Bob Ingersoll
@lawgiverbob.bsky.social
📤 712
📥 256
📝 845
Public Defender (retired) and freelance comic book writer and columnist (“The Law Is an Ass”).
It was a bad day for the butler when his false teeth fell out into the soup tureen. He was an undentured servant.
about 4 hours ago
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The new comedian was ecstatic to receive compliments from both Cheech and Chong. High praise, indeed.
1 day ago
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Carman San Diego told her husband Waldo that she wanted a divorce. She said she needed to find herself.
2 days ago
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If you dig down deep enough around the statues on Easter Island, you’ll come upon Keister Island.
3 days ago
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The Allied Van Line drivers joined the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing. Now they’re movers and Shakers.
4 days ago
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The Abominable Snowman is real and I found him. He’s the lazy SOB I hired to plow my driveway last year.
5 days ago
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After Billy reminded the teacher that she forgot to give the class its weekly test, the rest of the students called him a quizzing.
6 days ago
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The nun’s old clothes had faded and she had difficulty restoring their proper color. Her old habits dyed hard.
7 days ago
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Down in Santo Domingo, there’s a dance club that’s also famous for its baked goods. The speciality of the house is the Lemme Merengue pie.
8 days ago
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A judge once told me I to stop badgering the witness, so I used weasels instead.
9 days ago
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As we recently learned on April 15, in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except debt and taxes.
10 days ago
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Dumb Dora was so dumb that when she heard the sermon was to be about parables, she asked the minister what wine goes with communion wafers.
11 days ago
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The Ghostbusters didn’t have anyone with psychic ability, all they needed was a pair ‘a normal investigators.
12 days ago
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Sauron forbad online shopping in his realm. He wanted only brick and Mordor stores.
13 days ago
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That mashed chickpea dip was well past its sell-by date, but I ate it post-hummusly.
14 days ago
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No wonder the people of Metropolis don’t recognize Superman when he puts on glasses, their eyesight is so bad, they can’t tell a bird from a plane.
15 days ago
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Emily Litella got into her fanciest clothes, when she heard she was going to court for jewelry duty.
16 days ago
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The philosopher used a cut out pattern to make images of the 24th letter. It was an X’s stencil experience.
17 days ago
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Poor Marmaduke thought he was going for a routine check up. Then he learned the Winslows and the vet had made secret plans and the fix was in.
18 days ago
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When Geico realized a having mascot that can grow new limbs might be sending the wrong message, it fired the gecko. Now the lizard works in retail.
19 days ago
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After the results of Sydney’s first computed tomography scan were inconclusive, he had to have another. It was a tail of two CTs.
20 days ago
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Unbeknownst to Bill, when his wine steward was serving the wine, he also picked Bill’s pocket. He was a sommelier pirate.
21 days ago
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Although Betty was short so had to leap up to get the dishwashing liquid from the top shelf, she was happy to do it. In fact, she was jumping for Joy.
22 days ago
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God is starting a blog about how he created the Earth. After all, he is a continent creator.
23 days ago
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The clockmaker’s house was full of arachnids. So he listened to a podcast about how to rid your house of this infestation called “Tick Talk.”
24 days ago
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The spinning toy continually fell over because it had too much weight in its upper half. It was in tip top shape.
25 days ago
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James made the mistake of running a stop sign in front of a policeman and promptly got a citation for his faux pause.
26 days ago
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The Minsky brothers opened a new burlesque theater in south east Pennsylvania, the Gettysburg Undress.
27 days ago
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When I ordered at the diner, I didn't speak very clearly and I can say that without fear of counter diction.
28 days ago
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Everytime B’Etor, son of Mo’Kai came into the home theater room the TV lost its signal. He was a static Klingon
29 days ago
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My waistline was collateral damage in the cake wars.
about 1 month ago
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The class clown was talkative and always disruptive in school. He graduated summa cum loudly.
about 1 month ago
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Young Leo was so obsessed with video games it was like a sickness. So the doctor gave him a Tetris shot.
about 1 month ago
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The lettuce farmer had a monstrous cell bill. It was full of romaine charges.
about 1 month ago
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Do electricians keep up with current events?
about 1 month ago
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The hired assassin wanted to earn enough money get out of the business and go into acting. He needed a good headshot.
about 1 month ago
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The census taker in Whoville had finished with all the houses on Second Avenue, now he had to identify Whos on First.
about 1 month ago
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The fortune teller had a young helper. The helper was a sidekick medium.
about 1 month ago
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Condolences to Mrs. MacDonald. I heard her aged husband bought the farm.
about 1 month ago
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Harry’s teenage daughter spent so much time with her phone pressed to the side of her head, she developed calling-flower ear.
about 1 month ago
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The famous tall tale about the milquetoast who would fight back against bullies; the legend of sissy fist.
about 1 month ago
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The pony couldn’t speak for himself. He was a little horse.
about 1 month ago
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No matter how many times he worked out on the treadmill, John never lost weight. He felt like he was going nowhere fast.
about 1 month ago
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Dumb Dora was so dumb, she made sure she brought a lot of red paint when she went to the blood draw.
about 1 month ago
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Ingmar got sick of living in one of those communities with cookie cutter houses. He had stock home syndrome.
about 2 months ago
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After he was arrested, tried, and convicted of several counts of armed robbery, John learned he would face the con sequences.
about 2 months ago
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Mark’s severance package stank, just a lousy subscription to Apple TV+.
about 2 months ago
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Harold erred when he made an enemy out of his own father. You might say it was a foe pa.
about 2 months ago
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The carjacker was arrested after a high speed chase. But he didn’t ask for his lawyer, he asked for his minister. He revved up.
about 2 months ago
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The Gingerbread Man finally found affordable housing. He moved to the day old bin.
about 2 months ago
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