Felt like I was going wild today spending £320 on two new bonsai, while mulling it over I got chatting with a couple about to buy two trees totalling over £2500... (they were beauties, to be fair)

I miss the days where I actually cared about my job..! Sure, days were sometimes stressful, but they were fairly quick and satisfying, and I didn't feel this constant resistance. Physical work is easier to do without caring than cerebral work. Tasks just slip off the mind. Very hard to force it.

Just watched a senior dev walk through how he's using vibe coding in our main codebase, to do things like adding routes, cleaning up imports, unused functions, relatively simple stuff. And I dunno... to me, it just seems... easier to just make the changes manually? Than wrangling a LLM?

Trialling turning off all reposts. Got very tired of 3/4s of my feed being random reposts. Too much.

I'm definitely having a few days where every little minor distraction is bothering me. Feeling a little overwhelmed. Multi-tasking is BS, I need to lock in to one thing at a time.

Grrr. So, to set the scene- I live in a fairly small 2 bed house. I work from home 5 days a week, so I must have a dedicated office space. That's my small 2nd bedroom (3m*2m). My desk is at the far end. Storage behind/beside me. I'm pretty cramped. My "workshop" is at the door end. Let me describe.

How is the weekend over *already* 😫

Is anyone I know attending this year's MCM Comic Con in London in May?

I just filmed a monologue and a self-tape on my new Pocket 3 camera. Good thing I checked the footage before packing everything away... because I inadvertently had it on timelapse mode 😒 Had to re-film everything. Grr. Oh well. It's practice.

It's Rent Increase Day yaaaaaaaay...

I'm starting to feel like there's an increasing number of little things that I'd like to share with someone at the time it happens - a fun thought, experience, achievement or frustration - but doesn't feel significant enough to post on social media about, or type out an IM about.

Sometimes, after a work day of really challenging abstract theoretical problem-solving, when my brain turns to mush, and I don't really feel like I've achieved anything, I kinda wish I had a more menial labour job. Today is one of those days. Want to do more real, tangible stuff.

Melancholy post. Currently in a cafe, having a flat white. Sometimes when I do, I think back to my late mum. She loved strong coffee, but always found cappuccinos too weak + large. When flat whites appeared, I suggested to her she might like them. She never got the chance to try. Mixed feelings.

Unsure what to do today. I have little tasks, which I will do, but large expanses of nothing between them. It looks like it'll be a lovely day. Feels like an opportunity to do something that actually moves my life forwards, but I'm not sure what...

There should somehow be some kind of mortgage discount for households with a single income, similar to solo-living for council tax. Paying double for everything is crippling. A £350k house on shared income? Easy. Solo income? Hah, good luck. A single person can't live in half the house of a couple.

One of the problems of the modern online shopping landscape is the proliferation of cheap throwaway copycat products. If you don't know what a good brand is, and it's important to be high quality, it's very hard to figure it out now. Looking for quality has never been so difficult and frustrating.

First PT session in 9 weeks done, good to be back! Feels weird to no longer be focusing on pure strength, instead more functional movements + some strength. As fun as big muscles are, I'd much rather be able to move well and explosively, without constantly injuring myself. Maybe bulk more later.

4 days of werewolfing in a feature film last week 🐺👍 Seeing myself in full firearms officer gear at the end of a new major BBC TV series, which started on Sunday 👍 Sitting at my desk, back to my day job with a 215, 112, and 31 file code reviews to do 👎

I have now experienced the rite of passage of most creature performers (presumably) - trying to act moving around a tight indoor space around steps and multiple levels while being almost blind (and with bloody clawed hands, so I couldn't touch walls/doors/bannisters) 😛

I'm now refusing to watch YouTube videos with view tactics like: * overly inflammatory and clickbait titles (eg "lied to you", "you missed", "didn't want you to know", "changed forever" etc) * badly comped in faces with extreme expressions or finger points I've had enough of that manipulative bs.

I need to start training myself to survive later evenings, as the werewolf film we're shooting next week has most days scheduled to finish at midnight. But it's 10pm and I'm already hankering for bed... (I'm so bored of being on my sofa watching stuff, but I have little energy for much else)

It's not good that I'm getting pretty disillusioned with house hunting. I've got one viewing of a nice property on Saturday (which is over budget). But I think after I need to take a break. There's only so many uninteresting/inadequate houses I can see for my budget before it starts to get to me.

New office raptor.

It's actually quite a nice day today... Lunch at a garden centre, again. Did a tiny bit of bonsai work recently but they've not really woken up yet, so there's not much to do. Feeling a little alone. But, film plans are coming together, my back is improving, so very excited to Werewolf soonish.

Maybe it's me, but I feel like the portion size of most eaty-outy places is just too large these days. I hate the feeling of over-eating so much, I often leave food uneaten. I'd much rather pay a bit less for a smaller portion, even if it's less "cost effective".

Urgh, we've got an optional meeting next week about vibecoding...

