It's such a cliche. I'm middle-aged, and I messed up my knee by getting off the sofa wrong. It's been bad for about 4 weeks. I'm so frustrated, because I don't know what more I could be doing. I have a PT, work out 3 times a week with mobility/strength. I'm not overweight, flexible, and eat well.

Watching Jurassic World: Rebirth. It's remarkable just how little I care about all the characters.

As someone who definitely leans more towards introversion, I really do think the concept of "paired programming" (particularly remotely) not only doesn't work, but is in fact utter bullshit, is super-awkward, and is less productive than just giving me the space to work it out myself...

Oh shit, I forgot, it's Halloween tonight! Almost time to rush preparing my dinner early, so I can desperately get out of my house, and hideout in the pub until the hordes of kids go home and leave me in peace...

I'm on BARQ because... well... I dunno really, it felt like the thing to do at Pawsome. On the notifications panel, if someone likes an image, tapping the thumbnail loads nothing. Worse - some of the thumbnails are downright broken, so I can't tell which image they liked. Anyone else get that?

If I've learned anything from my limited time house-hunting, it's this. There's a lot of insane houses. Not in a good way. Houses where the layout makes no sense. Where there's a driveway between houses that's too narrow to open car doors. Random zigzags in the walls.

For the last few years (in particular) I've told myself "I have no imagination". I think I've completely internalised that belief. My default response to anything imaginative is "no" so quickly it almost doesn't register. I shut it down immediately. I've even had therapy specifically for this.

I have almost the whole day free for creative fun! *sits on the sofa in silence, uninspired, reluctantly reaching back to fill his hours with mindless YouTube, keenly aware of the inexorable passing of time to his inevitable death*

Doing lots of Adulting today. May need to offset it this evening somehow.

Been a weird week. 1. First week demoted to senior dev, and part of a new team. It is weird, but I definitely feel less stressed already. 2. Got mortgage-in-principle done, had a minor breakdown, now ready to move forwards. 3. Posted fox photos, got a lot of love. 4. Is the week *still* not over..?

Now for something a bit more fun, finally - v2 fox! In many ways, this is much better than my previous one. But in some ways, it's worse, and there's still areas I'm unhappy with. Still, a good learning experience. I will make another head on this system, but I'm not 100% sure what yet...

I've finally had a mortgage in principle generated, so I know how much I can borrow for a house. I earn decent money, a fair bit above average. The max I can borrow is slightly less than the average house price. This is just depressing. Oh well. No choice but to make it work...

When I'm bored, and don't want to vegetate on the sofa quite yet, I do my banking. I'm not joking. I update my spreadsheets and pay off anything on my credit card. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Today I took a bunch of photos of my new fox v2 head, with contact lenses and makeup. Aaaaaand... ... I think I'm going to do it all over again tomorrow, I'm not particularly happy with them. Damn shadows!

I get the distinct impression that the vast majority of homes in the UK, nobody actually *wants* to live in. "yeah, it's really awkward, terrible parking, and far too small, but I don't have a choice, it's all that's available and all I can afford"

End of an era. Today's my last day as a Team Lead. There's an hour and a half left, but I've done everything. My TODO list is clear. All I have left to do is say goodbye to my team. Very weird. Kinda sad. But I'm definitely looking forward to just doing development again. No more management.

Gah, maaaajor DOMS, I can barely walk..! Not unexpected through, I blasted through my personal best of heavy box squats at my PT session 2 days ago, maxing out at 127.5kg. I swear painkillers do nothing... *hobbles off to the kitchen to start preparing dinner*

I can't help but feel my creature film acting career is dead. I had an agent specialising in that work. I didn't get any jobs, but I did get considered for things. But they're now gone. I was a pro prosthetic makeup model. Now that school is no more. Nobody's making suitable films any more.

Big day - my work "demotion" has now been announced to the whole company, and all the team moves that came from that. Feels weird, but good. Things change next Monday.

Goddammit, Autumn/Winter sucks. All day, I was planning on taking some photos of my new fox V2 head, worn with makeup and everything, but I was busy with other things, and now it's been dark for 2.5 hours, my lizard brain is now: "It's dark, bedtime" I can't be bothered to do all that now...

Aha finally! The VelociPastor has been added to UK Prime Video for free! I know what *I'm* watching tonight 😅

I was only out in my "fur"suit once at Pawsome, for the group photo - here's a quick somewhat candid snap of me and @equinnmcmillan.bsky.social, to prove I was there! I'm not going to post the other photos here 😉

Back to the grindstone now - just had a chat about my "demotion", plans, schedules etc. Looks like it'll be announced early next week, to be implemented at the start of the following week. I'm really looking forward to the change, but it's also very strange. Going down a step. Losing my team.

Well, Pawsome was different..! It was very chill, and really nice to see everyone so freely expressing themselves with what they're wearing. And even contributing myself a few times 😜

Wandering the Pawsome Dealer's Den, once again reminded how it's almost entirely catering for dogs/cats, there's never any Dino stuff!

