Urgh, modern software dev is no fun. At least, modern Vue with php. I'm adding one simple new field to two models, and displaying it in 3 places. And renamed one other variable, as it's set to a different value in the backend. Had to change 32 files.

Frustrated. Found a really lovely 3d print model of a werewolf. Printed it out beautifully. Discovered one hand has 3 fingers, the other 4. Almost certainly AI - I don't see why anyone would choose to do that. It's soured my appreciation of the figurine.

Finally watched the feature film I was asked to audition for a lead creature role for, but I withdrew as I couldn't afford the time off work. Remarkable film, some cool moments, but I can also see why it wasn't huge. Very arty, but it had to be, given the source material.

One of the many things I'm looking forward to in my new house (if it happens) is finally separating my "workshop" from my office. I *hate* having to go back into my office (the smallest room in the house) after a "hard" day's BS work, to work on fun creature stuff. It sucks all the joy out of it.

Had a big company call yesterday (remote), talking about our new product that was prototyped using AI vibecoding (I've not worked on it). The plan was always to scrap it and rewrite from scratch once we know what it should be. Head business guy: "But the app works now. Why can't we ship this now?"

Trying a new thing to exercise my idea generation muscle. Come up with at least 10 ideas daily, anything, doesn't even have to be realistic or actionable. My brain: "What's an... 'ideeear'?" #HeadEmpty

I feel like I'm constantly waiting. Waiting to do what I want, to achieve what I desire, to make my life how I want it to be. Some of it is indecision or uncertainty. Some of it is justified. Some of it is fear. A lot of it is excuses, valid or otherwise.

Something switched in my brain. I just couldn't take sitting in my 31.1C office any longer, doing pointless busywork that nobody cares about. I hit my physical limit. I'm now in my living room with the AC running, feeling relatively "cool" at 29.7C. Screw work.

This heat is getting really boring. I feel trapped in my living room, the only room with AC, that can only be cooled to 28C. The rest of my house is horrible. The outside is just paving, gravel, concrete, and brick, and unpleasantly hot. I'm bored. There's only so much YouTube I can watch.

My office is now 30.1C. I don't sweat all that much. I just get hot. So I've started just wetting down my head, neck, arms, and legs with cold water. Repeatedly. (It does help, though)

Gah, it's 08:13 and my home office is already 28.3C... Today is gonna be ROUGH.

*laughs* Oh Evri... "Sorry, your parcel has been damaged beyond repair in transit." (thankfully it's nothing important)

*starts home workout* "Huh, it's taking me longer to recover between sets, that's weird..." *looks over at thermometer* "Ohhh..."

I've had a lot of obligations and stuff I *have* to do recently. So today, the first day for what feels like a long time, I had no commitments, and gave myself permission to do whatever I wanted, including nothing. No pressure, not even on personal projects. It's been really nice, and much needed.

Urgh, our daily team "standup" calls are now routinely 30 minutes long, mainly because of one guy who won't shut up...

I rather like how "masked content creator" is a bit of a thing, especially on Instagram. It's rather "polluted" my actor feed 😜 Considering how much I like masks/creature acting, it's mad how I don't yet own a silicone mask. Or have much of a collection. It requires ideas, commitment, enthusiasm.

This week, I will mostly be trying not to let all the time-sensitive tasks and pressures and responsibilities that are all piling up on me overwhelm me, while just getting on with them all... (I can't wait until Sunday. I'm officially doing fuck all on Sunday. Gonna be great.)

Just finished watching Tron Ares. Definitely a spectacle, but it makes little sense, and is weirdly... emotionally bland. Nice armour, though. And interesting choice of Nine Inch Nails for the music.

It feels like reality is starting to set in. AI *does* have its uses, but not to the extent evangelists proselytise. Colleague: "It's clear AI can get you 80% of the way very quickly, but the last 20% takes forever. It's a huge mess." We're also burning through tokens, and rising costs. #bubble

I have two orchestral concerts coming up in the next two weekends, one of which is extremely challenging, and... I'm looking forward to them being done. I'm feeling the pressure. I have to practice *hard* whenever I can, so I even have the *hope* of being able to play it all. Fun, but... a lot.

Blasted through 2 PB's in today's PT, so that's good 🙂 #acronyms

I'm learning about AI agents for work... and it's making my skin crawl. I do think there's *some* useful features in software dev, but so many examples I've seen feel extremely lazy, potentially dangerous, or not professional. Perhaps by me learning about it, I can help us avoid mistakes.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a single person in my life I can freely talk about some things with. It often doesn't feel appropriate. Sometimes I want to discuss something, but there's nowhere for that feeling to go. Just a sense of awkwardness and discomfort.

Note to self - not a good idea to practice an *extremely* high orchestral trumpet part (fortissimo super F's, for anyone who knows), immediately after a workout. I nearly passed out, heh 😅

Dammit! So, a few years ago, I withdrew from a huge audition for a lead creature role in a large "indie" film. My reason? I couldn't afford the 3 months off work they said I'd need. I've just watched a behind the scenes video. It was filmed in 6 weeks. Not 3 months. Might've been doable. Grrrr...

