I've always made fun of the "Big Mac, no meat" item on the McDonald's menu. It isn't a Big Mac with plant-based patties. It's a regular Big Mac, but with no patties at all. Today, having a sore throat, I decided I'd like to eat just bread softened with sauce, so I ordered the "Big Mac, no meat."

When you order a bunch of crap you don't need from 7-Eleven just to get a Slurpee, and they bring all that other crap, but not your Slurpee... (I have a sore throat. The crushed ice helps. The sugar probably doesn't, but I want it anyway.)

I've been working on something fun behind the scenes... This HIGHER MAGIC audio cut scene is an exclusive preorder incentive. It stars 3 of the amazing voice actors I worked with on @hauntnowpod.bsky.social. 🧵 @htpbooks.bsky.social @htphive.bsky.social

Courts need to stop giving so much weight to young men's "potential" during sentencing. They've fulfilled their potential for violent crime. Maybe they had other types of potential, but that's not what they chose to pursue.

I use my phone mostly for taking pictures of sell-by dates, zooming in on them, and seeing if my food is still safe to eat. I don't talk on the phone much. I text on Signal, on my laptop. Browsing, too, is a laptop-only task. I mention this to set the scene for a ridiculous story:

Playing Stardew Valley doesn't make you fascist. Wanting to play IRL Stardew Valley in a lily white post-apocalyptic cottagecore paradise makes you super king mega fascist.

Anyone remember the title of the Tales from the Crypt/Vault of Horror comic where the guy had a telephone in his grave in case he got buried alive, but when he tried to use it, all the lines were busy? Then it either shows a newspaper, or the Cryptkeeper comments that it's December 7, 1941?

The big drawback of platforms like Bluesky, which have "followers" instead of "friends," is that you get situations where someone cool follows you, so you follow them back...then one day, you realise they're no longer following you.

I made it a Hairy Batman crossover issue!

I'm not saying I'm NOT going to buy all these Dragon Quest remakes. Obviously I am. I love Dragon Quest. But...Dragon Quest Builders III? Any news there?

For a few days now, I've been seeing this "if you see this, retweet with a random photo of a celebrity from your phone" tweet floating around, and I was genuinely confused at how ALL these people had been in celebrities' homes taking their pictures--and at what good photographers some of them were.

When I posted this a few weeks ago, I had NO idea this song had been co-opted by groypers. I was honked at my boss over an ongoing pay dispute, and was singing a verse usually sung in labour contexts, in protest of unfair workplace conditions. This was not a far-right dog whistle.

Hey! It’s a full moon. It’s a lunar eclipse. It’s a giveaway! Win an annotated copy of HIGHER MAGIC and some moon-themed stickers! 🌚 Details in thread.

Hey folks! Money's tight since I had my hours reduced, and I have some upcoming payments, so I'm opening ✨ art commissions ✨! If you're interested in letting me draw your blorbos, reach out at [email protected] or on Discord @thiefprince. And if you order today, I'll throw in something extra! 💕

The song in my head today is definitely about me.

Sweetie aisle rankings: God tier: Barratt sherbet fountain S-tier: Gray's herbal tablets; salt liquorice A-tier: Kendal mint cakes; flying saucers B-tier: Turkish delight (the proper kind, not, like, a Big Turk bar) C-tier: Reese's peanut butter cups (gross but moreish) Rubbish tier: milk chocolate

(1)🚨ALL EYES ON INDONESIA🚨 It's 0.41. A.M. Local time. First they cut off the power in Kwitang & Senen. Then the snipers came. And now they're using live bullets. Just 3 days ago the Indonesian Broadcasting Commission silenced the journalists to not broadcast the protests.

You know that old saw about how a grand jury will indict anything, including a ham sandwich? Guess we can finally put that one to bed.

I'd like to NOT have "Wenn die Soldaten" stuck in my head right now. Why do I know the words to this? I don't even speak German.

Who else has childhood memories of being put out to play, but no other kids were home, so you went on some dissolute suburban odyssey, invading construction sites, carving your name in the wood frames of halfway-built homes? Digging holes in the forest? Looking for snakes? Stealing books from the...

Doesn't Russian have its own acronym for "NPC?" (Just spent an embarrassing amount of time puzzling over "НПС," like "npssss? Nips? What the hell?")

My worst art school moment was when one of my professors pulled out a red pen and, before I could stop him, started drawing on the picture I'd brought in for critique. I'd sold it that morning on eBay.

It's 2002. I'm living in Umeå. I'm down the Statoil* wrinkling my nose, like "why does it smell like shit in here?" I look down and see I've stepped in dog shit, and tracked it all through the squeaky clean Statoil. * A petrol station that also sells food, bit like a SPAR or a 7-11.