It really bothers me when people refer to "data" in the plural. "The data are much more accurate". 😬 I know it's *technically* more correct, but it's like claws on a chalkboard for me when I hear/read it. It feels so wrong to me.

Guerrilla filmmaking in a public space is weird, being watched repeating somewhat intense scenes several times, having to wait mid-take for a cleaner to walk past, etc... All done now though. And no fun costumes. Boo.

Noticed the elastic on the legs of my 19-year-old partial fursuit has disintegrated, so replacing that has been a fun little distraction on work-time 😜 I probably won't be able to get away with this as much once I'm demoted, but that's fine - I only do this because I'm burned out with leader bs.

Had a chat today. I'm off from next Tuesday to the following Tuesday, for some Cambs/London tourism, then Pawsome. The plan is for the team moves to be sorted out while I'm off. When I return, hopefully it'll just be proposed to me for my approval. Hopefully, I won't be a team lead much longer! 🎉

I might look into replacing my airbrush. I'm currently using it on the fox head, and while it works: * It's siphon fed, leaks, and is a pain to clean/reassemble * It's hard to rest when set up with paint - I have a hook on the desk, but worry about drips to the carpet * spray is... unpredictable

Me, shortly after 9pm: "Argh, I can *finally* relax and watch TV" Me, around 10pm, near the end of the episode: "... wait... how did I manage to do absolutely nothing this evening, yet still feel busy..? Where on earth did that time go..."

It's weird. Sometimes, I wish I was more outwardly weird. It'd be fun to confidently display my weird. Except there isn't that much I want show that's weird. And I don't have the confidence anyway to share that weird.

Goddaaaaamn I'm looking forward to ditching my Team Lead responsibilities, and becoming a Senior Dev again. We're just now introducing more management responsibilities on TLs that I *just can't be arsed with*. My "sideways" step is now known by the other TLs, so we need to organise who goes where.

Had a call with two mortgage brokers today. I now have some Adulting to do...

Does anyone have any indie game recommendations on Steam? I fancy playing something a little different, a bit more casual.

I've just noticed my cake of Mehron greasepaint has a typo on the label... I wonder if that means it's counterfeit? I did get it from Amazon after all...

Today, I want to finish the fox head v2 base ready for airbrushing. So that's shaving, pattern tweaks, fit/comfort improvements. And I very much have a grump on. Getting frustrated by the chronic lack of space. I have to put things on other things. All over the floor, having to climb over them.

Who knew making form-fitting gloves that are comfortable and move well is difficult... I have an old partial with exceptionally comfortable gloves, a very simple 2-piece pattern, and I still haven't been able to get it even close. Need to start using cheaper material to get the pattern right...

I've no idea why, but the Ring doorbell sound gives me a little flash of almost PTSD, it's bizarre (I've never had one). Similar to the sound of the default blackberry ringtone, which was my on-call phone 9 years ago. Thankfully that's rare now! Brains are weird.

This evening I was at a red carpet world premiere of a film I'm in, and an actor I know joked about me doing prosthetics roles for sleepy characters (I don't remember the context, maybe being tired from working full time). All in jest. I've not done any professional prosthetics work in 3 years 😢

Oooooh the genuine thrill I feel when I realise I (currently) don't have any meetings for work today 🎉

For the first time in a very long time, I'm... feeling a little excited about my job? If I get a demotion, it eradicates almost all the pain points, the tasks I feel huge resistance for. Grants time for more interesting things. Less responsibility is good.

I finally had an important conversation at work today, about reducing my responsibilities, and providing more flexibility so I can feel like I can explore acting/extras work more. I may be heading for a voluntary demotion, and strangely, I might not be the only one. Early days, but begun.

Risking it. Slightly scared. I loved this book, but I'm concerned I can't immerse myself in novels any more.

@durandal2uk.bsky.social @equinnmcmillan.bsky.social and myself visiting Menai Bridge during ZebraCon! 🦖🐲🦓 #fursuit #furry #wales #dinosaur #nardoragon #zebra

I wish I wasn't so anal about always making sure any chat groups I'm in have no unread messages... 😬 (I often don't even read them, just scroll to the bottom so the number goes away)

Had a great week off with friends. Tired today after driving over 300 miles, glad to be home. But now really feeling the crushing weight of going to bed and waking up to resume work tomorrow.

Telegram sticker pack for @durandal2uk.bsky.social ! 🦖 #furry #furryart #scalie

It's so hard to find raptor/dino trinkets and stuff in random tourist shops, boo..!

I read a chapter from a novel every night, as part of my bedtime routine. While it really helps me fall asleep, it's also remarkably frustrating. It's a frequent reminder how... ineffective novels are for me now. I used to really enjoy them. Now, they're just a string of words I'm rushing to read.