Seems strange to put these on the shelf next to each other…

Potato chips were invented out of spite. Finally an origin story I can relate to.

The best part of a diet is the 1st day, when I eat all the junk food in my house so I won’t be tempted later. I usually quit my diet shortly after this phase.

Ugh. I can’t believe UConn could only win a measly 2 national championships in a row. So pathetic! #GoHuskies

Get you a girl who surprises you with expensive gifts. #sugarmama

As a goof, I once hid a pair of panties behind my friends’ sofa pillows. Then I just waited for either he or his wife to find them and wonder whose they were. I think, once he finishes paying the divorce lawyers, he’ll think it was a pretty funny joke.

Dollar Store Pregnancy Test- When you kind of want to know if you might be pregnant maybe.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a pee is worth a thousand smells. -dog proverb

Ralph’s Grocery Store -“Hey what day is it?” Common Sense Person- “January 23rd” Ralph’s Grocery Store- *Hurries to put out the St. Patrick’s Day food @ralphsgrocery.bsky.social

My algorithm- “Let’s mess with him, just to see if he does it.” My ads -

Sometimes, even though I risk getting salmonella, I eat the raw cookie dough. That’s right ladies, I’m a bad boy.

They say an elephant never forgets, which made it all the more hurtful when they didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday.

“How come you keep cutting your fingers?” “Because I can’t see the knives, Jeff. I CAN’T SEE THE KNIVES!!!”

So…am I Skying now, or Bluing?