ONE DAY HELL WILL BE FULL OF ICE.

My front yard cactus is leveling up—last year it had just one flower, and this year it’s pushing out five.

The man who ran a fraudulent university and defrauded countless students should be the last person talking about punishing real academic institutions. But here we are.

People say “He’s playing chess while you’re playing checkers.” No—actually he’s at a tiny table shoving crayons up his nose.

My dentist asked if I floss twice a day. I said yes but forgot to mention it’s only on the days I have a dentist appointment.

Just spent two hours replacing all the handles on my kitchen cabinets. I can confidently say—American factories screwing in tiny screws to make iPhones sounds miserable.

The price hikes and market losses don’t come close to the grief and rage I feel for the innocent men rotting in a hellhole in El Salvador. Let the tariffs stay. Let the people who voted to treat humans like trash finally feel something—anything.

Trump didn’t win because of culture war nonsense—he won because people felt the pinch of inflation. Now that he’s driving the economy off a cliff, I’m weirdly okay with it. Just keep those tariffs up. Let his voters taste what they voted for.

"Sixteen Nobel laureates have described his (Trump's) economic plan as something that would increase inflation and by the middle of next year would invite a recession." Kamala Harris 9/10/24

The operation was a success! The patient woke up, saw the bill, checked his 401(k) and promptly asked to be put back under.

My boyfriend told me he hates me today. Well, his exact words were: “I don’t want you starting another home improvement project until you finish the seven that are still pending.” Same thing, really.

I know it’s petty, but if I get a Tesla for my Uber, I’m canceling the ride instantly. Done it a few times now. The shitty part? A lot of Teslas in Uber’s fleet are leased to drivers at subprime rates.

Elon Musk asked what kind of jerk enjoys watching Tesla’s stock crash. Me, I do. 😈

Stocked up on Crown Royal today. My Canadian friends might be boycotting our liquor (rightfully so) but I’m still happy to support yours.

Back from a month-long social media detox. Feeling refreshed and ready to dive back in!

Tesla stock is 30% cheaper since Trump took office. I guess he is lowering prices.

Hey Elon, here’s what I accomplished last week: 1. Went on a cruise and drank like a pirate. 2. Made work pay for Wi-Fi, then ignored all emails. 3. Ordered two entrées every night. 4. Told everyone I heard calling the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America to go fuck themselves.

I ate an entire pint of Talenti in the bathtub today. 10/10 would recommend.

We should rename the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans to “The American Ocean.” That way, when a pilot announces, “We’re now flying over the American Ocean,” everyone will be confused because there are two of them.

Imagine being a government executive and having to justify your entire job to a 19-year-old "efficiency expert" in a 15-minute interview. Absurd.

Time is crawling at a snail’s pace...

Can we pass a law requiring fast food breakfast until at least 11 AM? 10:30 is way too early to cut it off.

Canada and Mexico are the two largest sources of international tourists in Las Vegas. A weaker Canadian dollar and Mexican peso mean fewer visitors, which hurts our local economy. Raising prices on top of that will only make things worse.

He’s definitely trying, but Trump and Musk can’t just shut down USAID. USAID was created by the Foreign Assistance Act of 1961, and the President doesn’t have the power to dismantle it without congressional approval.

I’m not sure what Trump’s strategy with tariffs is—honestly, I doubt he knows either. What I do know is that plenty of people want to abolish the federal income tax and replace it with a national sales tax. This feels like a step in that direction.

Strive for less. It’s way less stressful.

A few years ago, I had a great team but worked for a company in chaos. Right before COVID, we got laid off. They shorted my severance by 30%, then sent me another check which resulted in a 50% overpayment. Months later, a letter arrived: “Payroll error. Please return the extra money.”

This is weighing on me tonight. LVMPD just updated their policy to comply with the Laken Riley Act, which means undocumented individuals, even for something as minor as stealing a sandwich, can now be handed over to ICE.

Many of the “DEI contracts” being eliminated are simply commitments to buy from minority-owned businesses. If you stop purchasing paper towels from a minority-owned business, you still need paper towels. Cutting DEI doesn’t cut costs it cuts diversity.

Terrible news about the American Airlines flight. My thoughts are with all those affected.

Happy Lunar New Year

Instead of going to the gym this morning, I got a soufflé from Panera.

Registered Republicans now outnumber Democrats in Nevada—but it’s not as dramatic as it sounds. Nevada’s DMV auto-registers voters as independents. Declaring a party requires extra steps after registration, so the shift may reflect procedural quirks, not political tides.

As long as I have the power to influence hiring, I’ll prioritize building diverse teams. That’s a non-negotiable for me. If I’m ever told I can’t do that, I’ll find a new employer and take their highest performers with me.

Since January 20th: ⬆️ Eggs up 7% ⬆️ Colombian Coffee up 25% ⬇️ Presidential Meme Coins down 64%

A 25% tariff on Colombia? Looks like your morning coffee and weekend cocaine is about to get a lot pricier.

The fact that some children feel the need to carry papers proving their residency to school out of fear that ICE might target them there is heartbreaking.

With a moratorium on foreign aid in place, I’m sure we’ll see that money redirected to housing the unhoused, right? After all, they said we need to take care of our own people first before sending billions abroad.

My boyfriend has this adorable habit of getting toothpaste all over the mirror when he brushes his teeth. Lucky me—I get to clean it up.

Pete Hegseth: Confirmed as Secretary of Defense. Also Pete Hegseth: Starting Day 1 of sobriety.

I told myself at the beginning of the month that I was going to make a conscious effort to watch less news and eat more strawberry sundaes. I just checked my Dairy Queen app today and I’ve been there 9 times this month.

I was disappointed to see both my Democratic Senators and Congressperson vote for the Laken Riley Act. I’ll be paying close attention to their votes in the years ahead.

Wasn’t it Trump who complained about people emptying their prisons into the United States and not sending their best people.

As long as I have the power to influence hiring, I’ll prioritize building diverse teams. That’s a non-negotiable for me. If I’m ever told I can’t do that, I’ll find a new employer and take their highest performers with me.

I’m sitting tight and waiting for one of these freshly pardoned Jan 6 nut jobs to commit a new heinous crime. The campaign ads will write themselves. We can follow up with naming legislation after them—"The Boone Gator Skeeter Crenshaw Act,” banning gun ownership for pardoned insurrectionists.

Some family friends visited from Seattle and we spent the day doing touristy things in Vegas. It was exactly what I needed today—a much needed break from reality.

Trump promised to cut energy costs by 50% in his first year if reelected, blaming Biden’s environmental policies. His executive order might boost energy stock prices, but let’s be real—the cost of energy won’t be going down for consumers.

Had a palm tree on its last legs and in danger of falling over. These experts came out today and took care of it like true professionals!

It’s National Popcorn Day, so my boyfriend brought a five gallon bucket to Cinemark and they filled it up with a disgusting amount of popcorn for just $5.

If you are looking for a new career there’s never been a better time to become an immigration attorney or paralegal. History will judge you well.