7-Eleven and tweakers, name a more iconic duo.

To the owner of the shit-brown cybertruck in the parking lot, you left your horrific taste on.

It’s not drinking and driving if you only do it at red lights.

No one wants a toothy rimjob®

Holy water based lube

Last one to jack in the box has to eat it.

Hey Siri, make my oven cook faster.

Did grandma drop her Jitterbug down the toilet? Call now.

Chekhov's dead friend

The epileptic slide.

Uncle Jerry's Enema Juice® is it juice for your enema, or juice from his? You decide.

Sharts are overrated, the real killers are snarts, sneeze and it feels like your ass just split open.

TIL "Pace Chunky Medium" isn't a show about an overweight psychic named Pace.

On this day of our lord, the 8th sequel to 4/20.

“Drive like your best friend is with you” Officer, I’d like to introduce you to my best friend, tequila.

It's not incest, it's Italian.

You can go down stairs so much faster if you just get drunk.

Is this the bride’s maids or a dark souls boss?

Smoking so much crack that Face ID stops working since 1965.

Half human, half vajankle, entirely pregnant.

Relationships are sometimes smacking your partner on the bussy until they let you into bed

Nobody out-squirts the 'gurt.

New cockring with flow-rate detection.

My favorite pass-time is running to the bathroom like a geriatric marathon-runner.

Squelch's Fruit Snacks®

Introducing the new Nintendo WiiGwet

Everybody comes with an Easy-Taint Oven®

I'm a big rangooner.

professional meatball torsionist.

Lou Gehrig's TVs

My balls flashed before my eyes.

Scrotal incontinence, because i can't stop cumming.

Tell me when. *uses a foot planer over your spaghetti*

You can call me bussyfinger.

You know, that lubey guy. Lubey Armstrong, right?

Get lubey in the company ball pit!

What are you doing, step-fiancé?

Renting out your butthole for a concert.

Cures for the meat sweats: a cold bottle of gatorade on your taint. I don't know of others, but I will report back.

Is it a sin to be gregnant out of wedlock if it's a food baby?

Free dairy, gluten, carrageenan, and cholesterol from soy, artificial colors, and artificial flavors Man I didn’t know all those were in there when I made a White Russian with it!

Will you sign this petition to change the phrase "autocorrect" to "vowel movement"

Pissing at Nabisco, the Panic at the Disco cover band.

You've heard of buttsex, now introducing: suttbex, the act of prolapsing your ass up your partner's urethra. adding a note to let you know, I'm sitting here wondering if I should actually hit post.

Biryani and chill, because you know it's not going to lead to sex.

Wake up and smell the cucumbers

Yeasty cloaca

How many parts of my body can be sucked at once?

Stop snorting the cats.

They told me to eat 3 square meals a day, so that's 3^2... 9... and now I guess it's up to me to name the new ones. So now we've got breakun breakunch - careful saying this around polite company brunch still works i guess linner dunch dincher - not the teeth