"Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." - Epictetus #stoic #stoicism

So the dog says to the salad bar cashier, she says, "Ruffage."

Get your moped runnin', Get out on the parkway, Lookin' for a Starbucks, Or a Panera Bread maybe... BORN TO BE MIIIIIHILD!

"It does not matter what you bear, but how you bear it." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So the Meineke franchisee says to the therapist, she says, "By the end of the day I'm exhausted."

@thatamenkid.bsky.social youtu.be/fRKi2yoojHo?...

This morning on Out Of Context Theater: "If she were any softer she'd qualify as a liquid."

You're never completely dressed until you put on a smile.

"If thy brother wrongs thee, remember not so much his wrong-doing, but more than ever that he is thy brother." - Epictetus #stoic #stoicism

So the IT astronaut says to the lady, she says, "Linux. It's a bad idea to open Windows in space."

This morning on Out Of Context Theater: "It's a cursed couch. You should burn it. Have some kind of ritual. Maybe get a priest involved."

"Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So Mrs. Yeti says to the EMT, she says, "We found Himalayan in the driveway!"

"I love to go and see all the things I am happy without." - Socrates on going to the market

So the ice cream shop manager says to the evangelical, she says, "You'll have to work sundaes."

"You do not choose your problems. You choose how you react to them." - Dan Go #stoic #stoicism

So the tank-topped American says to the maître d', he says, "I have the right to bare arms."

"Associate with people who are likely to improve you. Welcome those who you are capable of improving. The process is a mutual one: we learn as we teach" - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So a very green The Edge says to a very green Bono, he says, "U2?"

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf💚cking snakes in this motherf💚cking Ireland!" - St. Samuel L. Patrick

"It'll destroy you if you try to make it mean anything to anyone but yourself." - Henry Rollins #stoic #stoicism (OK, maybe Stoic adjacent)

So the pilgrim says to the Lucky Dog guru, he says, "Make me one with everything."

I'm lying in bed just like Flip Wilson did.

"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Lao Tzu #stoic #stoicism

So the gray alien says to the HVAC guy, she says, "Space heaters."

I've got a ¥ for π. Happy Pi Day (US).

"We conquer the world by conquering ourselves." - Zeno of Citium #stoic #stoicism

So the abacus saleslady says to the guy, she says, "You can count on it, the guy."

“To make ourselves invisible to creditors or to the envious, and even to our own worries, we can take advantage here on earth of a great democratic institution — in fact, democracy's only success — the night.” ―Jean Giraudoux

"If anyone tells you that someone speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘They were ignorant of my other faults, else they would have not mentioned these alone.'" – Epictetus #stoic #stoicism

So Pope Baskin Robbins XXXI says to the journalist, he says, "Sundae school."

This morning on Out Of Context Theater: "The last straw was when she ate my emotional support tiramisu. For context, I’d spent hours making this tiramisu after a rough week at work. It was my therapy in a dessert.” Okay, *some* context...

"Death is necessary and cannot be avoided. I mean, where am I going to go to get away from it?" - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the waitress says to Jean-Paul, dit-elle, "Je suis désolé, monsieur, we are out of cream. Would you like a coffee with no milk instead?"

Have we tried turning the country off and on again?

"Stoicism is about the domestication of emotions, not their elimination." - Nassim Nicholas Taleb #dtoic #stoicism

So the guy says to the manager, he says, "I only get sick on workdays because I have a weekend immune system."

Any resemblance to persons living or dead, events, or places is purely coincidental.

"What upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgements about these things." - Epictetus #stoic #stoicism

So the mother superior says to the ranger, she says, "A nun, Chuck."

HAVE A SUPER MAR10 (US)!

"Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the ringmaster says to the human cannonball's widow, he says, "It will be difficult to find another man of his caliber."

If everybody had an ocean across the USA, Then that'd be some effed up geographé...

This morning on Out Of Context Theater: "It's not that bad. You should see Australia."

HYPERBOLE IS THE BEST THING EVER!

"Live out your life in truth and justice, tolerant of those who are neither true nor just." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the piece of string says to the bartender, it says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."