When passing through Ronkonkoma it's important you don't fall into a rom-com coma.

A second baby has hit the towers

Everyone likes the Stanley steamer jingle until you realize that Stanley left a steamer in the middle of your living room.

Roma Funeral Home, stuffing your loved ones with tomatoes since 1965.

This holiday season, be sure to thank your local kegel-er elves for shaping all of the Hershey's kisses in their own special way.

Our colleague, Dick, has been crowned Dave's Honda Shack® Pickle Princess 1988.

Dick's Sporting Goods food poisoning champion 1987

Pull out bed? I'm not gonna pull out...

We need a rebrand from laxatives to something else, my vote it’s for “colon expectorant.”

Saltines are just midwest tortilla chips.

Thanksgiving isn't truly over until you clog the toilet 3 times on a Sunday.

Coital Combat, Finish (in) Him!

My Neck, My Back: The Geriatric Attack.

You don't need alcohol to have a good time, visit your local dealer today and ask about the other substances you can abuse!

Ain't no party like an Icy Hot® party.

On this week's episode of So You Forgot How to Put Things on a Table, our protagonist finally figures it out.

Always remember to slather your cough drops in Frank's Red Hot before consumption, your throat deserves the flavor sensation that is Icy-Hot.

When you go to microwave your Thanksgiving Turkey® this year, make sure you cut off the part that gets charred from the probes arcing.

It's 20 'til 1 'til 7

The real reason everyone has crazy tequila stories is because it tastes too fucking good.

A safety pin, so big it is no longer safe.

Side-effects may include: nausea, heartburn, indigestion, forgetting how to breathe while using your hands.

Post-Coital Fushigi

The bussy area is for loading and unloading only.

My favorite letter is guitar.

Arkansas, the “what that mouth do?” state

A soft taco warning is in effect in the affected area until 9pm tonight.

The sequel is almost never as good as the original, nearly slept through 1am, part 2.

Carnal asada, the steak you can fuck.

If you're ever in danger, just remember the good ol' MacKenzie-butthole-whistle technique and let'r rip. Works every time, sometimes.

Hey, Siri, draw her pregnant.

I would be an insufferable pregnant woman

If you or a loved one has forgotten how to thumbs, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

The battery store: come on in, and get your ass beat today!

POV: penis of view PPV: penis per view FPS: first penis shooter MMORPG: massively multiplayer online role penis game

"In cod we thrust" - some dude fucking a fish on 6th street.

Beware the dick-eating amoebas.

Taint, by Calvin Klein Deodorant for your butthole

fuck/marry/kill: piss, water, teeth

How many calories are in ass?

The name's Dickard, call me Rick.

From the same minds that brought you bidegg, introducing salmonella flavored lube.

Our new line of enematronics will clean you out AND dance while they do it.

Continents are very good at holding in their poops.

The toilet exorcist business is booming

Piss is just the first letter of what you're doing, followed by the noise it makes when you do it

Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty. Tit-b-gone, apply directly to the titty.

Pissing Through the Morning Wood: The Dick Flanagan Story

Suddenly remembering I have legs is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with wronghole you may be entitled to financial compensation.