2 hour Teams session on Trauma Informed Practice coming up. I might kill myself for relevance and context.

Little interest or pleasure in doing things, hbu?

I simply could not give a fuck if Prince Harry stays at Buckingham Palace or a Travelodge.

I've cleaned the bathroom sink so that's my behavioural activation done

I would ask that somebody at 6music move the microphone apprx 35cm further away from Beth Ditto and adds a beefier pop shield.

I'm at Tay Tay's wedding. It's chicken in a basket. You're not missing out.

I have cut my hair using the power of Wahl and vibes and I feel I should have swapped out vibes for skill.

My phone took three consecutive photos without me knowing - I think from inside my shorts pocket. And they're pretty good in a James Turrell kinda way. Will keep.

I'm singing to my fan. My Meaco fan.

The afternoon's important business

WET BULBS ON RADIO 4

Hope everyone has their wet bulbs ready

Who up considering they political future RN

The hedge trimmer cable and I have a rather fractious relationship

*Optician’s voice* “Strait of Hormuz, open or closed?” “Open [pause] or closed?” And what about now? “Closed or open?”

Like scratch off parking permits but for screaming kids in back gardens. Revenue divided by neighbours. Andy Burnham when?

I have a massive problem with the really shit software I have to use at work (MS Dynamics, IT'S SO SHIT) but everyone else seems very accepting of its shitness and I'm wondering if it's because I'm old and I remember when software was coded to work correctly and if it didn't it was fixed.

Feel like bludgeoning my own head with a sledgehammer today like that clavichord lad

If you want to protect kids from social media, just stick them on a South Western Railways train, they ain't never gonna get a mobile signal or wifi on there.

I like all food

I was just pairing up some socks and I said to myself when the fun stops, stop

Fax machines still exist. Just saying.

Polygons

The orchids in the park are back. I wonder if anyone else spots them.

Neighbours vigorously jet washing their block paved driveway thus removing all the jointing sand for that unstable wibbly wobbly effect

Always get Al Carns and Kim Carnes mixed up.

Despite 6music hammering that Peaches track, I'm still into it. I've choreographed a bit of a routine to it.

If you ask me a question in a Teams chat, I will simply thumbs up you and not provide an answer.

Lunch of tinned kippers on toast before midday. #inmyeighties

Waking up to the proposed scrapping of equality legislation. Love this for me and all of us. Classic Tuesday.

My DPD driver, Prince, will arrive between 13.48 and 14.48. He rides upon a rainbow-maned unicorn. Is this the day when I finally get rescued from my life of drudgery and toil? tbh, this is *exactly* how I imagined it.

My tiktok slash youtube channel will be launching soon. Middle aged man applying ridiculous skincare products to his mug while 1970s disco music plays. Worried about copyright claims for the music.

The evidence* suggests the dog fell in the pond *an excitable wet sludge covered dog jumping on the bed

*googles* Are nematodes animals?

Every news bulletin this morning has mention of 'fecal matter' and I have been repeating it out loud incessantly but in the style of Lily and Todney from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. I guess that's today's theme. I don't have too many calls today which is a blessing for all.

Crudités and dip but it's chocolate biscuits and clotted cream

An arrival

For the first time ever today I saw somebody using this pool

I have a dewy glow

Announce Meaco

I have sauna bathed

Price controls on Soreen when?

I awoke from a dream where I was horrified by a work colleague transferring documents to print via usb stick and the consequent potential for data breach. Is this a calling from God for me to become a GDPR trainer?

Am here and there is a Dartford Warbler

I can't find my glasses

I've really upped my skincare recently - all your exosomes, ceramides, peptides and wot not. Still have wrinkles and massive eye bags, but when my head is in my hands in existential despair, my skin feels so soft.

I stand by this

I've figured out that I am part of some warped A/B testing where every single app or piece of software I use is slowly degraded until I lose my mind. Well, we're very nearly there. You won, Jane.

Maybe deliver on the owls for everyone promise and add in a pelican?

Hantavirus is the new pulled pork