Q: What do you call group of chess players bragging on a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Excel Christmas

Should you receive a handmade gift from me this year, just understand that halfway through, it was no longer made with love.

I constantly remind Blerrmeister that she shouldn't be using straws. She thinks that I'm an extreme environmentalist. I think it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti.

If I told you that the meeting on Wednesday was pushed forward two days; what day would the meeting be?

Blerrmeister caught on my doorbell camera...

It's crazy to think about, but somewhere out there is an infertile guy who thinks he has a crazy pullout game.

I've put in an order for morning kisses and coffee

There, now I'm finally getting warm...

NASA’s Fermi Spots Young Star Cluster Blowing Gamma-Ray Bubbles This image of super star cluster Westerlund 1 was captured with the Near-InfraRed Camera on NASA’s James Webb’s Space Telescope.

The other day at the diner, I was joking around with the waitress. She went over to a table to refill coffee, a woman asked, "Is that girl flirting with you?". The waitress looks at me and grins, "Yeah, I think she is." "Go for it", the woman says,"She's cute." I told Kayleigh and she laughed.

You need to stop biting your nails...

Stop acting as though my posts aren't important to you!

I'm very excited and honored to be descending into new and deeper levels of madness with you.

If I were to lose you, it would be I who would be lost...

My craving to leave clues that will help you to understand, continues...

And I too, am dim to my followers, and unknown; a phantom, sometimes seen, often not. Hello?...

The vague desire to discover things unknown

I don't want to end the year on bad terms with anyone. Apologize to me!

Blerrmeister's letter to Santa...

The road is long... Take my hand; we'll share the journey together. No, I will not carry you on my back.

Oh shit! They've found me...

Everyone needs three friends. One to laugh with, One to cry with, One to grow with. If you're lucky enough to find all three in one person, you've found your best friend. If you're me, you marry that person.

Your being chronically online can be a problem. Your being chronically online, and following me can only exasperate your problem. It may just be me, but I really don't see a problem; in fact I don't think that we see enough of each other.

My wife's nipples are my favorite winter weather report.

Garlic stuffed olives dipped in honey.

Are you going to be getting up soon? After all, breakfast isn't going to make itself.

People laugh because I'm different. I laugh because I'm on nitrous oxide.

In the end it's all about the people that you send music to, or make music with.

The Deadwood visitors guide arrived, and my wife was perusing it. She looks at me, says, "Not for us" and tossed it. I asked her why, and it's too far, she doesn't want to fly or spend hours driving, etc.. Now I have to cancel the reservation and do some emergency Christmas shopping.

We snuck into the library for a quickie, but got distracted by the extensive graphic novels section. - A true story

Blerrmeister keeps coming to my house and using my deodorant to write, "I'm going to kill you" on the bathroom mirror. I hope that she hasn't started talking to herself again.