Don't travel by train much but quietly dumbfounded by the amount of people listening to stuff without headphones. I mean WTF???

Amy earning her money this year. #strictly

Oh dear God. Fuck off Neil.

Girl chick just got rejected to buy a can of Monster for being underage. You have to be 16. She is 27. WTF. I'm sure she'll appreciate it when she's 60.

Being retired is just constantly asking "what day is it?"

Who made this! 😹

Just broke out in a cold sweat, remembering the time I congratulated a complete acquaintance on her pregnancy, only to be told she wasn't pregnant. So embarrassed- never spoke to her again. Now remember the saying "unless you can see the baby actually coming out, assume nothing." 🙁

And what did you do at the weekend? Nothing much, just had fish and chips on a steam engine journey, with the boy chick.

Fatal mistake. Watched the first series of Only Murders in the Building on itvX for free, and now I'm going to have to get Disney+. It's how they get you lads. Bastards. 😉

Celebrity work must be thin on the ground at the minute. Latest ads include David Beckham doing lager, Craig David doing Just Eat, Gordon Ramsey doing Burger King and Robbie Williams doing cat food. 😆

Just for info if you have God, Jesus, flags or military shite, or hate in your bio, don't bother following me. I'm not your people anyway, so don't waste your time.

The garden has been an absolute state for months. Just don't have the energy. Used my first pension payment to pay someone to cut the hedge & tree. 89 YO disabled mum, shamed me into spending 2 hours sorting out the rest with her. She's a machine & I'm broken on the sofa. Looks good though.

Wasn't a massive user of public transport before, but since I got my bus pass last month I've used it loads. Saved a fortune on fares, petrol and parking. Bit shite I had to wait until I was 66, but still appreciated. Also been on the metro more times in 2 months than the previous 3 years. 🚆🚌

Brunch with a view.

Think I've cracked the hot nights. I bought one of those cooling towels you wet and shake to stay cool, and a clip on fan that goes on my bedside table and blows in my face. I slept. I've probably now jinxed it and it'll snow tomorrow. 😆

Got a few hours to myself, sea glass hunting, on Cullercoats beach this morning. First time using my free pass on the metro too. Yay.

Visiting Carlisle with the chicks. Train along Tyne Valley was gorgeous. Tullie House is excellent, especially for kids that love dinosaurs

Was just wondering how many thousands of pounds I've spent on house and contents insurance in the last 40 years. I still do it, but I've only ever needed to claim twice.

Spent last night at an Ultimate 80s disco night with Martin Kemp. Very fun,but very loud and hot. Did point out that anyone that actually lived through the 80s would have appreciated a seat and not to have to queue for a drink for ages, but hey ho.

Just been to Travis Perkins to pick up an order. I swear there was so much testosterone in there, that I've come out with an hairy chest. 😆

Not for the first time I silently thank past me, for filling my night time tablet boxes, when I definitely couldn't be arsed to do it now. 🙏

At The Book of Mormon with the chicks. Bloody hilarious. Great way to spend a Monday.

I'm having a lager and lime. I feel like I've sneaked out to the pub from the school disco. 😉

Trip to see Magna Carta with the boy chick. Reminded me of this. youtu.be/oJ4mxOluXY4?...

The boy chick and I spent a lovely day on a massive ship. The Nao Victoria is a replica of the first ship that sailed around the world. Twas cracking.

Oh Ozzy 😢

Spent 2 days in hospital with mum (everything fine, just tests) & really needed to do something different today. Achieved it spectacularly by going on the Shields Ferry & riding the Metro IN THE FRONT SEAT. I'm basically 7.

Saw Tim Minchin this week so seems only polite to rewatch Upright. If you haven't, do. Worth it.

There's a house near mum that has about 40 garden gnomes in the front garden. Except it's one of those houses where the front is almost on the street and it's concreted over. They're in straight lines. Can't help thinking psychopaths live there. 😳

@holmfirthartist.bsky.social thanks for getting in my head the other day. It resulted in this. Me and only me.

I've got no explanation as to why I feel so protective of Lewis Capaldi. I can only think what he's been through was so raw, it touched my heart. Watching him sing Someone you Loved, on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury, after last time, has me in a snotty mess. 😍

Wish I had one of those mirrors that make billionaires think it's them that look sooooo attractive. Not one ounce of self awareness in any one of them. 😉

Bezos is paying £20m for a wedding in Venice. He's pootling about in a £250m yacht and his guests are arriving in 95 private jets. Meanwhile I've just put the blue bin out. 🙄

Tim Minchin tonight lads. 🥳

The boy chick and I have been to the town Moor (Hoppings) Never go on the rides but just drink up the atmosphere. 😍

Call me old fashioned but when Lynx ads are about smelling some rando's bollocks, we've lost the plot. Soaps a thing kids.

I have a fan at the end of my bed. It's been there for years and on the odd occasion I can't sleep because of the heat, it works a treat. It is currently 18 inches from my head on full blast. 🥵

Started watching series 2 of The Last of Us. Can't help thinking about the people who spent their lives wanting to be celebrated actors, in Shakespearian masterpieces and Oscar nominated blockbuster. Instead they get to play a turnip headed zombie. ☹️

I mean, it says it's going to be boiling, so a beer garden seemed the obvious choice.

I have a theory that if all the conflicts and issues around the world were about the unborn and dogs, that shit would have been shut down withing 24 hours. People are weird.

He's still hilarious.

Always used to chase the pigeons away from my bird feeders, giving the little birds a fighting chance, then 2 doves pitched up. Now I think doves are just pigeons with good PR, but I like them so they stay. Now the little birds drop seeds on the ground for the pigeons & they're all happy.

I love how we refer to some things by exactly what they are. Black Eye Friday, last Friday night out before Christmas is one. Danger Night, first night of the Hoppings is another. They sometimes even half the price of the rides too, "Aye Janet, I might die but it's cheaper man, more candy floss."🤣

I used to have a quite important job. I mean not massive, but well respected and useful. Now I mostly do hospital visits with mum, pick up and order prescriptions, ferry everyone around and endlessly empty the fucking dishwasher. Retirement 😂

Watching the first episode of the new Bergerac, it's incredibly annoying. Does it improve?

2 swimmers and 2 pensioners having a plodge and that's it. Few dog walkers on the prom. It's all mine.

I'm so lucky. 20 minutes from home.

I mean it's not a bad view for a walk. 😉

Just spotted a bloke, wearing a life jacket, at the zebra crossing going to Sainsbury's. I can't even make-up a reason for that!