While out on my (2nd) walk today, I got thinking. It's quite common for people to have self-berating thoughts. But I've never related to that, as it's not something I've generally struggled with. I recognised today I have a different mental vocabulary that's more subtle in its destructiveness.

It's so bizarre, but wonderful. Whenever I listen to the song "The Greatest Show" (from the film) loudly in the car, and try to sing along to the lyrics I remember, it almost always causes goosebumps and makes me remarkably emotional. It's so joyous, interesting, and the message is powerful too.

My bedroom is so bright in the mornings, even with both blinds fully closed, that I have to sleep with an eye mask. It's so bright, that when I remove the mask, I have to give my eyes time to adjust *while keeping them closed*. I'm so looking forward to a bedroom I can properly control.

I'm finding myself utterly devoid of ideas and motivation recently, even more than normal. Some big news: I'm currently buying a house. Finally. Intensity is hugely variable - periods of literally nothing, and then massive important decisions need making quickly. And random bills of £££.

... ohhhh, so *that*'s why half my company is on leave... It's apparently the half term holidays this week. I had no idea. Just another 4-day week for me.

Sooooo... I guess no uyoe suits at Confuzzled then 😛

I really hope I truly get to the place of genuinely not caring what anyone may think. The freedom must be immeasurable. I'm slowly moving there, but I've a long way to go.

I wanted to drop by London Comic Con tomorrow, but as I'm still a bit ill (although feeling much better than I did), probably not a good idea. Aside from an important rehearsal Sunday evening (which makes going away awkward), I need to think of something worthwhile to do on the 3-day weekend...

Have fun at Confuzzled, those that are going! Take photos of any uyoe fursuits for me 😜

Oh what a shocker, apparently our vibe-coded prototype is a coding disaster and is borderline unreadable and unmaintainable, and has absolutely bizarre internal processes, who'd've seen that coming...

*go be around furries* *return with some kind of disease* (pretty sure I've caught a cold, my first in maybe a year)

London furmeet here I come..! (I'm half expecting it to be relatively quiet today)

*tableflip sticker* Goddammit work has been pissing me off lately. Maybe I've just been a bit shit recently, but due to a lack of clarity, a number of things I've done recently have had to be reworked at the time of delivery. "Oh, no, we didn't want it like that". Great, amazing. *growls*

I sometimes think "Maybe I should make a new actor's social media profile" to replace my dead twitter one- I sometimes have stuff I want to say, and feel I have nowhere to say it. Then I remember social media is awful, and I really don't post much of value (mainly rant). But then, *community*... 🤔

Frozen chicken goujons. Pack serves 2. Pack contains 9 goujons. 🙄 I really don't understand food packaging these days.

Feeling weirdly overwhelmed at work today. Have a number of complex unrelated things I have to think about. Had 4 meetings. Things not behaving as I expected. It's like the air pressure has increased, and thickened. Kinda want to crawl under a rock, but also chat with friends, about what, dunno...

I'm trying a new browser plugin that filters out all Facebook posts that aren't from your friends or groups you follow. It's "hilarious" how many posts are rejected. It's a constant stream of crap. Genuinely - it can try for about 30 seconds before one more valid post. (Why am I still there...)

Fiiiinally, got to see the Mortal Kombat 2 movie today, been waiting for it for about a year! T'was fun, and there's some amazing costumes 😛

Ordering my ticket for the LondonFurs meet on the 16th. Reach the tickbox to confirm if you're human... 🤔 🦖 🥲

I swear all these modern javascript libraries and approaches makes everything way more complicated. Got a table of users with tiny profile picture thumbnails. Before: backend provides uid to image. Browser loads image, auto-caches. Simple, very quick.

I'm gonna try to attend the Londonfurs meet on the 16th. Been missing furry stuff lately, Real Life is very much dominating the whimsy at the moment (not bad, just, a lot). Would be good to see some of you there, even though it's the week before Cfz..!

House hunting is all about finding the maximum number of compromises you're prepared to accept. 21st viewing today. Nope. But I am going for a second viewing on Friday, one that's a possible contender. Definitely not perfect, but I don't have the money for perfect.

Just had a kinda sad thought. Wondering whether to have an early night, try to catch up on sleep. Considered watching another episode of Last One Laughing, which I enjoy. "I don't have the energy to laugh tonight."

Today is probably going to be a fairly rough day. I'm so tired. Not been sleeping well. Lots on my mind. Frustration. I have an awkward phone call to make to cancel 2 house viewings for Thursday I only booked yesterday. Unexpectedly busy work day today... maybe. Second guessing myself a lot.

I worked with one actor on a course I did last year. The instructors confided in me they really struggled to get him to actually emote in his scene - he was flat and uninteresting. Having seen his scene, I absolutely agree. Yet somehow, he's *constantly* working. It feels like every other day...