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Bob would have had to decide to stop chasing, or at least reorient his relationship to it. What could his purpose have been otherwise, that thing that fundamentally defined him? That tap dance on a dark day told me everything I needed to know about him. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Perfectionism’s healthy form is a love language, if corralled. To perfect in order to learn and master, to make part of oneself, is love. To perfect mainly or solely to gain influence is greed. I perfect because I’m enamored; I don’t perfect to be adored. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

After a stint in the a psychiatric unit, Bob’s life is inundated with wins. And in a pivotal scene, he’s confronted after an awards show by his best friend, the famed screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky, who gifts him an amateur therapy session in their limousine. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Going to be on the show Studio 2 on WHYY, NPR Philadelphia, tomorrow at noon to talk about looksmaxxing.

Noted psychoanalyst Don Carveth wrote, “The point of analysis is to get over yourself.” While we often think of therapy as a support system, which it is to an extent, it doesn’t merely aid self-esteem; good therapy helps curtail pride as well. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

We realize it doesn’t matter whether Bob Fosse became Fred Astaire or not; his longing symbolized just another rung on a ladder leading to nowhere. There was no way for anything in the world to save him, so completely, from himself. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

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Whether it’s agreeableness, charisma, some combination, or something else altogether, Bob can’t grab hold of what lies beyond himself. So, he’s forever left settling—for Oscars, Tonys, and Golden Globes. They reflect back to him the person he’ll never be. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Like the devil, perfectionism sustains itself through deception and fallacious thinking. If it continues to devalue everything you have, as it did with Bob, just because you have it, then nothing outside of it can kill it. You would need to deplatform it. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

It’s like Bob spends his life seeking an achievement he can’t easily kill, one worthy of defeating his intellectually superior inner devil. Yet, like the devil, Bob’s mind is littered with tricks, which render impossible a fair assessment of his success. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Paddy Chayefsky tells Bob Fosse he can’t enjoy success because he realized at an early age that it’s bullsh*t, like everything else people obsess over. Implied is the wisdom that success doesn’t necessarily engender self-love or even self-like. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Bob Fosse defines success based on whether or not it’s his. If it is, then it’s a mere reflection of him and his possibilities, all of which are innately (and likely irredeemably) worthless. If not, then it must be valuable. Nothing can vanquish the devil. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

I ask myself what I may ask a patient, “Why are you not allowed to be rejected? Why do you have to become so great that everyone likes you? Why must you carry that burden?” These are questions I can’t ever seem to answer. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

While the perfectionist may profess how much they want to be loved and love in return, again, if we zoom out, we notice a need for unequivocal admiration and/or approval, as evidenced by their fixations on what they don’t and likely can’t have. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The point, if there’s one that sums up the entire endeavor of therapy, is to cultivate the resolution to integrate an understanding of your personal limitations, some of which are obviously going to be applicable to all of us. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

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Noted psychoanalyst Don Carveth wrote, “The point of analysis is to get over yourself.” Yet, I can’t tell you why I believed I wasn’t allowed to settle and just love one thing, trying to perfect it. Perfectionism’s healthy form is a love language. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Perfectionism’s healthy form is a love language, if corralled. To perfect in order to learn and master, to make part of oneself, is love. To perfect mainly or solely to gain influence is greed. I perfect because I’m enamored; I don’t perfect to be adored. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Perfectionism’s healthy form is a love language, as long as it can be corralled. My writing, relationships, and my work as a therapist all have to be worthy of perfecting for their own sake, without the expectations of glamorous social trappings. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

I wanted limitless options to prove my superior value. Sometimes, I even developed feelings for people after discovering their lack of interest in me. One can argue that I was merely after status, but, deeper, I believe I was after some form of immortality. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

On e 253, we welcome @letsgomathias.bsky.social to discuss what fascism and ANTIFA are, fascism’s ideological roots in greed and domination, if we owe it to fascism to openly debate, and if it’s possible to differentiate between conservatives and fascists. Full ep: youtu.be/iZAz_Pt0_cU

Psychoanalyst Don Carveth wrote, “The point of analysis is to get over yourself.” The point, if one sums up therapy, is to cultivate the resolution to integrate an understanding of your personal limitations, some of which are applicable to all of us. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

