Got the whole day free today, except for a 15-minute back health workout. Yesterday, the weather was actually sunny, but cold. Today, back to raining. Of course. No idea what to do today. Will probably waste another day. Would be nice to do something creative... but specifically what, I dunno...

My recent back injury has temp killed my creativity. I'm finally recovering, but still have to be careful. I've not had a PT session in 5 weeks, and only done back corrective exercises since Mon. Hoping it'll be OK for the werewolf job. Frustrated. Don't really want to do anything in the evenings.

Gah, today has been a real mess 😒 Early trip to car garage for new wheel needed to pass MOT (expires Sat). Wrong wheel delivered. Had to find another company + book emergency refurb of existing wheel on Thurs, then finish MOT Fri. Got home. Screwed up our weekly software update. Twice. I'm done.

I'm trying to work in a cafe (getting work done on my car), and I feel utterly lost without a second monitor. I'm constantly comparing multiple things, especially on a research/understanding task like I currently have. A 14" laptop screen alone is virtually unusable.

I've been at my current employer for almost 8 years. It really bothers me that there's *still* some fundamental concepts of the industry we build software for that I just don't get. It's been explained several times, and it doesn't stick. It really makes my job harder and more embarrassing.

At a bar with colleagues on a week away in Malta. Boss is taking orders, asked what I'd like. "How much is the Yamazuki 12?" "40 euros" Me: *sputters* "oh, no, I couldn't" Boss: "my treat" Me: "no, I can't" Boss: "go for it" Me: "... OK. Thanks!" *boss holds amused grimace rest of the evening*

I genuinely feel like having to spend 5 days a week sat at my desk is starting to physically injure me. I workout, I stretch, I'm a good weight, I have good core strength... yet I've pulled a muscle in my lower back *again* just by picking up a cleaning bottle from under the sink. My desk hurts me.

Last night my mood tanked- I think I hit my decision fatigue wall. It genuinely took me about 20 minutes of frustratingly repeat-scanning through streaming services to find an episode to watch. Feeling a bit better today, but I still feel worn out. Oh well, work time. Just what the doctor ordered...

So, uhhhhhhh... I've just landed the role of a werewolf for an indie feature film 😁

Despite having a fun prosthetic makeup-themed dream, which I can now only barely remember, I'm very much in grump mode today, for some reason. Every pop of a Slack notification is like a little stab into my soul. This week is really dragging.

I'm definitely happy to ask about and hear what other people are up to, how they're doing etc. It's great. But, you know, sometimes it'd be nice to be asked myself. (without me prompting). It sometimes feels very one-sided. (not referring to any of you)

I wish streaming services had an episode length filter on TV shows. I often don't want to watch a full 45+ minute episode of something, and really struggle to find shorter episode shows.

Thought I'd do something a bit different tonight - a full effort "prosthetic" makeup test for a MK1 inspired Noob Saibot cosplay. I do want to make the cowl and armour but that's a long way away. I'd definitely do some things differently (with different lenses), but it's not bad a for a first try!

There's nothing quite like going to the garden centre to make me feel tall and fast...

I now think that if my office was commutable, I'd much rather go there to work than work from home. WFH is fine if your job has structure, you're motivated, and you have other social/family outlets. Most of my day is now fighting my deep need to do *anything else*. Most of my week is alone.

The Internet has conditioned us so hard that there's no point making anything unless: a) you share it, b) you're immediately extremely good at it, and c) you can eventually monetise it. It's a "waste of time" otherwise.

As if I needed another reason not to do my job effectively - my lower back is currently a bit screwed (again), and I just can't find a position in my office chair that doesn't cause pain, wheeeeee... (and I swear my painkillers do nothing)

Just got out a "daily standup" call with my dev team. All of our teams will be getting at least one AI project, to integrate AI somehow into our software. To, and I quote: "say we use AI". That's it. To appease upper management. "To not look like we're being left behind." *sighs loudly*

So often, I watch a YouTube tutorial on how to make something. "This process is super easy. You don't need any equipment, specialised tooling, or expensive materials, let's get started." *shows themselves in a huge workshop surrounded by tools and equipment and SPACE* Me: *mentally tableflips*

I was given a book on "How to buy your first home" for Christmas, and while it's still useful, some of the prices are cute, as the book is a little dated. "Solicitor's fee: can vary, but allow from about £400" *chuckles* Try £2k more than that.

Expecting absolute perfection can *only* lead to disappointment. Perfect doesn't exist.

I'm a bit nervous. This afternoon, I'll be potentially publicly showing my temporary shoulder tattoo stripes. I've got a PT session, and need to get changed in the changing room. I'm still exploring, but I feel this is an important step. I can't get a real tattoo if I'm scared to show it.

New garden ornament - little baby raptor hatching!

