"The first principle of practical Stoicism is this: we don’t react to events; we react to our judgments about them, and the judgments are up to us." - Ward Farnsworth #stoic #stoicism

So Santa says to the philologist, he says, "It's just like the standard English alphabet except that it has Noël."

"Appreciating what you have is the best cure for missing what you have lost." - Mokokoma Mokhonoana #stoic #stoicism

So Rudolph says to Clarice, he says, "You could even say it glows."

"Don’t be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?" - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the ex-husband says to the ex-wife, he says, "But, the ex-wife, when I asked what you wanted for Exmas you said that nothing would make you happier than a diamond necklace!"

"Receive without conceit, release without struggle." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the ginger viking meteorologist says to his spouse, he says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Bruh.

"A thing is neither better nor worse for having been praised." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the animal control officer says to the abominable dog owner, she says, "Because Frost bites."

"Our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the basket-case elf says to the therapist, he says, "I'm Claustrophobic!"

Did you hear that? Is the back door locked?

"Look into the eyes of a chicken and you will see real stupidity. It is a kind of bottomless stupidity, a fiendish stupidity. They are the most horrifying, cannibalistic and nightmarish creatures in the world." - Werner Herzog

"Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for a kindness." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So Mrs. Claus says to the reproductive endocrinologist, she says, "He only comes once a year."

Putting on weight while receiving chemotherapy. Be nice if my body had been this resilient earlier and not gotten cancer...

"If it is not right, do not do it, if it is not true, do not say it." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So Bill says to Brian Doyle, he says, "Murray Christmas."

"...[W]ho has anticipated the coming of troubles takes away their power when they arrive." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So the toy store clerk says to the shopper, he says, "The Terminator dol...action figures? Aisle B, back."

"Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the historian says to the guy, she says, "The Eastern and Western Empires? They used a pair of Ceasars."

"You need not look about for the reward of a just deed; a just deed in itself offers a still greater return." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So the polar bear says to the singed esquimaux, she says, "You can't have your kayak and heat it too."

Ribbit³.

Rabbit³.

"The wise do not grieve for the things which they have not, but rejoice for those which they do." - Epictetus #stoic #stoicism

So the Coloradoan says to the waitress, she says, "A baked potato, please."

Unknown to Speed Racer X, the masked racer, is actually his brother Rex Racer who left home years before.

This afternoon on Out Of Context Theater: "French toast doesn't fix that."

"As an antidote to battle unkindness we were given kindness." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the yodeling instructor's receptionist says to the crowd, he says, "Please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue."

"Until we have begun to go without them, we fail to realize how unnecessary many things are. We've been using them not because we needed them but because we had them." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism

So the daredevil musician says to the guy, she says, "Bungee chords."

"We ought to do good to others as simply as a horse runs, or a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes season after season without thinking of the grapes it has borne." - Marcus Aurelius

So the bouncer says to the ASEAN delegation, he says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

Turkey, turkey, turkey... youtube.com/watch?v=W5_8...

I'm being deliberately obtuse.

"Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each of us lives only now, this brief instant." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the grammarian's husband says to the ER nurse, he says, "She's having contractions!"

"What's more, luxury breeds injustice because it also breeds greed." - Musonius Rufus #stoic #stoicism

So the former subscriber says to the newspaper subscription department, he says, "It's always tearable news."

I'm getting ahead of the elderly thing by adding stretchy jeans and slip-on shoes to my wardrobe.

TIL Disney*LA*nd Disneyw*ORL*d

"Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable, then endure it." - Marcus Aurelius #stoic #stoicism

So the leftover turkey says to the lady, he says, "Make me a sandwich!"

"That's the problem with heroes, really. Their only purpose in life is to thwart others. They make no plans, develop no strategies. They react instead of act. Without villains, heroes would stagnate. Without heroes, villains would be running

"You need not look about for the reward of a just deed; a just deed in itself offers a still greater return." - Seneca #stoic #stoicism