Abandoned Stanzas™ // 012026

Don’t be jealous. It’s only Macca’s burner account. He dug it when I commented, “Who’s majesty? Her majesty!”

I always feel like that Wilson-Phillips song “Hold On” is mocking me until I think about their families and realize they know what they’re talking about.

I hope Bruce followed up his “GTFO ICE” intro by performing “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out”

If Hammer decides to stop performing Too Legit To Quit, he should issue the following statement: Not Fired I've Retired.

Look, I dig too deep for meaning in Smiths lyrics, but finding out that “I’ve seen this happen in other people’s lives, and now it’s happening in mine” was inspired by being annoyed at those ridiculously long paper cash register receipts from CVS is beyond banal, even for Morrissey. Do better!

If the government can afford 50K for its ICE thugs, they can give me 50K to see the “Melania” movie. How ’bout it?

Here's what happens when you try to inform Gemini that the working title of the Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson song “Say Say Say” was “Say Say Say Say.” Argumentative!

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, but I understand Peter Jackson’s inclination to insert The Beatles into the Lord of the Rings reissues. That new One Ringo Starr To Rule Them All character cramming in that line about “You shall not pass me by” is a bit much though, quite frankly.

The only problem I have with Bandcamp banning AI is that I was planning on taking that Bandcamp Friday money for myself.

I love how Kim's solo career has been gaining so much steam these last few years. It's inspiring!

If you can look past the fact that chewing tobacco is unhealthy for children, then the product Chewbacca Chewbacco Chewing Tobacco becomes quite marketable.

It's been 35 years since we were first instructed to use our illusion and then, some say, unnecessarily hectored a second time to use our illusion. How's that working out for everybody?

My sentimentality knows no bounds. I thought the grocery store flyer said, “Discover unforgettable savings” (it said “unbeatable.”) I was like, “Aw. C-Town means cute town.”

1461 Days of Ignoring The Trump Administration • Days 306-312 👀 bit.ly/itta-306-312

“I Have Forgiven Jesus” is the most Morrissey song title of Morrissey’s career. It borders on parody and I love that.

If you haven’t gotten into the best podcast series ever created yet, the nearly five-hour episode on the Dead’s “Dark Star” is a great place to start. podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/e...

JD Vance is just a woke writer of mid-fiction adapted into flop film. Haha.

There is no more stark reminder of the Daryl Hall and John Oates divorce than the revised H2O album cover art 😭

I just now realized that when JD Vance called Donald Trump “America’s Hitler,” he said it because he was envious.

It’s certainly no “Cemetry Gates.” It’s not even “Suedehead,” but I did enjoy Morrissey’s “Make-up is a Lie” more after I began imagining it as Andy Warhol’s debut solo single.

If only these dude’s Dads had pulled them aside and said, “Hey, little man, it’s okay that you’re gay. I still love you.” The amount of diffused toxicity would surpass the power needed to prevent Grindr going down during Turning Point.

If you purport to be a baker of black & white cookies and you don't use lemon in the batter, I will see you in Hell.

I chatted with @magnetmagazine.bsky.social about The Apples in Stereo! My book is out now. Grab one from your preferred bookseller at applesbook.com.

Q&A w/ @joshbloom.bsky.social, author of “The Apples In Stereo” (J-Card Press). “I’m not sure rock historians or fans of rock history understand the Apples were first band to release music on @elephant6.bsky.social, a label they were also responsible for running”: magnetmagazine.com/2026/01/08/a...

The day it was sold, Pitchfork became the line item "Indie Rock Blog" on a Conde Nast spreadsheet.

Even the “I have a competition in me” guy thinks Venezuela is a stupid idea.

Who would’ve thunk that a man born into an existence of opulence that only systematically served the development of his emotional void’s ability to efficiently deliver misery to anyone and everyone he ever encountered on Earth wouldn’t make for the best most powerful person?

You can tell if your meal was made with the help of Chat GPT if it is seasoned with Mrs. Dash.

Donald’s giving up on the Nobel and going for the Pulitzer instead: Roses are red Violets are blue Radical left scumbags Thank you for your attention to this matter

She doesn’t even work at CNN, but Bari Weiss is banning the Chevy Chase documentary as “unfair to assholes.”

I haven’t had my consciousness taken over the way “Not Like Us” did since.

No 6-7 cereal yet? 🤔

The person who convinced me that Marty Supreme is set in outer space is a total jerk. “The orange ping pong ball is the planet that Marty lives on!” Yeah, right. I fell for it.

How about a Morrissey tour where he announces all dates as “pre-canceled?” Fans buy tickets to shows that aren’t happening, then on the day of, he posts, “Due to foreseen circumstances, tonight’s performance is still completely and totally canceled.” Good for community building!

Seeing lots of FIFA peace prize jokes, except the irony is that this invasion is retaliation for no Nobel. "Okay, so you're not going to glaze my false claims about ending wars? Let's flip the script." His only motivation ever is serving his emotional hole.

Susan Collins this morning like, "C'mon, man, you can't expect me to be concerned about everything!"

CBS News reports: Legendary anchorman Walter Cronkite never existed, has no grave to roll over in.

It makes sense that CBS becomes a tool of the state. It is a station that can still be seen through the air. Start straightening out a coat hanger down South, not only for TV reception but also so your sister can abort your baby.

My favorite song of 2025 is the three-year old song "End of Beginning" by Djo, who I did not know is in the cast of "Stranger Things," because I am against the word "things." youtu.be/xy3AcmW0lrQ

Even though I feel like this is a Monday, it does NOT mean you can treat me like this is a Monday!

I mean, I always kinda dug her "I'm Lisa Simpson and I play the harp" schtick, but she's married to Andy Samberg and Gavin Newsom is her distant cousin, so maybe she can sit down (with her harp if she likes) on the classist criticism?

There are two reasons men incorrectly pronounce the new mayor's name as MAN-dani: Men love to talk about themselves and physically saying MAM-dani requires them to shut their mouths.

What if the last names of the other original members of KISS had also rhymed with kiss? Ace Bliss, Paul Tryst, Gene Piss? That would have been interesting.

I bet the producers of “This Old House” on PBS are pissed! They wanted “Purple Rain” for their series finale!

I don’t even think Yoko Ono likes “Imagine” all that much, and she wrote it.

Donald to his doctor: “And then I see the aspirin, where it thins my blood in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?”

MTV shut down the way it started with Stephen from Real World: Seattle throwing Irene's stuffed animal into the bay.

I make that dumb "See you next year," Dad joke on Jan. 1 instead of Dec. 31, so I don't have to see whoever I say it to for a long time.

Final draft is when editor replies to my latest email about changes with "too late."