Born to sleep, forced to "4 hours until your alarm".

Why the fuck is the Dyson Sphere so expensive? We could build like 5 Philips Spheres for that.

Pro tip for switch 2 users: remove the satan's foreskin it comes with.

Did you know? The term "sandbox" game actually comes from the fact that a popular 90s sandbox city builder game "Pharoah" came in a sand colored box case?

Gaming has become too woke. Today, I heard some gamers say they got "softlocked" in a video game. Back in my days, we just said, "Gay baby jail," but I guess that's no longer PC to say, huh?

I have two toes. One is stubbed. The other one is unsucked.

I'm high on pot enuse.

Classic

"I'd rather if she was going to fuckle some ningle, I'd rather have her mingle an 8 fongle tall ningle worth a hingle millongle dingles! Like a bingle plingle! I guess we're all a little ringle. Fingle ningle." - Hunk Hongle

Back in my day, dudes who wanted to fuck cartoon horses were only bullied and shunned. And now they send the entire yakuza after your ass.

Fuuuuck dude, shapes used to be the SHIT back in the kindergarten. Pair them up with some colors too and I'm going fucking bonkers all day. Miss, you mean to tell me... this motherfucking TRIANGLE has three points, right here and now? And it's just sitting there? And it's also goddamn GREEN? Bussin'

Aliens going to finally get enough courage to come down and say hi to us, only to be met with a squadron of 50 unpiloted soulless flying machines engineered by sleep deprived psychopaths unleashing a barrage of 3 fucktillion rockets each capable of leveling a small country.

Oh you're studying political science? Name every lie.

I think it would be cool to cosplay as the third person to walk on the moon, no one would be able to guess it.

I'm so emotionally vulnerable right now if anyone wants to groom me, it'd be easier than taking robux from a child with a fake phising website.

How Trump feels like after using Vshojo to take attention away from the Epstein files.

It's better to have two hamsters in air fryer than 1 in a pan.

Oh important MTG tech If you put Sonic in your Zinnia deck, you can make Sonic pregnant

Scientist is the most Reddit sounding profession ever. "What do you do for a living?" "Science! 🤓☝️"

The hell you mean French is the language of love? If some dude said to me "Je will le smeaux toi asseuxe"I would throw up.

Me at the house of parliament showing vital proof of the rodent infestation in farms: "Here, hare hair" Everyone else: "hear hear"

What's the superpower that is opposite of empathy? Cuz I watched a cake in the shape of a bunny being eaten and it only made me wince once, so I'm pretty sure I have it.

Dating game is fucked. If you're a guy, from age 13, you have to compete with celebrities and politicians for girls your age.

"I can't see him, that Snake... it's like he's invisible. But it can't be, he's solid!"

"Computing doesn't have "real" rng" Okay, nerd, explain the tiny people in my PC rolling dice then

Call me Mr. Horse Tranquilizer, cuz I make bitches stop in their tracks.

THEY'RE GOING TO DO WHAT TO SEED????

The western equivalent of a kung fu master catching a fly with chopsticks is a medieval knight slicing a fly in half with a butter knife.

I'm a fan of Ado, so I don't kill myself because it would probably make her sad to know her fan killed himself.

Every roguelike is just a commentary about nepotism.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but kisses make me pregnant.

Revolutionary idea: app that sends an image you're looking at to all your friends whenever it detects you laughing. Instant funny meme sharing with all your friends.

Throw me into the nightmare blunt rotation and I'll come back pregnant.

Did people in bronze age have to worry about microbronzes in their blood? Cuz that sounds WAY worse than microplastics.

Gen Z greek mythology be like: And then Sissy-puss had to edge tor an eternity!

Touhou to Japan is what SCP is to the west.

I have no oomfies. I only have locked in alphas.

The far right was correct... I do need my AR for the 20-30 wild boers in my backyard.

If arguments on twitter are turn based combat, then relationships with an e-girl are like those visual novels where they start out like a normal high school romance, but begin shifting into a horror story mid way through.

Kanye making a song called Black Skinhead is just proof that universe can make a good foreshadowing in it's plot.

Good morning everyone!!

I didn't "watch" Boondocks. I sat my white ass down and listened 🙏

"Suicide isn't the solution". Well duh, the fucking samsara keeps me in the reincarnation cycle!

DMC is the reverse Sonic. Sonic had more better games than bad, but is viewed as a low quality franchise. DMC had more shit games than good, but is viewed as high quality franchise.

>scrolling through steam >see "Girls Made Pudding" >look inside >sashimi

I had swastikas on my Tesla before it was cool 😎

Jumper by capsule is the only official song you can do the robot dance to and not look like a tool.

Sci-fi race of aliens who are just humans, but blue with spiky ears is peak design.

I do not care how powerful you become, you cannot defeat me in this point of time, for I am a snug bug in a rug.

Sometimes after shitting in a public restroom I'm gonna run out yelling "Ew, someone shat and didn't flush" to avoid flushing.