Olympic patriotism got me hoping this teenager falls over

You gotta get out of your Bluesky bubble and get back to X, where they're re-litigating Nanette

Whose dick do I have to suck to make trader joe's stay open later

Well as long as he learned his lesson

Given that a big part of the AI booster's pitch is that anyone can use it, isn't it impossible to miss out? Supposing I'm wrong about it having a ceiling and the tech ends up vindicated, can't I just pick it up then? There's little benefit to being an early adapter.

Working on a thing

Finally a jacket that sums up my sexual history

Could these Heights be any more Wuthering

USA vs USA in the All Star Game would've been a perfect promotional opportunity for Alex Garland's Civil War

QUAD FRAUD!

I wanna be one of the guys in the halftime show whose job it is to play dominoes

Nothing centrists like more than scolding folks for now throwing marginalized people under the bus with them

This sounds like a new Armando Ianucci show

Sous vide carbonara is such an absurd concept but it works

A party pathologically unable to stand up for anything

The notion that these people weren’t white supremacist gun nuts before this lol

In response to ICE shootings, Democratic politicians will ask how this policy helps affordability.

Nothing centrist democrats crave more than Republican approval

Do we gotta be impressed when the trillion dollar military does something right? This is like a Dodgers fan bragging about them beating a little league team.

We're going to need to throw a lot of people in jail and take their shit.

Fucking absurd framing from the New York Times

Banner day for libs who blame George Clooney for everything

I thought Cambridge was supposed to be a good school

We need to set up a system of promotion and relegation for the pundit class. Anyone who thought Adams was the future should be writing for the Fort Lauderdale Times

you are not telling me the guy who stole the 2000 election respected democracy

They're... writing him off?

Eric Adams was Boss Tweed as interpreted by Homsar Runner

Phillip Rivers should be smoking cigarettes

More like Bari Whoops

Inside you are two Sam Darnolds

Can we just have one election cycle where Democrats don't suck off Reagan

The Bucked Up Erika Kirk Town Hall Hosted by Gronk

If only Yahoo hadn't been so gullible 25 years ago

I don't think Conan could've saved the Tonight Show from dying, but it would've been a lot less depressing than watching Fallon stumble through the motions.

My go-to line when my brother passed was to say that I recently became the tallest member of my family.

Call the Seahawks defense Covid, because they're about to kill a grandpa

Can’t wait to go to the Strong Floor No Ceiling Rally with ten thousand of my friends

George Clooney thankful for Olivia Nuzzi getting the Biden truthers off his back

Yes please make Alan Dershowitz the face of CBS News

Less sauce than the last year of Bush’s second term already. Remember how the media assumed these dopes had permanently realigned our politics?

Rogue One is a pilot episode

I love the Opps Dojo as a concept because it's a good source of supplementary income

The Jeff Dye pile-on is probably the best case for Threads as a social network

Did a bunch of Clay Higgins’s friends prank him by telling him they were going to vote no too?

How do you bomb on a show with your own name in the title

Stopping myself from telling the flight attendant who he sounds like

It's plausible he's more panicked by the beach dome than the pedophilia

They're leaving because the vibes at Union Pool just aren't the same anymore