I'm seeing photos from friends at MAL. On one hand, I'd love to be there. On the other, well, my self image is garbage so I won't repeat what my brain just said to me about me in a harness and leather jockstrap. It's not pretty.

On the plus side, my insurance gave the okay for me to get one of the strong treatments for my depression again. I'm sad that this last round only lasted five months, but that's better than the alternative I guess. My mood has been really black of late.

It's now 2026. I've always had a rough time with New Year's as the marking of time reminds me of just how badly I have failed at well, everything. I'm not anywhere close to what I had envisioned for myself, and it honestly feels like I've shot my wad already. Yay.

Don’t get excited. I was icing pfefferneuse and had to let the excess drip off.

Felt sexual tonight. Doesn’t happen much these days.

That I might have regular sex. My libido is weak and I have few interested locally in being with me so I don’t even masturbate much.

Step-Ins by Skechers. Love them. I don’t do much with shoes fashion wise. I do need new clown shoes though.

Some friends and I were joking around about doing a bearlesque version of “Rudolph” because face it, we want Yukon and Bumble to get it on.

Boxer briefs, jocks and if I can find them, briefs that accentuate and highlight my bulge.

Im roughly 6’2”.

Being tall doesn’t go well with airplane toilets.

Just me in New York City seeing Nakia live at Cutting Room. Not how I expected this trip to end.

The wind is doing things to my beard.

This subway stop is almost kinky.

Walked 5 miles. Now I’m bushed.

At Kajiken soba on 6th Ave in Manhattan.

Gave my beard a bit of a blowout this morning.

Starting to get chat requests here that start with, “u have WhatsApp?” No. We are NOT playing that. GTFO.

If you were here you could be having Japanese curry rice with me.

Headed back to New Jersey for work. Really not a good time for me to travel but here we are.

Fried, over easy with buttered sourdough.

I don’t have one. I don’t enjoy watching or playing any sport. Never got those genes.

The state of things.

Neckties. I loathe the damn things. I don’t find then appealing nor useful. Bow ties I like oddly enough. But a necktie? Just no. I own one only because I have to.

This is 11 years old. Loved that singlet.

I’m debating if I’m going to bleach my hair and beard.

FML

I had this black singlet with white piping for years until the Spandex gave out. Can’t get that one anymore. I miss it.

Thus was a long time ago but I was very pleased with it.

Deep question. Truth. Equity. Accountability. The ability to live authentically without fear. Also would like to be able to have mental health challenges discussed more openly. As someone who has tried to unalive myself, we could do much better.

To the lovely bikini clad buxom ladies with new accounts messaging me: I am hella gay. Kinsey 6 gay. Your décolletage will not entice me to reply so just don’t message me.

Hookup apps. I’ve had nothing but catfish, bots and grief. Deleted them all and I’m not going back.

Journaling. Letter writing. Basically writing anything by hand. It’s so mindful.

Currently at work after a week of PTO. Then it’s a full week of chorus related activities. Not got much else going on right now.

Made a pan of caramel corn. This stuff is crack.

Hello from Mr. S in San Francisco.

An IBM Selectric II with the pica serif element.

Crosswords. Been doing them for over 40 years. Picross/Nonograms are a big second then abstract puzzles like nurikabe and KenKen.

Sara Bareilles, Christine Lavin and a bunch of other stuff. But those two are my personal divas.

No food allergies but I live with a vegan and an omnivore who can’t digest milk. So I’ve eaten almost all the cheese and meat analogues on the market.

Getting some food at Taqueria San Miguel before heading home.

Sittin’ poolside at CCBC reading my book.

Welcome to Palm Springs! Can’t believe I got talked into this.

Pepperoni and bacon with six cheese blend.

San Diego County, California.

Caccio e Pepe or a rich spaghetti bolognese.

My housemate at karaoke singing “Freedom” by Pharrell Williams.

Empathy and compassion. I’ve also been told I suck a mean dick.

I’ve lost four pounds this week for a total of 56.4 pounds down from my top weight. I’ve dropped from a 54 waist to 48 and I can fit in 2XL without horrible button gapping. Still no roller coasters but it’ll happen.

By choice. My marriage ending in 2016 broke me in so many ways that I refuse to consider the possibility of letting someone in.