Got the whole day free today, except for a 15-minute back health workout. Yesterday, the weather was actually sunny, but cold. Today, back to raining. Of course. No idea what to do today. Will probably waste another day. Would be nice to do something creative... but specifically what, I dunno...

My recent back injury has temp killed my creativity. I'm finally recovering, but still have to be careful. I've not had a PT session in 5 weeks, and only done back corrective exercises since Mon. Hoping it'll be OK for the werewolf job. Frustrated. Don't really want to do anything in the evenings.

Gah, today has been a real mess 😒 Early trip to car garage for new wheel needed to pass MOT (expires Sat). Wrong wheel delivered. Had to find another company + book emergency refurb of existing wheel on Thurs, then finish MOT Fri. Got home. Screwed up our weekly software update. Twice. I'm done.

I'm trying to work in a cafe (getting work done on my car), and I feel utterly lost without a second monitor. I'm constantly comparing multiple things, especially on a research/understanding task like I currently have. A 14" laptop screen alone is virtually unusable.

I've been at my current employer for almost 8 years. It really bothers me that there's *still* some fundamental concepts of the industry we build software for that I just don't get. It's been explained several times, and it doesn't stick. It really makes my job harder and more embarrassing.

At a bar with colleagues on a week away in Malta. Boss is taking orders, asked what I'd like. "How much is the Yamazuki 12?" "40 euros" Me: *sputters* "oh, no, I couldn't" Boss: "my treat" Me: "no, I can't" Boss: "go for it" Me: "... OK. Thanks!" *boss holds amused grimace rest of the evening*

I genuinely feel like having to spend 5 days a week sat at my desk is starting to physically injure me. I workout, I stretch, I'm a good weight, I have good core strength... yet I've pulled a muscle in my lower back *again* just by picking up a cleaning bottle from under the sink. My desk hurts me.

Last night my mood tanked- I think I hit my decision fatigue wall. It genuinely took me about 20 minutes of frustratingly repeat-scanning through streaming services to find an episode to watch. Feeling a bit better today, but I still feel worn out. Oh well, work time. Just what the doctor ordered...

So, uhhhhhhh... I've just landed the role of a werewolf for an indie feature film 😁

Despite having a fun prosthetic makeup-themed dream, which I can now only barely remember, I'm very much in grump mode today, for some reason. Every pop of a Slack notification is like a little stab into my soul. This week is really dragging.

I'm definitely happy to ask about and hear what other people are up to, how they're doing etc. It's great. But, you know, sometimes it'd be nice to be asked myself. (without me prompting). It sometimes feels very one-sided. (not referring to any of you)

I wish streaming services had an episode length filter on TV shows. I often don't want to watch a full 45+ minute episode of something, and really struggle to find shorter episode shows.

Thought I'd do something a bit different tonight - a full effort "prosthetic" makeup test for a MK1 inspired Noob Saibot cosplay. I do want to make the cowl and armour but that's a long way away. I'd definitely do some things differently (with different lenses), but it's not bad a for a first try!

There's nothing quite like going to the garden centre to make me feel tall and fast...

I now think that if my office was commutable, I'd much rather go there to work than work from home. WFH is fine if your job has structure, you're motivated, and you have other social/family outlets. Most of my day is now fighting my deep need to do *anything else*. Most of my week is alone.

The Internet has conditioned us so hard that there's no point making anything unless: a) you share it, b) you're immediately extremely good at it, and c) you can eventually monetise it. It's a "waste of time" otherwise.

As if I needed another reason not to do my job effectively - my lower back is currently a bit screwed (again), and I just can't find a position in my office chair that doesn't cause pain, wheeeeee... (and I swear my painkillers do nothing)

Just got out a "daily standup" call with my dev team. All of our teams will be getting at least one AI project, to integrate AI somehow into our software. To, and I quote: "say we use AI". That's it. To appease upper management. "To not look like we're being left behind." *sighs loudly*

So often, I watch a YouTube tutorial on how to make something. "This process is super easy. You don't need any equipment, specialised tooling, or expensive materials, let's get started." *shows themselves in a huge workshop surrounded by tools and equipment and SPACE* Me: *mentally tableflips*

I was given a book on "How to buy your first home" for Christmas, and while it's still useful, some of the prices are cute, as the book is a little dated. "Solicitor's fee: can vary, but allow from about £400" *chuckles* Try £2k more than that.

Expecting absolute perfection can *only* lead to disappointment. Perfect doesn't exist.

I'm a bit nervous. This afternoon, I'll be potentially publicly showing my temporary shoulder tattoo stripes. I've got a PT session, and need to get changed in the changing room. I'm still exploring, but I feel this is an important step. I can't get a real tattoo if I'm scared to show it.

New garden ornament - little baby raptor hatching!

Happy new year everyone! I'm really hoping 2026 will be the year I start to really engage with my creativity. There's hope for that, now that I'm voluntarily demoted, and no longer drowning in stress 🙂. Oh and hopefully finally buying my first house. Here's to a better 2026. 🍻