this memorial day weekend, remember to use ice chests to keep cold things cold not make warm things cold. contact me for more dad at the bbq tips

Introduce yourself with 10 bands you've seen live: Battles Spiritualized Jon Cleary, George Porter Jr & Johnny Vidacovich Ron Carter Dave Holland Quintet Kevin Morby Andrew Bird Sleepytime Gorilla Museum Tool St Vincent

it's a shotgun two busch lite tall boys behind the circle k next to my work kind of wednesday. ai/llms work but not the way my boss thinks

he's clearly talking about other people. not me. i can pull off that look

[nathan fielder voice] the plan? to get a man in a knockoff Members Only jacket back in charge of Iran

Kevin Morby. lotta cologne in a small venue

rangers first base coach really dialing in that bad guy on Baywatch look

at my last job we found Pete the Condescending Project Manager's sport betting podcast. he probably figured out why his streams doubled when everyone started ending meetings with "and that's a lock from Big P" he had more listeners than these dorks

got this guy's autograph while he was ordering subway in the cabo san lucas airport. he was cool about it, his much younger lady companion gave me the stink eye

this testimony tracks with "trump I wasn't as bad bc there were a few adults in the room". not that those adults were doing a good job but powell and her gang had to work through backchannels to get in front of trump and were openly mocked by regular WH staff

leading the charge against culinary authenticity with costra de gruyere, ham, and giardiniera tacos at lunch

MLB TV needs better "hide spoilers" options. like a selectable list of no-spoilers teams and the rest are ok-just-show-me-the-score. It's cool if the Rays/Angels game shows the score idc

had coffee with a classmate who got rich by selling his tech startup and has spent 10 years endowing scholarships, flyfishing, and honing his japanese cooking. he's still the good dude i remember. maybe there's a threshold of rich that give you brainworms and he's just under it

i can relate to this. if i'm posted to a powerful job i'm totally asking about perks before responsibilities. so i can get private label bourbon and 24/7 access to a jet and security details for my side piece? cool cool cool. oh the day-to-day? i have underlings bro. i'm more big picture ya know?

me at a childrens hospital openbar fundraiser: pretty neat you made breakthroughs in pediatric cancer treatment, doc, but my wife wife: don't me: has a top 1% vagina. just gonna pull the microbiome analysis on my phone wife: you promised you'd stop doing this. we talked about it in the car

that's some serious main character syndrome

We don't sell Tic Tacs for Christ's sake. We sell cigarettes. And they're cool and available and addictive. The job is almost done for us! clip.cafe/thank-you-sm...

number of times i've cut myself while using a mandolin: 0 number of times i've cut myself while cleaning a mandolin: 3

goat cheese sandwiches with green apple and peeper jelly are lowkey goated when apologizing to your wife is the vibe

on bsky it's "careful what you're posting" and on my family group chat it's "why do these guys keep missing? come on man, put some range time in"

just got an interview offer from a job i applied to 18 months ago. my guys, every ship has sailed on that posting

really need to do some cost/benefit analysis of growing alfalfa in the Sonoran desert and on the Colorado plateau

choosing to believe this is about the author of Transcendental Number Theory en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Ba...

gdi

an SVP introduced the CEO of a 40k person company to my team and the SVP was shocked we didn't recognize the CEO instantly. the CEO said "relax, it's not like you guys have C-suite trading cards. just here to talk about your new project and shake some hands"

Hmm.

working on a flagstaff mentioned graphic (San Francisco peaks, gore layoffs, drunk lumberjack, maybe Calvin peeing on Sedona)

april baseball is a source of pure joy for stats perverts

lmao bloomberg doing Jeff Epstein? the financier?

i'll have to factor in tariffs, shipping costs, and current fuel prices but this could pencil out for me. my city will soon know a one-tank armored cav unit enforcing no-parking in the bike lane

[broadcaster interviewing baseball manager midgame]: we hear you and your wife skip the chili's by your house and drive to the *good* chili's a few miles away [unassisted triple play happens, shown on small side screen] [interview continues]: i do the thing with cheesecake factory

lmao the out-of-state owners of my nextdoor airbnb are on facebook complaining none of the neighbors roll their trashcans up from the curb for them

writing a grant proposal with a budget of one 30 pack of natty ice and one fifth of jager to prove subjects can find themselves in a waffle house with no memory of how they got there

red beans: soaked overnight trinity: chopped fine the meters: queued up there is much pain in the world, but not in this kitchen

artemis moving at 17000mph. i know mechanics and understand how things in space work but that's still so amazing - hard scifi come to life

this is gospel truth for two of my uncles. they still post facebook jpegs of fake ho chi minh quotes that go something like "we tried to surrender but China stopped us" or "we were one day from defeat but then the US just left even though the war was going great for them"

libertarian candidate in my area is sending out texts pledging to fight "woke leftist like Sleepy Joe Biden". come on have some self respect here

i know this has Canadian girlfriend vibes, but maybe he did get a call from a Steven Miller-commissioned Obama impersonator saying "Mr Trump, sir, just wanted to know you've bested my presidency in every way and i am very jealous"

yeah, get her ass NPR

get peep at this FA-18/F-4 lovechild looking mfer. even has that phantom-style exhaust

are the Kurds hungry for another fell for it again award?

and i find it kind of funny i find it kind of chad the dreams in which i'm mogging are the best i've ever had

the article does end on a positive note: she might be moving to iowa to lose elections in a new state

somewhere a subreddit is blowing up about how the moon, much like mars, does not have a magnetosphere

my coworker advised everyone on my team to buy bitcoin 5 months ago. gotta lock in and script some good digs so i stand out when everyone's roasting him tomorrow. gonna have to stay up late shopping my material

i'm actually kinda pumped for this. the schism posting is going to get good

through my gritted, shattering teeth: welcome to the resistance, cato institute

Epstein writes emails like my former coworker who was sure no one knew he was microdosing

sharing this for my Hugo finalist friends who've had Kirkus starred reviews

fuck i just liked a will stancil post