Started cooking dinner and cracked open a beer. The wife called and said she needed to help her sister and pushed dinner back by two hours. So this cooking beer just became an afternoon beer. Cheers!

Admittedly, I've never been to Quantico because I don't eat crayons. But where do you house 900+ flag officers plus their staff? Is a two star going to have to struggle putting on the second cross bar of his military issued cot?

It's kind of wild that right now, hundreds of Generals and Admirals are making the decision of whether they're going to be loyal to the Constitution or a drunken Secretary and his pedophile boss.

Me: I'm running late. Need to get to work. My toddler: Daddy, can I have extra snuggles? Me: Screw the bosses, I can be late.

On this #FirstDayofFall I must remind everyone of this controversial but true fact: Apple Cider is the far superior autumn flavor profile when compared to Pumpkin Spice. Fun Recipe Idea - Warm up your Apple Cider with a shot of Fireball Whiskey for a delicious adult drink.

Went to a concert before work. I wasn't interested in the headliner as much as I was one of the openers. Nothing says "Punk as fuck" like leaving a show early to go to work as a cop. I still got it, though. 🤘

Ran into an old colleague of mine in the break room. We said hi. We sat next to each other and stared at our phones with football in the back room. No words were exchanged. We said bye. Great guy. I love hanging out with him.

Four years ago today, one of our smallest citizens, a 5 year old girl, was killed in a preventable traffic crash while riding her bike. We have thought about her every day. This morning, Penny and I stopped by to lay flowers and a stuffie We miss you, Allison Hart. #All4Allie

If Bill Clinton is in Epstein Files and the Trump Administration still isn't releasing them, those files must be REALLY bad.

Throw a sandwich at a cop: Felony Assault on a Police Officer charges, Fired Beat a cop in the head with an American flag: Presidential pardon, apology from the president, monetary restitution, appointed job at the DOJ

BREAKING: Trump will be deploying the National Guard to DC to protect the Epstein Files

I've been a semi-professional poker player for 22 years now. Last night, I hit my first Royal Flush. It netted me about $1100. I've been riding a high since then!

Last night was the kind of night that made me wish liquor stores opened earlier than 9 am. I won't use alcohol to decompress, but damn if the thought hasn't crossed my mind 100 times since midnight.

Wait, wait, wait... Deputy AG Todd Blanche is invited, but Deputy Director Dan Bongino isn't? Either he isn't important enough to be invited, or he isn't important enough to be named by the press. Both are hilarious.

Fun Fact: The U.S. state closest to Africa, is Maine.

While leaving work this morning, I saw a dove. It was magical! It was probably just an albino pigeon, but I'm gonna pretend it was a dove.

I know I'm a few weeks late, but I finally watched a video of Ozzy Osborne singing "Mama, I'm Coming Home" at his farewell concert. If you're looking for me, I'll be lying down crying for the next few hours.

Fuuuuuuudge. Got all the way to work and realized I left my my work computer at home. I would have rather left my gun. Probably would have taken the chance on not having that and stayed at work. But I'm more likely to use my computer than my gun, so I'm headed back home to grab it.

Fun Fact: Mike Johnson isn't bringing this to a vote because of the Hastert Rule. The Hastert Rule is named after Dennis Hastert, Republican Speaker of the House from 1999-2007. In 2016, he was convicted of molesting a child in the 1970s. Pedophiles protecting Pedophiles.

Meanwhile, Don Jr. is lobbying them to put the cocaine back in Coca-Cola.

I've done a lot of dumb things in my life. But none of them are "Getting caught having an affair on the Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert" dumb. So at least I have that going for me.

Early morning search warrant today. Great minds must think alike because on the way back, a bunch of us decided that the office needed donuts but didn't coordinate with anyone else. We ended up with 6 dozen donuts for about 10 people. I'm gonna eat about 15 donuts tonight.