My eyes are extra-blurry today, but still and all...this isn't the worst bird I've drawn.

You know how whales sometimes offer their kills to human beings? Wouldn't it be heinous if they're doing that because they know we hunt them, and they're offering meat in exchange for their lives? It's what I would do if a big dog was chasing me: throw it a sandwich and hope it fucked off.

The music in my head today is not a song, in that it has no words. It's the Military Symphony. In high school, I had a CD of that, which my father and I spent YEARS stealing back and forth. I didn't take it with me when I moved out, so I suppose it's his CD now.

One time in uni, I wrote an objectively mediocre paper. An easy C-minus. The mark I got was an A-plus, and the comment "with a little more research, this could be a publishable paper." My reaction at the time was "lolwut?" It didn't occur to me to think, WTF was everyone else handing in?

Using "suitcase" as a mild expletive has spread to at least one of my friends. "That fucking hurt! Suitcase!"

I saw a trailer for a TV show about women fighting massive guinea pigs in an arena, like bulls, but I can't remember what it was called. Did anyone else see this trailer, or did I dream it?

When I was REALLY young, like a toddler, I got a fairy tale book that included "Godfather Death." We weren't Christian, so I didn't know what a godfather was, and I thought Death was the kid's de facto father. And I thought the moral was, "be obedient, or your parents will stop loving you."

My biggest gaming pet hate is frustrating minigames that a) are never repeated, and b) require a different skillset than ANYTHING else in the game. Like, you have to get REALLY good at a switch-flipping rhythm game to proceed with the story, then you never have to flip switches again.

An attitude I find odd is "you voted for this; quit your complaining." When you vote, you take some responsibility for the consequences of your vote. When the party you voted for performs poorly*, it's ESPECIALLY on you to speak up and take action. * or flies off the absolute rails

"Quando mi sei vicina, amabile Rosina..." (A striking improvement on the "Pinky and the Brain" theme. If I must have a song in my head, I could do worse.)

Skibidi so long. Have fun in Ohio. #usingitwrong

Overheard in Vancouver: "My phone died. Shit. Now we won't know what time it is." "I have my watch." "What's a watch?" [long pause] "OH!" Is that where we are now, forgetting what watches are? I miss the days when I could ignore people's phone calls and pretend I wasn't home.

I think they put those marbles in Ramune bottles to punish covetous marble fans who try to extract them. (Three broken nails and no fucking marble. What I need is a hammer and a canvas bag.)

The song in my head today is...dear God, why... TO PROVE THEIR MOUSY WORTH THEY'LL OVERTHROW THE EARTH! THEY'RE DINKY! THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN. NARF!

The song in my head tonight is "One More Kiss, Dear." It's majorly harshing my mellow.

Shit e-mail from Microsloth: "Effective 14 February 2025, the price for Microsoft 365 Personal subscriptions will increase from CAD 79.00* per year to CAD 115.00* per year."

Man, I love maple syrup. (Possibly my most Canadian post ever. But, seriously. SO good.)

Right. I've scrubbed everything down with alcohol swabs, then with standard wet-wipes, then soap and water, and I'm HORRIFIED to report... IT'S STILL STICKY! My keyboard's much cleaner, but yes. Yes. Still sticky. My mouse. My controller. All bloody sticky.

Don't do this right now, or ever. It's been done and verified x 10,000. No need to waste further electricity on this.

Those "watch AI fail at x simple task" posts are funny till you realise a good percentage of the people who see them will immediately go and try it for themselves. Then they'll share their own results, and a good percentage of THEIR friends will try it as well.

I got rootbeer on my computer weeks ago. WEEKS. How and why is everything still sticky? EVERYTHING'S STICKY, MAN! EV-ERY-THIIIIIIIIING! The webbing between my fingers is fucking sticky. I'm hitting "cut off my own hands" levels of stickiness frustration.

If my art is fair use because it's displayed on the Internet, your car is fair use because it's parked on the street. EPIC JOYRIDE!

Hell is an assembly line style workflow where the person before you is doing the bare minimum. That guy can FULLY go to hell.

Another word for "mole" is "mouldywarp." (This refers to the burrowing animal, not the skin blemish.)

There should be a standard among nerds, when they discuss their nerdy shit, of spelling out its full name when they introduce a new subject. NO: I just finished reading TQITB, and whoaaaaaaa. YES: I just finished reading "The Quokka in the Boot," and whoaaaaaaa. You can type it out ONCE!

Did you also tell your kids not to hit people they love? Because my parents did, and then they hit me. Guess what lesson I took from that? I'm glad your daughter is successful, but her success doesn't make your behaviour less wrong.

BOAR ON THE FLOOR! (My stuffed boar toy fell out of bed.)