i'm so tired of feeling irritated and annoyed all the time, i'm tired of having headaches all the time, i'm tired of sleep being the only way i can stop feeling fucking miserable

i keep doing extensive research on therapists and then they never respond to me. i just want someone who is gonna click can you not ghost me like it's a fucking job app 😭

itd be so funny and cool if i wasn't on my period on my birthday (tummy hurty want to scream cry throw up depression)

i love reconnecting with people that i had too much guilt to talk to (because i'm terrible about ghosting sometimes) and it's just. like nothing changed. (i apologized and it's just. great again. 😭)

had a stinky mental health night :<

i'm so fucking tired dude. i just want to have fun and hang out with people.

i resonate with zayne because he's elsa and as an older sister the "conceal, don't feel, don't let it SHOWWWWW" is me 100% all the time. i don't think there is a person alive that knows how i feel about 90% of shit. it's lonely.

mentally i am here

trying to motivate myself to clean this week… it won’t even take that long if i just do it…

oh to tuck into bed at 8pm with my cat purring next to me after doing an everything shower

got a manicure before I left and jfc I can’t wait to get home and fix my nails because she reallyyyyyy did not do a good job filing them. They’re so bad

i decided to not take my meds while on vacation but i highkey miss being full and not thinking about food 24/7

thinking about my jp to do and playing overwatch instead

i thought my meds weren’t working because I haven’t lost a bunch of weight but then I went shopping for new pants and went down 2 sizes from just like 2 months ago

it's fucking dire all i've wanted to do the last 2 weeks is cry and play overwatch and sleep and that's all i've done and the overwatch is just there to fill the void of my waking hours so i don't need to think about anything

books i am planning for my flight -stormlight 3 -feast for crows -bury our bones in the midnight soil -gideon/harrow/nona

painting walls isn't as hard as it seems but it definitely isn't easy either. also we're redoing that floor so i just haven't bothered with covering it lol

i did a coat of paint but i need to do the detail work with a brush still. and go to the store and get a clean roller for the second color. but i don't wanna. painting is hard

took a nap, had a nightmare about my cat. :<

love making food in the crock pot

god im so mad im so mad im so MAD

wanting to do so much cleaning but ugh why won’t my brain ever let me do anything like why can’t I just fucking Do It

as someone with extremely bad anxiety, opening lads and zayne going "i'm not annoyed. i have a lot of patience." just improves my day a lot for some reason. obviously i know pixel man isn't mad at me but it's just a reminder that people don't secretly wish for my demise all the time

trying to learn some speed reading strats but it’s just making me dizzy lol

only thing that helped with pain is weed gummy

ripped up my toenail pretty bad :< my back is killing me :< and i have to finish drive but i just want to sleep i'm in so much pain today

my entire body is in pain and this happens so often and i hate the two parts of my brain telling me “it’s because i am lazy and out of shape” versus “this is chronic and you should get it checked out”

i am really, really tired of feeling mentally unstable. i am terrified of hurting the people around me but i've never found anything that helps.

i hurt my knee about a week ago and i thought it was fine, it still hurt a little but eh except this week i'm driving a lot & walking a dog and it still hurts pretty bad and i can't find my knee brace

i was about to make a “the lion does not concern himself” joke but it wrapped all the way back around about not caring about other peoples opinions and I was like ok tywin thank you king

i feel like i'm wasting away a bit.. i don't do anything, not even chores. i can't write the way i want to but where's the line being lazy

An overwhelmingly common reason people give for enjoying this type of work IS ITS SEPARATION FROM REALITY. People are ENJOYING A FANTASY, not planning their weekend. This deserves protection.

being an aquarius is so hard sometimes 😔

amazing how when u eat food u feel better..

i played a $30 deadpool mtg deck (context: deadpool alone is $15) and whipped ass

made some congee for the first time because i'm sick and it actually has been very wholesome just like chicken noodle soup

i am so fucking bad at talking to people dude

took nyquil last night so I slept great except I woke up at 5:30 which tbf I slept all day yesterday then went to bed at 10 but still I am annoyed

feeling loved by my friends instead of constant anxiety that everyone hates me is so fucking weird (but good obviously)

i swear every kdrama has the same damn apartment now

being high is awesome because i either get to relax and play the sims 3 for 7 hours OR have hallucinations about being the court jester sentenced to the cold dungeon by the lying king

mental breakdown cancelled (period started)

deep dish

there’s just this ache in my chest that won’t go away I had to force myself to be excited about a game event I’ve been looking forward to for months I feel so fake and lifeless dude

i have to do shit today augh

eat the ones you love is the perfect vibe for me right now oughhhh

peak

depression hours even though i got my zayne cards

cw weight// i haven't lost any weight really since starting meds but!! non scale victory i had to re-do my face id on my phone because it couldn't recognize me. i stared at my face in the mirror and was like. damn bitch you look different (positive)

i start working out so i can get muscle-y and strong to cosplay zayne