While the perfectionist may profess how much they want to be loved and love in return, again, if we zoom out, we notice a need for unequivocal admiration and/or approval, as evidenced by their fixations on what they don’t and likely can’t have. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Dating a teen, I complained about women being uninterested in me. And although this tended to elicit sympathy, I always left out an important point: I only wanted to date those I couldn’t be with. When they reciprocated my affection, I devalued theirs. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Noted psychoanalyst Don Carveth wrote, “The point of analysis is to get over yourself.” While we often think of therapy as a support system, which it is to an extent, it doesn’t merely aid self-esteem; good therapy helps curtail pride as well. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Perfectionism’s healthy form is a love language, as long as it can be corralled. To perfect in order to learn and master, to make part of oneself, is love. To perfect to gain influence is greed. I perfect because I’m enamored; I don’t perfect to be adored. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Our more obsessive patients, preoccupied with their investments, want to make sure they’re getting a good deal. They spend most of their time fixated on their decisions. “Did I choose the right person to marry?” “Do I really hate my job?” “Can I do better?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Looksmaxxing, while it can foster a sense of community, devolves into hyper-competitiveness, which is also where it stems from, as each realizes that the quantity of attractive men greatly reduces one’s rewards; if everyone looks amazing, no one does. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Men and boys who organize their self-esteem around attracting women, which is obviously natural to a large extent, engage in online forums that teach the gospel of looksmaxxing: The tallest and most physically attractive men are the most successful in mating. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

As Schopenhauer suggested, you can be great without being famous (and famous while mediocre). Dio is an example of something that feels purer, embodying love, merit, talent, resolve, conscientiousness, resilience, authenticity, loyalty, and, yes, fixation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The neutral is exaggerated along with the objectively good and bad. When hearing about a patient’s conflicts and trials, therapists, at some point, may ask, “How much of this has you in it, whether your manifest contribution or interpretation?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The most difficult part of trying to answer these questions is accepting the randomness involved in giving up or continuing; fundamentally, you can either continue to reassess or move on, with no real hope for insight into the best reasons for doing either. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Couples therapy usually begins with both parties blaming each other. One blames the other for being needy and the other objects to chronic, perceived mistreatment. “It’s all your fault” is the reoccurring yet trite message from both. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The 1986 film Manhunter, about an FBI profiler named Will Graham, who’s in search of a serial killer, presents us with a vivid portrait of the cloudiness of human personality and, more broadly, human nature. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Like the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, Dio placed the pursuit of status in its proper place, valuing greatness much more. As Schopenhauer suggested, you can be great without being famous (and famous while mediocre). www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

People with OCD seek out clear conclusions. So, they may present a dataset to a therapist and ask, “Is this a good or a bad decision?” Yet, life is secretive about its answers, mockingly providing one counterexample after another for our need for certitude. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Regardless of any personality assessment, there’s some unexplainable part of Will Graham—even if we chalk it up to increased empathy and/or humility, we’d have to explain how they co-exist with his lust for dominance—that wills himself away from himself. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

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Both, according to Lecter, crave power, desiring to feel as a god does. He lumps Graham into a simple category while minimizing a profound point: Graham fights the desire. Regardless of any personality assessment, there’s some unexplainable part of him. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The obsessive maximizer, who needs to perfect everything and to waste no time, tends to find therapy frustrating at best and infuriating at worst, another waste of their time, with no concrete answers. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

OCD may imply a fixation on proof. So, the individual refuses to accept the limitations of their own knowledge, of being human. It’s impossible to prove that a relationship is going to go well as it’s impossible to prove what’s obviously true about you. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Lecter remarks, “You would be more comfortable if you would relax with yourself. We don't invent our natures; they're issued to us, along with our lungs and pancreas and everything else. Why fight it?” Lecter implies that Graham is a psychopath as well. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

Whether you are or aren’t compatible can only be approximated, and that occurs with time and constant reappraisal. The most difficult part of trying to answer these questions is accepting the randomness involved in giving up or continuing. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

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Obsessive-compulsive tendencies imply a fixation on proof. So, the individual refuses to accept the limitations of their own knowledge. It’s impossible to prove w relationship is going to go well as it’s impossible to prove what’s obviously true about you. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

People go to therapy looking for answers. The obsessive maximizer, who needs to perfect everything and to waste no time, tends to find treatment frustrating at best and infuriating at worst, another waste of their time. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...

The 1986 film Manhunter, about an FBI profiler named Will Graham, who’s in search of a serial killer, presents us with a vivid portrait of the cloudiness of human personality and, more broadly, human nature. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...