I went out yesterday and accidentally left an open bag of pistachio nuts on the table. So Brian ate them, shells and all, and now he's got a biblical dose of the shits. It's like picking soup up with a fucking fork...

youtube.com/shorts/rGFyu... Every single thing he says is me. #ADHD

The Israeli military has killed 249 journalists since October 2023. If you're not doing anything wrong, you probably wouldn't kill that many journalists.

Religion is a hopelessly outdated form of control, societal policing and has no place in modern society. No, your religion is not better than theirs. No, you're not chosen people. No, there is no heaven and hell. No, he didn't walk on water. It's been over 2,000 years of this shit. Just fuck off..

Trying watch Rogue One for the zillionth time. And I still have absolutely no fucking idea what's going on...

I'll display my anus in McDonald's window if this ever happens...

Hegseth calling the Iranian regime 'rats' is fucking rich. At least the Iranian regime doesn't protect disgusting paedophiles who rape and murder children.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... This is fucking disgraceful, poor kid. £150 fine for feeding a pigeon is a piss take. These goons tried accusing me of dropping a cigarette dimp last year, I told him to fuck off and he called back up! 3 of them followed me down Market st trying to 'detain' me.

I'm in a fantastic mood today. You just know some fuck puddle will ruin it...

Years ago my daughter was making fun of me because she had to teach me how to use my phone. She soon shut the fuck up when I pointed out I had to teach her how to use a fucking toilet.

My dog and I have an understanding. We cuddle a lot but sometimes I want me time. So what does he do during this time? Pretends he needs a shit every 5 minutes...

I've never been called "Nazi filth" before. I'm amused by such an accusation! 🤣

I'm getting overwhelmed by fucking stupid people today. Zero tolerance for such people. Meds review tomorrow. Hopefully upping my Elvanse dosage will bring higher tolerance levels.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cl... When I first saw this pic I thought "what's Steve Bruce been up to?"

It amazes me how some Americans are so fucking dumb they cannot/will not see how damaging it is to post fake pics of Trump. Vastly exaggerated levels of entitlement coupled with a shockingly poor level of intelligence is a dangerous combination. Posting fake pics only helps Trump say it's ALL fake.

F1 cars should have the ability to go around a circuit as fast as they can. That's the whole point. Nobody wants to see cars unable to do that because they need to slow down to harvest battery power. It's nonsense. Sort it out.

And if they don't find oil, they find poppies to boost their pharma industry. And then weirdly, everytime they find poppies, America has an opioid crisis. So many coincidences...

@irreverentginger.bsky.social what you're reposting is fake bull shit. It needs to stop. The more fake crap that is posted, the easier it is for MAGA to entirely dismiss any credible evidence linking Trump to child related crimes. This will severely damage any chances of a thorough investigation.

@terre-strial.bsky.social stop with your fake bull shit. You're giving MAGA reasons to dismiss legitimate evidence thus badly harming any chances of there ever being any real investigations.

@joanconnors01.bsky.social hey how's your day going? I noticed you've been posting a few dog appeals. What do you think about the way america deals with strays? I would have DM you but they're locked!

And i wholeheartedly support this rhetoric.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... 'A weirdly rushed appointment'. Not particularly weird when you factor in Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump. Mandleson's appointment was probably suggested/demanded by Trump. As Starmer is a spineless, disingenuous shit weasel, he meekly obeyed.

I bought my ex a mood ring years ago. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood it left a red mark on my fucking head.

According to Reuters, someone hacked the servers containing the Epstein Files in 2023 and downloaded them all. Question is; who? And why haven't they released them? And will they release them when they feel the time is right? Or are they using the files to blackmail Trump into doing things?

This ain't the first member of Trump's inner circle to move on to a military base. If such a move is necessary then you're obviously doing something fucking wrong.

Don't mess with women. They have watched so many Law and Orders, True crime ,murder documentaries and Criminal Minds . They can make your death look like fucking Santa Claus did it.

youtu.be/5pqsQW1ApCI?... Want to get your housework done 3 times quicker? You're welcome.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... This is fantastic news. Vets seem to charge whatever they like because they know we love our pets and will pay it. I was recently charged £68 for a consultation! Then a further £600 for a tumour removal. The industry is in desperate need of regulation.

OH MY GOD THE SUN'S OUT!!! *charges into back garden with towel and vegetable oil*

Can't believe Spurs subbed their goalkeeper after 17 minutes. What the fuck is going on at that club?

🤣😂🤣😂

First class passengers on a BA flight to New York went mental when they realised the toilets had windows. Ffs. If someone's clinging to the wing at 35,000 feet, they have earned the right to stare at your minge love.

If you were a monstrous bellend when you had a pulse, it is therfore perfectly ok to call you a monstrous bellend when you don't have a pulse. Fuck Charlie Kirk.

Do the world a fucking favour...

I was chatting with one of the lads last night. He is VERY funny. We had a "he's about as much use as..." exchange. A few of my favourites included; Anne Frank's drum kit. Freddie Mercury's condoms. Kojak's shampoo. Princess Diana's seat belt. A turd in a pint pot. Gordon Ramsay's tin opener.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... Someone should start a GoFundMe for this lad so he can buy all the tobacco and Pot noodles he needs for the rest of his stretch. Ian Huntley was a piece of shit and this lad did the world a favour.

Whoever thought of putting peanut butter on a perfectly good jam sandwich needs a slap.

What will it take for America to act on the contents of the Epstein Files, like the rest of the world has? Isn't there enough readily available information to warrant an investigation? Cam America recover from this? Or is that the plan? Wreck America from the inside out because that's Putin's wish?

If i were Zelensky, I wouldn't help America. All America will do is go directly to the Kremlin, telling Putin how to deal with Ukrainian drones.

So Mercedes were accused of breaking the engine rules then fucked off into the distance, lapping everyone from P7 backwards. This sport is a joke. #F1

youtu.be/O2qJzaTBdxM?... Brexit has wrecked food quality in Britain. Not bound by EU food standards laws any more, UK supermarkets have all taken advantage of this. It's a fucking disgrace.

Rot in Hell, Ian Huntley. Shame he's dead as that's not enough suffering for that scumbag.

It comes as no surprise whatsoever to see Mercedes light years ahead of everyone else in F1 qualifying. They've probably been working on these power units for years given their R&D budget. That's the only reason Hamilton was so dominant, because they had a huge (and unfair) jump on the tech.

'DO NOT TOUCH'. Must be fucking terrifying to read in braille.

When i was in my kitchen recently, I saw a mouse scramble behind my washing machine. Naturally I shat my pants and ran away. I bought a mouse trap and within 3 hours I'd caught it. Now I don't know what to do with it. Any suggestions?

youtu.be/FQ_tDZWMnHE?... This tune is over 30 years old. Still gives me chills...

How can there possibly be such a cultural and societal disparity between neighbours like America and Canada? It boggles the mind.

It's Friday, yay! And once again I'm crippled with indecision. Pub? Stay home and attempt to watch something for longer than 16 minutes? The agony of choice...

I smell a rat when America claims Iran can attack them. When Iran attacked Israel last year, they manged to blow up a lamp post in neighbouring Iraq...

Parcel couriers are the bain of my life. When they say they'll be here by a certain time, I expect them to be here by that certain time. 7 fucking hours after that time and I'm still waiting. Like I had nothing better to do today than sit around. Arse...