Hey baby, would you like a massage? I'll grab your favorite scent...

"Thats it, good boy. Bend over for me and show me those cute undie- .....SIR."

WHAT!!!!! YEEESSSS OMFG These books were my childhood!!! 🤩🤩🤩

....hang on. I'm about to piss off the christians 😈 (My family are good sports at least)

There is a website that translates into corporate jargon.... Great for emails, resumes, etc. However HEAR ME OUT. Plug in some poetry, a children's book, a SPICY NOVEL Fucking HELP ME 🤣 Imagine the possibilities!!! Omg hold up....is there an Olde English version?

I grew up believing animal sustenance was a necessary evil I lived the majority of my life w this long held belief I am so grateful I finally learned better and learned to live vegan

A Magic Wave Exclusive — a tale of an imprisoned engineer being wrongfully held against her will by a power hungry king. But when her jailer ends up sympathizing with her, perhaps there’s a way out after-all… 🎧 Link to the full audio in the reply below:

Goofy-ass shirts I would wear in public Part 4...?

Today I got the go-ahead from my surgeon that I'm all healed up and can the bang-bang now...

What in the face fuckery... ....well I mean... 🤣

Lt Dan!!!!

I've had this audio in the vaults for a while now, and for years it's been sitting on the Patreon for only the most dedicated listeners to listen to. Well, it's finally out... one of my most requested audios is now available for everyone! 💕 🎧 Listen to the full audio in the reply below:

Office staff: Everyone wear a pastel color for pictures on Friday! [My name] you too! Me: Funny that y'all assume I have colored clothing. Coworker: I can bring you a- Me:

.....NEED

I don't need them anymore so I made a kit for my coworkers 😊

Goofy tshirts that I would absolutely wear in public Part 3?

It will take many small acts of courage to change our increasingly violent world 💚 www.vegansociety.com/go-vegan/how... 💚 HowDoIGoVegan.com 💚 Challenge22.com 💚 Veganuary.com 💚 bitesizevegan.org

Our pleasure is not worth the cost that they have to pay. 💔 📸: joannemcarthurphotography (IG) | weanimals (IG) #animalrights #veganshare #pigs

POV: you've not been sitting in traffic with windows down for the past 3 weeks.... turns out, it is a rare side effect of your medication. Who knew I would have to choose between my hallucinating nose smelling exhaust 24/7 or have anxiety.

Go watch or I'll be forced to poke you in the eye with a really hot french fry.

If you know me, you know that I have massive anxiety and therefore try to be prepared for just about anything. So if anyone is fresh out of FUCKs to give, I gotchu.

Do your choices make ending hunger more or less possible? 🎨 A Well Fed World

Happy Friday y'all!✨ Hoping the end of the week is treating ya well, & what better way to cap things off than with a little yapping 🎙️ Tho I gotta say, I was super self conscious here cause I had such a stuffy nose while recording due to allergies 🤧 🎧 Full audio below in the reply:

#comedy #dramaticreading #funny #funnysigns #engrish

Usually, when I get to work, I take a nice deep breath because half the time, there is the smell of roasted coffee beans in the air~ ...Not today. Idk what scent the outdoors decided to go with but 'stale salt water and trash cabbage' is not it. My senses are offended.

They're usually dumped into an industrial grinder... alive. When you buy eggs, you support this practice. Now you know~

LESS ANIMAL-based FOODS = Less animal cruelty Less #deforestation Less biodiversity loss Less water pollution Less marine debris Less ocean dead zones ☠️ Less #pandemics Less heart disease Less diabetes Less cancer Less land-grabs Less food insecurity Less crop deaths Less #violence Less INDIFFERENCE

We love an inclusive king~

Goofyass shirts I would wear in public. Part 3?

Also I found this It is super pretty 😍 And multi-purpose And PURPLE!

Dumbass shirts I would absolutely wear in public Part 2

Ffffffff I got the CUTEST pin!!! 🥰

Not exactly sure what sunshine is supposed to taste like, but this is pretty damn good! 😋

#comedy #dramaticreading #funny #funnysigns #engrish

...now that I think about it, my #AuDHD / #autism might sometimes be seen as a threat 😅

T-shirts I would absolutely wear in public without shame 🤣

Sometimes the lesser audio quality gives some very nice echo-y sounds 🫠🫠🫠

Looool #69IsHauntingMe

I got a pillow thing for my office chair at work, right? Opened the package, set it next to my bag. Next day, it's GONE. That was 3 weeks ago. This morning, I dropped a ring, and it rolled under my bed, so I went to get it. 300 toys. WHY ...adopt a kitten, they said. It'll be fun, they said... 😮‍💨

Every morning, he waits for me to turn on his favorite show 🥰

Too pink. Need to find purple 💜

*squeaky squeaky*

Plans for tonight: stand-up comedy show to see someone I've been waiting AGES to come to my city. Alone. As in, by myself. 🙃 Anxiety is steadily rising. No local friends to accompany as emotional support human. Looks like I will be taking Pill-Z.

I was today years old when I learned the correct pronunciation of "carafe"

....I was today years old when I realized what "watch your 6" means....

Finally got around to figuring out the sleep watch thing. ....no surprise that my sleep is shit 🙃

🫠 love me some switch vibes 🫠