I am told that this be called "ASMR".

There be a new advisor upon the king's council. He just leans in and quietly whispers in the king's ear while shiftly looking around before the king speaks. Be this some manner of rake?

Fie! I think I need a new costrel. Mine leaketh upon myself.

I was once briefly engaged to a fey princess. The poor lass tripped upon mud, she asked "Goode guard, may I have thy hand?" A'course, I offered her my hand so that she could stand. She, in that fae logic we all know, declared us engaged. Needless to say, the Missus was unamused by her actions.

We've taken on a kenku as part of the watch. When she attests upon the king's court, she speaks in the voice of the accused. Truly, a boon for us. Gotta keep her away from the nightwatch, though. The tabaxi be a little too interested.

Thou know, I was taught to consider dragons monsters because they horde gold and burn down villages. And yet, a lot of the Lords in the kingdom horde gold and burn down villages.

I never understood pirates. I figured that most sailors be menfolk, aye? I reckon then you'd want a cutlad instead of a cutlass.

Faewild? Aye, I'd say thy are.

I drew upon the scroll of detect thoughts and heard naught within thy skull.

I swear, these Montagues and Capulets are always starting brawls

Thou art not built to hold the world upon thy shoulders. Every burden is not yours to carry.

Ensure thou art traveling upon the roads in groups. The griffons art in rut, and more aggressive than oft.

Betwixt you and I, half the liches I know did it not for immortality but to evade their debts.

Oft I feel sadness to know that there are great men who only yet live in mine memory.

Update: poured burning pitch on 'em. Wasn't immune to that.

Some rebel lord be at the gate proclaiming he hath 'inherited plate armor immune to the slings and arrows of man'. Free target practice for the lads, I suppose.

Accidentally glimpsed mine past lives while seizing a cursed amulet. All peasants, alas.

Thou can feel the autumn winds now, ensure thou hath a good cloak before chill follows.

The town crier be getting more complicated these days

Bad day for rogues, I hath returned.

Goode friends; I shalt be deep in the wilderness for the next several weeks. Keepeth the town clean and safe whilst I'm gone.

We went a whole summer without some upstart necromancer or sword-rattling lord besieging the city. Good fortune, all!

I fear one of our watchtowers mayhaps be cursed, I keep finding guardsmen asleep upon it.

If they had a church, they'd be tithelings.

Thou could say a tiefling peasant would be a fiefling

Everybody hath a magic sword these days. In my youth, thou needed only steel.

What be with mine companions, jesting upon mine lass? Why must they put upon airs? w/ @bzvowell.bsky.social @azureeyenews.bsky.social @pixelthegnome.bsky.social

The better archer thou becometh, the less time thou spends searching for arrows. #motivation

Goode friends I hath imbibed Gnomegrass and put ink to paper. I am in need of one more likeness to add unto this picture I am making sketch of

Wizards of quality don't smoke moon sugar. #safemagicweek

Remember to have a copy of the spellbook in safekeeping. One little fire can undo years of work. #safemagicweek

Absorbing Elements be just as important as casting elements. #safemagicweek

"Forbidden Spells", "Cursed Amulet", "Terrible Secrets" aren't called that to encourage thee to study them. It's to keep thy mental constitution healthy. Study safe, cast safe. #safemagicweek

I know not what "goblin mode" be, but I know thou should'st nae be it around our watchtowers.

Fireball knows not friend from foe. Always make sure you companions are away from thy target. #safemagicweek

Learn featherfall before flight. #safemagicweek

Wizards: say no to dark patrons. Thou gets a measly eldritch bolt in exchange for thy soul. Hard study pays off. #safemagicweek

If you don't teach your apprentice safe magic, who will?

The Missus' winter coat be coming in. Poor lass is leaving fur everywhere she strides. Tot he point that it pours out of her gauntlets.

Has thou had a pretzel??? Traders from the local burgh hath brought a few and they art a delight!

I proclaim not to be a peer to elvish archers, but I've found in mine experience that saturation of arrows on target be more desirable than immaculate precision.

What news from the provinces?

I've heard tell that wizards who fly art actually just very good at jumping. Be this true?

I'm starting to think that this whole feudalism thing mayhaps be a self-protecting system in which the nobles horde wealth and power that is grown by the commons. But mine salary be not to think, aye.

Some of the nobles are conspiring to ban "games with balls" and "games of dice" because it "distracts the serfs from farming".

On this day I learned that a potion of energy and a philter of sleep do not cancel each other out. It renders thee neither awake nor asleep, but some mysterious third thing.

Thou may see Skeletons running amok in the woods. I have been assured by several black-robed mages that this is "normal migratory patterns" for skeletons and should pass relatively soon.

Do not mistake cruelty and strength. Cruelty is the whip of the weak, desperate to rein those it wishes to control. A cruel groom does not make a good horseman.

Oft I hear many of the younger maids of the Guard worry that they hath "too much baggage" to capture a lover's heart. My dear lady, all travelers carry baggage. The weight that thou hast carried strengths thy step, not diminishes it.

"With deepest regret I say that thy apothecary be not within our network." -- Words of the utterly deranged.