Happy new year everyone! I'm really hoping 2026 will be the year I start to really engage with my creativity. There's hope for that, now that I'm voluntarily demoted, and no longer drowning in stress 🙂. Oh and hopefully finally buying my first house. Here's to a better 2026. 🍻

Kinda sad that I'm working the next two days. First year in a *long* time that's been the case. But: 1. I'm low on holiday days this time, and b) It's the first year in many where I haven't been absolutely *desperate* for the extended break. Don't worry - I won't work hard, if I can avoid it 😛

Watched the original Jurassic Park again - not seen it in a very long time. I must've seen it a hundred times, and it *still* gets the heart racing at times. So damn good.

I've been reflecting on last weekend. I see my aunt usually only once a year, around Christmas. She's the only one left from my mum's side of the family. She's very loving, intelligent, and interesting... but holy shit is she of a different generation. She's *extremely* opinionated and stubborn.

Huh, I just realised something. When some people meet up after a while apart, and make remarks like "you've changed your hair" (not to me, of course, I have spikes, not hair), I've always thought "how on earth do you remember that?" I've just realised how.

Yaaaay happy winter solstice y'all, only getting brighter from now on..!

I wish I knew why VRC sometimes makes me withdraw. It's quite a strong feeling of disconnecting. If I knew, maybe I could counteract it somehow. It often leaves me feeling down the rest of the night. I feel I'm much better IRL, actually, which is... unexpected.

Jesus Christ. I'd just finished watching a YouTube video on my TV, and when it finished, I literally said out loud "that's enough of that", and turned off the TV. I then immediately picked up my phone, and caught myself reaching for the YouTube app. *metaphorically throws phone at the wall*

One of my colleagues is doing that "messaging one line at a time" thing. I'm about to start replying and I see him typing again. Stop. Receive. Me about to start. See him typing again. Stop. Receive. Me about to start... 8 messages, I think he's finally done. *starts actually reading his messages*

Hilarious. I've not used twitter for years, and I'm now finally going to deactivate my accounts. I'm now getting an infinite loop when I try to download my data, and I see others have the same issue. Almost like they don't want you to.

Today I caught up with old uni friends. Some of them very much empathise with the stress I experienced these past 2 years. I'm really proud of myself for requesting that demotion. I genuinely think it's the dream of many developers who've found themselves in management roles, but hating it.

Do you ever experience this, where you suddenly catch yourself in the mirror and kinda jumpscare yourself, "oh I look like that"? I'm not talking about being unhappy with how you look, more just... I dunno. You kinda look different to how you feel?

I wish I was more comfortable sharing things I like. Things like music tracks/albums/artists, movie/game trailers, hobbies, stuff like that. I always get too nervous and overthink it. "They won't care" "What if they don't like it?" "What might this say about me?" Insecurity is fun.

Last night, in VR, we chatted about aphantasia again. It's always interesting to compare people's experiences, but it always leaves me feeling kinda... defective. Like almost everyone else has a super power except me. Like I'm living life in black & white. It's very frustrating.

Wednesday starts: "Still 3 more days of this..?" I was thinking back to my last full-time job. It was in an office, 5 days a week. Hours were fairly long, yes it was stressful at times, but it was also fun. I don't remember feeling "damn, weeks are long... why am I doing this again?"

The new beaky Sea Devil suits are gorgeous... If only eh. I probably know some of the people who worked on them.

I have a bunch of saved searches on a casting site, that will email me if any matching roles are posted. Things like alien, werewolf, monster, creature, prosthetic, mask. But too many people use phrases like "he masks his true feelings" or "he's alienated" way too often, so many false positives 🙁

Our tech director has this amazing ability to write a long post clarifying something, describing the same thing in multiple (inconsistent) ways, only to end up confusing the matter even more...

I'm in denial that Christmas is only 3 weeks away. I guess it's technically true that if I put off thinking about it long enough, it will go away...

I'm quite new to Macs, for work. They're fine, but definitely overrated. One thing that annoys me is the inconsistent windowing behaviour. App might close on clicking red X. Might not. App might require closing via menu or Cmd Q. Might not. Why does minimising duplicate the app icon on the taskbar?

In a long work call at the moment, camera and microphone off. I stopped paying attention - it's now over an hour (and still going). Scary moment though: "Durandal, do you want to look into that?" Me: Oh shit, er, I wasn't listening, um... "Yeah, sure, I could do that" 😬

I swear to f*cking god that most of the houses I'm looking at have bloody conservatories, shoehorned into a tiny garden. My budget really isn't that high- unless I want to live in a shoebox (I don't), I *have* to relocate. I have no use for a conservatory. I'd much rather have a bigger garden. Grr.

Bluesky logging me out of the android app every day or so is really starting to piss me off...

Silly little resin keyring that makes me smile.

Jump scared by "SCROTUM" while browsing Amazon Prime...

Gaaaah, what have you done to my beautiful application... I wrote this large webapp several years ago for my company, entirely solo. It was written mainly for one industry that never started using it, so it's been sat unused for a while. But it was super clean, logical, and it worked well.

Don't you just love it when you meet someone, and they say "I've been really unwell recently, it's really lingered and I'm still recovering... but I'm no longer contagious!" How do you know? Lo and behold, I'm starting to get minor symptoms today. What a surprise.