so good but dr1nking sm0king and st4rv1ng is what i have left for. Now

finally got some alcohol in my system let's goooooo 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

crisis averted i dropped over half a kilo overnight

im too impatient to wait until payday so i just placed an order for all the lippies i wanted 🙏🙏 they ship on the 14th of December tho 😭😭

never w3ighing again without an empty stomach cuz how in the hell am i HEAVIER after using the bathroom and only having coffee?????? 🙁🙁

unfortunately back at a healthy BM1 😔😔 im not surprised i g4in3d bcs i haven't exactly been in r3s....... on the bright side it's not a huge difference imo & i also haven't been c0nst1p4t3d and i thank the stars for that 🙏🙏

just got woken up by my neighbors banging on our doors like crazy cuz apparently the whole opposite half of our building is fuckin swimming 😭😭😭😭😭 old alcoholic man on the top floor turned on the water in his bathroom, fell asleep and flooded half the apartments jfc

some higher power must've blessed me last weekend bcs I've been getting compliments on my looks the entire week 😭❤️ figuring out my undertone & tweaking my skincare routine the tiniest bit really did me wonders 🫦🫦

im incapable of getting out of bed at the first alarm and this ends up being my downfall every single damn day. why the fuck do i go back to sleep just MOVEEEEE your ass out of bed apothy 😑😑

afterwork ciggies wait for me, just 45 more minutes 😭😭

idk when but my legs almost stopped jiggling when i walk???? the thigh gap also???? my legs are almost all muscle now and look so much better!!!!!! :000

finally started taking my pr3gabalin3 for sleep and oh my gooooooood ive been missing out 😩😩 if it wasn't giving me horrendous auditory h4llucinati0ns id say it's the perfect sleep aid for me

hellooooo everynyan :3 i hope you're all doing better that i have been!!!! ive been on and off spiralling all day and im beyond exhausted 😭😭 i also g4ined so that's very cool and awesome i hate being al1ve

man i really am incapable of having arguments or taking criticism from my family 😶😶 like i refuse to engage or outright take accountability for not considering their pov bcs i feel like if i do they'll make jabs at me for it for the rest of time, i can't fuckin win no matter what

also slept so fuckin bad today i think ill just go collect the sleep meds my psych prescribed😭😭

im so sick of going to the doctors i pray it's the last time today 😭😭

for the sake of peace I'll read the book my mom gave me this weekend bcs i can't be bothered to explain that i have a personality disorder that is kind of hard to treat with just better diet and taking care of my thyroid (which I have before).also the hallucinations. so there's that.

i absolutely cooked on my meal prep for tomorrow, i hope it will be a successful 2mad for once 🙏🙏