I will say it again -- if you've never interacted with me but you're going to block me out of nowhere, at least call me a motherfucker first and give me a day or so to read it. Blocks where I have no idea why they happened don't give me the joy of earning them

Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you've seen King Missile Kenny Rogers (opening act: Gallagher) Beru Revue Debbie Gibson Mojo Nixon sharing a bill with the Dead Milkmen

How I'm rolling up to Thanksgiving

When preparing the Thanksgiving meal with your family members, remember that spatchcocking remains an excellent technique and it can also be used on the bird

Eagles sports talk radio tonight is going to run out of curse delay and have to go to a Van Halen song or something

FRIEND: What is it that you're afraid of? ME: That someone will invent a turducken variation where one of the layers is Skyline chili FRIEND: Why do I even call you

What's the bettng line on Shedeur Sanders losing a limb today

I'm as startled as anyone else to hear that MTG is leaving Congress to take over the Tonight Show hosting gig in 2026, but hey, let's see where this goes. She might be a natural

Chuck Schumer will insist on a compromise position in which the Congresspeople singled out by Trump will not face trial, but will instead be injected with a dose of syphilis

I do feel good about Tesla shareholders thinking hard about that $1 trillion pay package they approved, and then noting that the recipient is currently busy teaching his pet computer to always refer to his penis as 'mighty Albanian oak, rivaled by none and admired by all'

Someone is going to ask Grok to describe Elon's mighty penis in exquisite detail, and the entire eastern United States will go dark as Grok eagerly drains every available erg of power from all grids in its enthusiasm to do so

The most enjoyable part of a lower back strain is how every sleeping position I try has its own unique methods of being profoundly uncomfortable.

The best part of the current Trump meme/rumor is that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE doubts that Bill would be like "okay, yeah, I'm down for that"

If your job involves rigging in-game ads so that 90% of attempts to click the X send you to stores instead, the personal hell that awaits you involves angry, hungry weasels and your being eternally coated in melted butter

It's going to come out something like "Bubba was the name of the preserved pig's crotch that Ghislaine kept around for special occasions" and there will still be MAGAts who are like "Ah, well, now THAT'S all settled"

Until the identity of the true Bubba referenced is revealed, I hereby declare that the nation is living under a state of 𝗕𝗨𝗕𝗕𝗔𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗘

I am not really looking forward to the wave of Very Serious Individuals informing audiences that since Mary was perhaps 14 when she had Jesus, criticizing Epsteiners for their desired age group is the Intolerant Left's Most Serious And Disqualifying Attack On Christianity Yet

@support.bsky.team, given what just happened in the Bad Place, here's how to greatly increase your user base quickly: 1) Implement Group Chat 2) Make it like The Bad Place had it before they ran it through a blender today

Here's the thing about the Epstein hubbub. Yes, Trump may get either Boebert or Mace to flip and keep them hidden by the narrowest of margins. But isn't it something that the R House is so brainwashed and cowed that only FOUR of 219 are even considering letting these files see the light of day?

I feel like we're mere hours away from a Trump rant where he demands to be named the new James Bond. I would agree to that as long as he does all his own stunts

Was there ever a porn scene set to Gordon Lightfoot's Edmund Fitzgerald? If not, I consider that a missed opportunity

The coordinated nature of this—none are facing voters in 2026—means that either Schumer approved it or failed in his job as Senate Majority Leader to stop it. Dems voting "no" get zero credit until they demand a change in leadership. Schumer out as Leader, Durbin out as Whip.

I can only assume that Joe Lieberman's remains are in an urn at an undisclosed private location, as I have not seen any advertisements for bus trips to the Increasingly Large Connecticut Shit Mountain and Piss Moat that his grave would rapidly become. We'll need eight more bus trips eventually.

Bluntly, I have major problems with Nancy Pelosi's priorities, attitudes and political stances. But I do give her credit for being able to count votes accurately, whip votes when needed, and rein in assholes on many occasions. Schumer needs to resign as the Dem's Senate leader yesterday.

