It’s good to be far away from the internet

(To the tune of comfortably numb) I……… I’ve become, unfuckably dumb

New film franchise idea: • Honey I shrunk my penis • Honey I shrunk my penis 2 • Honey I shrunk everything but my penis

Drive Through Rich Neighborhood Exposes Dad’s Shortcomings As Provider https://theonion.com/drive-through-rich-neighborhood-exposes-dads-shortcomings-as-provider/

Nice afternoon

I love seeing Rachael Ray in the news

this bitch talking about defending the rule of law. doesn't exist idiot. "I will defend the tooth fairy" ass

Man cave

Two Rats - 1884 https://botfrens.com/collections/46/contents/13503

POV I’m stuck in ur phone

Doodling at the bar type shit

Anyone could be an idiot

I’m like if an incel had unbelievable swag and sucked madddd dick

Ellen DeGemerous has prolly eaten more pussy than me, which honestly makes me pretty upset

The Starry Night - 1888 https://botfrens.com/collections/46/contents/14476

Crimson and clover??? But I don’t hardly know er

Indigo Girls or Hootie & The Blowfish or DC Talk

Current* conditions near Muskegon, MI:

When someone in my vicinity isn’t a perfect genius, I cringe, I become angry, I shit myself and hit myself on the head a bunch.

Tabernacle in the heath - 1886 https://botfrens.com/collections/46/contents/13987

Is there a mr. Fine shyt?

Current* conditions near Menominee, MI:

i think its about time that i found Jesus

Tim meadows should be in every show

Report: Mothers Not Paying Attention To 80% Of Cool Things Nation’s Boys Do https://theonion.com/report-mothers-not-paying-attention-to-80-of-cool-thi-1825533356/

All my friends ever want to talk about is how bad their shits smell and how painful their shits are

Girls should have higher self esteem imo

I couldn’t agree more, so I agreed less

Quirked up

If I got a panini press I bet that’d solve a lot of my problems

Ice cream needs to have chunks in it otherwise it’s no good

Accidentally made an illegally huge negroni cuz I thought I only had a little bit of gin left but it just kept pouring out of the bottle like some kinda biblical shit

You know you’re in your mid 30s when eating even just two or three pussies for breakfast will have you snoozing through lunch and dinner!

So good

Life sucks… suck it back

I’m so horny I could practically fuck!

honeycrisp apple mani 💅 🍎

My crush: god it’s good to see u. How long has it been? Me: it’s never been very long to be honest with u, idk if I would really describe it as “long” per se

Not gonna lie

ME (just learned the word impugn with about 65% comprehension): are you impugning me right now dawg? does shit shit impugn me???

Search For Public Restroom An Epic Ordeal Of Alienation, Humiliation, Human Cruelty https://theonion.com/search-for-public-restroom-an-epic-ordeal-of-alienation-1819566549/

Coming down with a really bad case of male loneliness disease

Just became immune to propaganda

Disturbed by the cost of a single cheesy Gordita crunch

working on my neighbour's car while he's asleep as a random act of kindness. can't be that hard to figure out what all these parts do

My pigeon toe is the least masculine thing about me

Daubigny's Garden with Black Cat - 1890 #artbots #vangogh https://botfrens.com/collections/46/contents/14760

She let me hit cuz i got my doctorate in fuckology

corn milk matcha corn butter, corn juice, oat milk, honey, matcha

I don’t know how many more turn the other cheeks I got left in me