Woke up thinking it was Friday Got me again, Thursday You heartless bastard

Look at my brilliant friend @marygthompson.bsky.social ‘s creepy baby dolls! Gaze into their eyes! They will steal your sooouulll! It’s a fabulous book too! tachyonpublications.com/product/prec...

We are already deep into inadvertent static electricity shock your cat season. Prepare your apologies in advance, folks #cats

Did you need to see the world’s most comfortable cat this morning? No prob #cats

It’s the time of year when everyone asks me what size clothing and shoes everyone else in the family wears and like a boss I simply know it all like a 12-digit encryption code

Is he gone yet? Could he be gone today, please?

Did not expect my hometown of Oneida NY to feature so prominently* in “Death by Lightning”! *prominently in the LOL sense

Time for Halloween chocolate!

I have a theory that every piece of Halloween Laffy Taffy you consume stays in your body forever like a gooey bezoar. No, this doesn’t stop me from eating it. 🎃👻💀

On Wednesdays we wear pink (toe beans)

The words “stocking” and “stuffer” appeared in an email I just received Man, come on! I haven’t even bought any candy corn yet!

Boy oh boy when you tell the algorithms that you like cat pix, you’re gonna get some damn cat pix

Incredible to think these footprints across my bedspread are from the Triassic Period! 66 million years ago, some creature walked across this expanse of blanket on its way to getting more comfortable elsewhere. Just incredible that they’ve been preserved from the elements for so long! #cats

I have to carry a bunch of heavy boxes while going down the stairs in a moment. I hope the cats are rested up and ready to get in my way.

My new dream job is writing those short, uplifting biographies & updates about sassy rescue elephants.

This is the time on Friday when I open a bottle of Prosecco, pour a glass, and then crush the foil I took off the cork into a wee ball for my cat to play with

Just think of all the time and energy that man has stolen from our lives

A year ago! It was a simpler time!

I still can’t get over the fact that I have to do laundry AGAIN

I had two heroes as a child: Henry Winkler & Mark Hamill and OH MY GOD, I had good taste as a kid!

I hope “opening a giant bottle of Prosecco and spraying the crowd with it” is a course they teach every young rider because you’re at a huge disadvantage otherwise. #giroditalia2025

I’m not saying I watch cycling just for the winner’s tears but wow, the way these guys turn themselves inside out, leaving their guts and heart on the road is nothing short of magnificent! #giroditalia2025

Sure, sure you think you’re cool but do you have brandy snifters with your initials on them?

Nothing warms my heart on my birthday like automated messages from various corporate entities!

Until I got on IG I did not know something about myself: I will watch any goddamn thing relating to baby donkeys

Italy showing off once again during this #giroditalia Wow 😍

Looks like there’s a new pope for my MIL to meet! I believe she’s met 3 popes so far, which is more than some heads of state ever meet. I guess that’s where the saying comes from: Never underestimate the wily pope-meeting ways of a catholic lady from Brooklyn.

If my feed becomes known as a #bourbon and #cats conflation, I’m OK with that

If you’re drinking Penelope bourbon and have a silver cat on your lap, lets form a club

When I said my wedding vows I did not agree to watching day 2 of the NFL draft

This is the most flattering angle when taking a pic of a cat. All cats want their chonk maximally accentuated.

Road trip to K2-18 b who’s in??? I call shotgun www.reuters.com/science/scie...

I picked up this shell and put it to my ear and I could very distinctively hear IMPEACH AND REMOVE

Pretty sure insider trading counts as a high crime and/or misdemeanor but hey whatever, right?

Are cozy lap snuggles going to make even the tiniest dent in this godawful gloom? Let’s find out #cats

My cat is reenacting today’s financial chaos by knocking all the stuff off my desk and onto the floor for no gd reason at all

tonight we ended up having a family movie night that was part my favorite movie (John Wick) and part the kids’ pick (Wicked) and thus, we dubbed it “John Wicked” night

I’m still not sure what I can possibly do to make a difference for American democracy, but I’ll be damned if I’m letting my ancestor down by doing nothing.

Hey, Low Library, you were looking very svelte and stylish (as ever) during my quickie visit to the alma mater last night!

I’m well past the time in life where anyone would be exhorting me to “make good choices” but I STG, knowing myself as I do, nothing would’ve made me want to make bad choices more than hearing that phrase.

My orange girl cat thinks she’s in charge of The World and I’m not going to tell her otherwise.

A rare astronomical event! The cat planets have aligned! #cats

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Just saw this sticker on the sidewalk Same, bro. Same

Next time I come on here I want to see news that every democratic congressperson has been photographed on the march clutching a pitchfork

Gosh, how I love getting an email containing the euphemism “price update”

Look, advertising Diet Coke to me is like, IDK, promoting oxygen. You’re wasting valuable resources selling me what I’ve already determined to be essential to my existence.

I just called my senator, Tim Kaine, and said thank you for fighting back against this abhorrent administration. Hey, author friends, you know how meaningful a good review is. If your elected officials deserve one, call them and give them 5 stars!

Painful to watch this game but the Commanders should still be proud of this season

There’s regular January bleak and then there’s post-inaugural DC January bleak Hoo boy