New Million-Dollar Idea !! A Dildo shaped like the Statue of Liberty so you can Butt-Fuck Yourself with America !!

I have been Feeding Curtis Dryer Sheets for Three Weeks !! I told him they were Fruit Roll-Ups !! He just Farted Out a Fucking Lightning Bolt !!

Um this will NOT fit in my Ass !!

When a Cop says they're "Putting Out an APB", they are Requesting an Abundance of Poop on their Balls !!

I am the Perverse Mage known as Turdweaver !! I Yank Poop from the Aether and Guide it onto your Mailbox and Subaru !!

The Opposite of "Enemy" is "Enema" (It is Good to Blow Shit out of your Ass !!) !!

This Lady looks like Doc Brown if he asked for Poop instead of Plutonium and he put it in a Casserole instead of a Time Machine !!

When a Toilet Gurgles after you Flush it, That is it Belching in Satisfaction after Feasting on Shit !!

Interesting Fact you Might Not have Known !! "Daguerreotype" is actually Latin for "Diarrhea Fingerpainting" !!

When People Say "I Am my Brother's Keeper", they are Actually Saying 'Key P'er (Donkey Puncher !!) !!

I am going to watch this New Show about Gay Marines who Love to Butt-Fuck !! Or, as they were called when I was In, "Marines" !!

Cake Makers like to Bundt-Fuck !!

We always Hear that Things are "The Bee's Knees" or "The Cat's Meow", but Nobody ever gives Equal Acknowledgment to "The Crow's Asshole" !!

"Rambo" is Short for "Ram Boners Up My Ass" !!

My Kitty is Really Into Bug Chasing !! He just Kicked his Cat Tower Over chasing after a Moth !! That Term doesn't mean ANYTHING ELSE !!

New YouTube Channel: Dipshit Physics !! We do Soy Face when we do shit like Turn a Light Bulb On !! Then we say "I Fucking Love Science" a Bunch of Times !! Give Me Money !!

If you have a Turd that Won't Flush, it has Proven itself a Warrior and Earned its Rightful Place in your Wife's Bedchamber !!

While it is True that Most Babies are Born by way of Natural Pussy Ejection, other Delivery Methods like C-Section, Plunger, and Enticement out of the Pussy with a Hamburger are Just as Legitimate !!

I am compiling a Comprehensive List of the Reasons I've taken a Solidly Orange Shit and "Cheetos" and "Crayons" don't even Crack the Top Five !!

I watched The Green Mile !! It was Good !! There should be More Movies where a Jesus Analogue Character Heals Someone's Fucking Wiener !!

The Invention of the Sausage came about because Early Man Utterly Refused to Eat Meat until someone Tricked them into Thinking it was a Turd !!

The Cool Monkey Lady Died !! Here is a Monkey checking out her Pussy !! I bet he was Hooting and Clapping when he Saw it !!

When Flappers in the 1920s showed like Three Inches of their Calf, it was treated as Severely as if a Lady showed her Straight Up Pussy to a Bus full of Third Graders !!

Republican Representative Dan Crenshaw wrote a Very Comprehensive Guide and Walkthrough for Suikoden III in 2003 !! I am Actually Telling the Truth !!

Not a Lot of People Know This !! When a Police Station Needs a New Cop, they Yank them out of a Rend in the Cosmos from a Parallel Dimension known as "The Oinkment" !!

I am going to Recite the Story of Mario RPG from Memory !!

New YouTube Show: 'Bation Wagon !! It's like Bang Bus but it's Me and Doug Las in a 1987 Chevy Caprice Station Wagon and one of us is Driving while Also Filming the Other Jacking Off !! Do NOT Steal this !!

I didn't see this Big Damn Pussy that Opened Up in the Dollar General Parking Lot !! It Broke my Tie Rod !!

I'm Pretty Sure you can Eat from the Same Can of Mixed Nuts for 18 Months and it's Fine !! I've Also been Shitting my Brains Out a Lot Though so I Don't Know For Sure !!

When Movies are rated "PG", That Means Pussy Guice !!

did you know napoleon’s boner parted ways with the rest of his body during his autopsy

The "NT" in Windows NT stands for Ninja Turtles !! #techfacts #historyofcomputing #truth

Why hasn't there ever been a Rap Video where there's a Lady Twerking and her Ass Cheeks are Two Death Stars ?? !!

I am watching Inter Stellar !! I Strongly Believe they should have Called it "An Unreasonable Abuse of Corn" Instead !! I have Only Seen Eight Minutes of it so far though so I might not have the Whole Story !!

The Singer Seal's Name is Actually Spelled "Sy L" !! It is short for "Pussy Lips" !!

Whenever I Shave I use my Index Finger to Smear the Shaving Cream over my Upper Lip !! It is called a Clean Sanchez !!

Die Hard was Originally Supposed to be Called "Die with a Boner" but they took the Coward's Way Out Instead !!

That is one of the Best Sentences I have Ever Read !!

They should start putting that 90s Fat Kid in a bunch of Movies again !! You know the One I Mean !!

I Wouldn't Fuck Hollywood Brown for a Million Dollars !!

You wash your hair with Shampoo !! I wash my hair with Mashed Up Graham Crackers and Poop !! We are Not the Same !!

BIFL does NOT mean Buy It For Life !! It means Busting Insanely Fat Logs (Taking a Shit) !! Put some Respect on my Turds !!

Once Again, I have found a Renewed Interest in PBS !! Pre-Marital Butt Sex !!

The Back Room at Family Video always had Rare Disney Movies I'd never seen Anywhere Else !! My Favorite was The Brave Little Toaster That Someone Put Their Dick In And Had To Go To The Hospital !!

Do you think Baby Yodas come from Baby Yoda Eggs ?? Or do they Gush Out of Gross Yoda Mom Cloacas ?? !!

People get Boners as a Result of Contracting the Rare "Bonerial Disease" !! It is Serious Shit so don't EVER Fucking Laugh At One !!

Mushrooms have Developed the Ability to Perfectly Mimic the Human Testicle !!

When People do that Thing where they Ride a Bike and they're Fucking Around on their Phone instead of Holding the Handle Bars, are they Steering with their Balls and/or Pussy ?? Inquiring Minds want to Know !!

New Superhero: Ace Sexual !! Kind of like how Superman has the catchphrase "Up, Up, and Away !!", his catchphrase is "I think pussy is stupid" !!

Earlier I saw a Guy Saying he Gave his Life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel Parking Lot !! I am Actually Not Lying This Time !!