We hate Italians so much that when we make our big budget Mario Bros. movie, we're not casting any Italians.

Wasn't Fozzie the journalist?

Long gone are the days of Rain Man.

I forgot about the prequels!

I forgot about the prequels!

When are we gonna get hired as fucking script consultants?! Jesus Christ. Just send us your script and we'll fix it in 15 minutes.

It's a perfect adventure film for a 12-year-old boy. It's not the perfect adventure film for a 40-year-old man who hates life.

This is slowly becoming a show where we watch pornography.

I ain't gonna watch no foreign film! What am I, gay?!

The only thing that people remember, is celebrities doing things that are embarrassing. That's all that really matters about the Oscars.

Movies still make me feel things. I feel regret most of the time, but movies still make me feel things.

I'm givin' it to the baby.

I'm a grown up. I wanna see that doll run around with a knife and just stab people.

Everybody, start making Disney plagiarism videos.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

There's practical uses for AI in terms of, like, combing through data and statistics and that kind of thing, as a time saver, as a tool. Not as a means to pretend that you're creative.

Jay, I just joined the Twitter and I learned it's not okay to assign gender to anybody. She was a pretty little lady with a beard.

Hey! Remember cocaine? Cocaine was one of the key creative ingredients in putting together the original, an ingredient that's sadly lacking from Ghostbusters: Afterlife.

In this age of Donald Trump and terrorism, what people want is a dark Star Wars film.

Gather around the fireplace and listen to Mike awkwardly try to remember something that happened to him.

All I know is that Jared Leto is the worst fucking Joker ever.

I hate AI in the world of art.

It's 4 am. Rich Evans is dead. The ShowBiz Pizza bear killed him, sadly. It was bound to get him. It wanted to dick him when he was a mere child, and now it's finally got him.

Woody Allen needs to make the next Transformers movie.

Six miserable, awful kids did something awful and miserable to a miserable, awful girl and she turned into a Skype ghost and killed them.

It's like the touch football version of street fighting.

Cause of death: Tums festival.

Yup.

Just a few years ago, all the Chinese did was grow rice and threaten each other with tanks. Now they're seeing movies!

Make sure you let us know that they did it on Mystery Science Theater 35 years ago. Get over it, nerds.

Check out some anime, pick up some manga.

Wait, are you talking about Comic-Con or politics?

Then I'll dress up in black face. I heard seals respond positively to black face. A little known fact.

Isn't the theater going experience wonderful. Just constantly people coughing and looking at their phones and talking to each other.

Mike, you do understand that some day, some day in the not too distant future, you are really going to get your comeuppance.

There is no soul. Star Trek takes place in an atheistic universe where God does not exist, Mike. I'm so sorry.

If you know why this movie exists, please contact us.

Oh my God, I just want to see a kid take a shit.

We're not talking about UFOs! We're talking about something that's real: ghosts.

I've always been fascinated by 'Satanic panic' because it wasn't real. Everybody was convinced that there was someone in your neighborhood that was gonna kidnap and murder your child. And, I mean, obviously that did happen sometimes. But not because of Satan.

I've never been so happy to be close to death.

Every movie is someone's favorite movie.

Oh thank you, Mr. Maculkin.

Our fans are interested in both AIDS and 9-11. And Star Wars.

I can't tell if that was an Einstein or Hitler. Adolf Einstein?

Are orgies still a thing?

This is borderline experimental.