Some Dem Senate defector is going to harumph about "Yes, but for the GOOD OF THE COUNTRY," and an owl will fly into the room and defecate upon them violently. This is an automated service that is currently in the testing phase, but early indications are quite positive on delivery

Kind of feeling like a hoagie tonight

At least Cuomo can sleep well tonight, warm and cozy under piles of sexual harassment allegations

I fully expect Mamdani to be gracious and humble during his victory speech later tonight, despite the clear temptation and well-earned right to hold up pictures of Trump, Schumer, Jeffries and Cuomo while howling GET FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I just want the results to come out something like: Zohran Mamdani: 49% Curtis Sliva: 28% Andrew Cuomo: By law, you are hereby being deported and Mamdani gets your car

So far, I have voted nine times for Mamdani, twice for the rotting corpse of Crazy Eddie (his prices were INSANE) and once for Pizza Rat.

The thing to remember about Dick Cheney is that while his accomplishments in life were numerous, when he arrived at his new home he was transformed into a hideous, 5 ft (1.5 m) tall blob of molten, stinking flesh that oozes across the ground as he moves, a formless, shivering, 100 lb mass [01/17]

I have decided that the least realistic thing about US Shameless is not Frank's liver transplant, but rather 90% of the women on the show falling in love with, into bed with or pining over Lip instead of listening to him for five minutes and thinking "he's an emotionally unavailable potato, I'm out"

At least now Toronto understands what it feels like to be on the WRONG end of a Phillies reliever who can't throw strikes without grooving them coughing up a WS in Canada

Over on Twitter, I bet they are also all watching the game but every time something happens someone blames it on Jewish people.

Oh of course they can't have a Joe Carter moment WHEN I ACTUALLY WANT ONE

I am thoroughly unimpressed that Verizon will let me watch Game 6 on the Fox TV app using my verified Verizon credentials, but not on the Verizon TV app using the same verified Verizon credentials.

You know, if my husband was embracing a pretty blonde Christian woman in public right after telling the world that he's raising your kids the RIGHT way, with the RIGHT religion, NOT yours, and that he hopes someday you'll see the light on that... I'd probably buy a machete.

He's going to want to test nukes on small boats in the Pacific, isn't he

The duel for the soul of America is between people who are bellowing "WHY are we giving 40 million people in America SNAP benefits?" and people who (correctly) cannot fucking believe that anyone truly thinks that the question needs an answer

Ten minutes ago the United States was "under-babied" and banning abortion and increasing birth rates was vital to our survival and prosperity. Now CHUDs are screaming at SNAP recipients to "stop reproducing." It's almost as if they're trying to secure a future for _specific_ types of children.

What is it like inside your head?

The more I think about how dramatically health insurance premiums are about to skyrocket, the more alarmed I'm sure that the Devil must feel over the speed in which Joe Lieberman's suite in Hell is filling up with Joe's jism

Oh my god some fucking tech dingdong posted this on Twitter with the caption "AI games are going to be amazing" totally seriously, you have to watch it. You have to. In full screen.

If a hurricane took out the East Wing and nobody was hurt, I would not be happy but I would also not cry myself to sleep. Nature does nature. Tearing it down intentionally to own the libs and to replace it with a gaudy playground for rich elites is different and any serious person understands that.

I regret to report that the percentage of microplastics has remained steady in my... Wait, is this thing on?

I am watching Trump declare that in the name of stopping drugs, he can have whomever killed that he likes, regardless of whether they're trafficking drugs or not. He just has to claim that they're drug dealers. I am reminded that he insists that the Canadian border is a massive fentanyl highway.

All of this is just one more non-negotiable. If and when I get to vote again in any kind of nationally-relevant primary, if you're not willing to promise that the Real Genius laser will be ready to annihilate the White House Gallroom on DAY ONE OF OFFICE, go home and send someone else.

Is Amazon's customer service chat down because all the workers are running on little treadmills to try to keep AWS running

Why do I feel like he'll hold a press conference, point to the demolished East Wing and declare that the Canadians burned it down again