AHHH I FORGOT I HAD THIS APP

just a few short days after i hatched from my wizard egg, my mom made a homunculus of wet clay. funny little guy. she named it “better kid” —we called him BK for short. now he’s the urn i keep her ashes in. happy mother’s day!

ATTENTION BLUESKIANS: you are receiving an INFERIOR QUALITY version of my posts. to experience my genius in its PROPER CONTEXT, you should download TUMBLR, an app that DOESN’T WORK, and follow ONLY wizards and “TGIRLS”

i can only assume that stands for Loathsome Rasping Poltergeists

the king just told me my jester subscription is going up by 2 bucks this month. fuck this. im just gonna hire some pirates to kidnap him

i will soon be releasing a new type of hog with gravity-type powers. enjoy da world

it’s hard being a beloved niche internet celebrity when you have no job no skills no talent no family no friends and some sort of wailing ghoul that follows you and portends dark futures

i will darken these blue skies