If someone told me there was a list exposing child predators and demanded everyone be allowed to see the list and then they were put in a position to see the list and immediately afterwards reversed course and didn't want anyone to see the list, I would suspect that they were on that list.

If you don't understand why the stagnation of wages is a problem, Arbys used to sell sandwiches 5 for $5. It's now more than $15 for 5. Did wages tripple? Did they get 3xs bigger? No, in fact they are smaller. The money is going somewhere, and its not to workers, or the consumers. Eat the rich

BREAKING: Epstein List released by DOJ. Confirmed on the list: - Dirk Diggler - Biff Tannen - Jack Torrance - Donald Trump - Matt Gaetz - Jason Voorhees - Ken Paxton - Joffrey Baratheon - John Rocker - Annie Wilkes - Ray Brower - Tommy Gavin - Frank Drebin - Tommy Tuberville More to come!

Angela Paxton has filed for divorce from Ken Paxton, citing adultery. I'm going to need all of the tea on this one.

Attention! My four year old has informed me that he's really glad he doesn't have to go cliff diving because it's too dangerous. Good point, champ.

Nothing will happen because TACO

This guy was supposed to release the Epstein files.

I’m just spitballing here…but I’m starting to think the same people who used to quickly say “All Lives Matter” really don’t give a shit about other people’s lives.

All those people missing in Texas and the federal government is using resources to show how "powerful" they are. This is giving Uvalde vibes.

Does anyone know where Ted Cruz is right now?

Remember that time Elon Musk, a man who had unprecedented access to the highest levels of the federal government, told everyone that Donald Trump was on the Epstein list and that's why it hadn't been released? And then the list mysteriously disappeared without being released? I remember.

Pam Bondi is lying about the Epstein List. Pass it on.

Restarted watching a few on the old(er) first responder shows I watched when I was young(er). Long before I became a police officer. First up: Third Watch. It's wild. Things about public service change all the time, but a lot of things stay the same.

Hey bud. Just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate all the fireworks videos you posted on Instagram last night.

With this budget, ICE now has a larger budget than the United States Marine Corps.

Big Baseball created the 9-9-9 challenge to sell more concession food. Pass it on.

Lmao. Just saw my first "Gulf of America" shirt. We're at a women's semi-pro soccer game. It's bad enough he votes to take the players' rights away, but now he's advertising that he's malicious AND dumb.

Some of you might be wondering, "Sarge, are you wearing the same shirt you did yesterday?" And my answer would be "Yes." Why? Because I look good in it. Also, because I wore the same shirt three times last week and no one said anything. Dry cleaning is expensive.

For the second year in a row, the Orioles are hosting Pride Night for a game against the Texas Rangers The Rangers are the only team in MLB to not have their own Pride Night

I always hate when I'm pulling into the police station at the start of the shift and others pull out with lights and sirens. Like... what am I walking into?

So last Wednesday, while on a family trip, I decided we needed more kindling for the fire. So, using a hatchet, I tried. But it got stuck. So then I used a hammer to strike the back of the hatchet, causing a piece of the hatchet to break off and puncture my leg. Good news: It missed the artery.

On this Juneteenth, just remember that the Civil War absolutely was about ending slavery. And anyone who says, "It was about state's rights!" Needs to be specifically asked, what rights the states wanted, that made them try to leave the union. Hint: It was the right to own people as property.

Seen outside a Food Lion. He's got a III% sticker and a Rebel Alliance sticker. Like, bro, did you pay attention at all to the movies?!?!?! The kicker? His license plate read "JEDI NHT"

I never thought Vince Boelter was going to be captured alive. He was brave enough to shoot unarmed people, but apparently too chicken shit to turn the gun on himself.

There is a non-zero chance that this man has child porn on his computer.

Birthday boy sad. Little Marco yawning. I had more fun on my 19th birthday at Army boot camp.

Quiet, empty street Someone asks the secret service guy standing in front of us whether it's over. "Honestly I have no idea," he replies