Couldn’t Beat UVa. Couldn’t Beat Miami. Couldn’t Beat Pitt. Couldn’t Beat STANFORD. Yet, this week, I am optimistic that we will be able to Beat Off.

This is like Herpes facing off against Chronic Diarrhea.

I can’t wait to read this book I ordered about Premature Ejaculation. I hear it’s coming quickly.

Hot take: I don’t think the NFL should expand (barely enough QB talent out there for a 32-team league, much less 36) but it wouldn’t surprise me to see them add 4 teams just so they have more inventory and can rewrite the CBA to play more international games.

I don’t like either team’s uniforms. Bucs need to go back to the shiny pewter pants, and Detroit’s alt helmet would look much better with the white jerseys.

A hypothetical I never would have considered was “Imagine if the American with the very worst record of managing construction projects were singularly responsible for the building most symbolic of democracy and decided to do his thing with both it and what it symbolizes”

Stunned that the awake game won’t be a nooner. I’m not mad about it since I have a Lot 5 pass and Renegade Hall tickets for that one, but surprising nonetheless.

Not sure what your endgame is here, Bob, but as your attorney I advise you to keep talking and tell us more, just for fun.

Oh no no no no

That Commanders safety is the first good sports thing I’ve seen since Friday.

Not only is Mike Norvell not the first coach from the state of Florida fired today, HE ISN’T EVEN THE FIRST NORVELL FIRED.

Napier just got fired. I would also not be surprised to see Mike McDaniel fired today.

Alford to Jimbo: “Hey big head, you up?”

I don’t think we win another game.

It should never have come down to that.

Well, that’s three hours and forty-seven minutes I will never get back.

I think he’s in

Prolonging this is like the worst kind of edging ever.

Okay, that was egregious DPI.

Six.

Well, I mean *I* hate it.

This game is a hate crime.

I have to ask, how bad is Brock Glenn?

LOL “as soon as we’re done here at Stanford.” Trust me, we’re fucking done.

THAT WAS FUCKING DIRTY

Banged-up Castellanos as about as mobile as I am.

The Alabama win was 8 weeks and three lifetimes ago today.

At this point I will almost be mad if we come back and win this game.

Five.

We are about to go into debt to fire a coach during what will be the most active coaching-search-season of our lifetimes.

I’d like it to be noted that we were one of the four votes against adding these dudes to the league.

3-9 incoming.

That’s not DPI? Completely turned around, not looking at the ball at all?

Unless they’ve got a Skycam view they can’t overturn that.

I did not plan my day around an ass-o’clock pm kickoff to watch these nerds drag it across our faces.

That’s 4 pre-snap penalties. 4.

Delay of game with 15:00 to go after a kickoff for a touchback on the FIRST SNAP OF THE GAME. Willie?? Is that you???

Clemson might go the entire season without even playing a ranked team, much less beating one.

Come on, B1G, do something original.

GODDAMMIT MISSISSIPPI STATE LOOK WHAT YOU JUST DID

When Good Things Happen To Bad People.

Even without Carson Beck shitting down both legs, Miami deserves to lose for the way their radio announcers egregiously mispronounce “Louisville” at every opportunity #LOOweeeeVILLE

okay okay OKAY here are all 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover 1. Slip out the back, Jack 2. Make a new plan, Stan 3. Hop on the bus, Gus 4. Drop off the key, Lee 5. Shit in the bed, Fred

Really hope Twitter sorts their shit out so the folks I came here to get away from stay back over there.

CHYCHRUN OT GAMEWINNER LFG #ALLCAPS

Am I the only one who misses the organ? #ALLCAPS