Guard Town Tarasque

I love gatekeepin'

Oh, the Towne has not been burned to the ground in mine absence. I am pleasantly surprised.

Bugbear? I wouldn't want to.

Thou must learn to guard thyself before thou can guard others That be it send tweet

Fie, mine shoulder is full of knots.

The 2nd day of Guardcon was a bit mundane, but still vital: how to avoid posture-related injuries by leaning on a polearm through the shift.

No shame in using a shield - indeed, there's a lot of wisdom in doing so.

Day one of Guardcon draws to a close. The orator who spoke about the interplay betwixt ignoring rogues obviously sneaking pass a guard and not being stabbed to death was particularly inspiring. "Don't want to meet your end? Say 'It must have been the wind'."

Take notice: I am away for GuardCon for the next week. Please harass the other guards not in mine absence. I shalt send the occasional missive.

Thou may notice the town watch will be a little short staffed. Someone has polymorphed a portion of the muster to be half their normal size and we're working on a fix.

I'm not saying Ser Merritt the Unbound is as clumsy as three kobolds in a suit of armor, I am saying quite literally that I think Ser Merritt is three kobolds in a suit of stolen armor, and at this point, am unsure if none else have noticed or if everyone has simply agreed to accept it.

By any measure of the eye, mine new cloak be of an amateur's work. But I shalt wear it with pride, for it is wrought by mine own hand.

"Thou should drink something healthy, like water". Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!

Word in the court is that the town watch might be getting some chainmail (to share).

The gales of November be upon us.

What a terrible thing they fey hath: to be weak to iron. The most common metal we have.

The Missus has assured me that, were I to perish, she would personally travel unto Mercuria and wrench me from Torm's loving embrace to fulfill mine husbandly duties.

I speak oft of the goods of elves and dwarves, but I must say: if thou had meat smoked and seared by an orc? Thou knowest they surpass their peers in the culinary art.

It be easy to be hard on oneself, and hard to be easy on oneself.

How hard be it to make a good cloak, I wonder?

Has thou ever noticed whenever there is a masquerade it always be a cult or vampire or noble conspiracy thing? It be never just a party?

As a reminder, tomb-raiding is still a crime. Ruins should be examined by scholars, not picked clean by adventurers.

There be never a good reason to underestimate any foe.

Whoever just lanced the town windmill, thou art going to have to pay for that.

The thing that frightens me most is that adventurers can take a mortal wound and just sleep it off. No magic. No potions. Just 8 hours sleep, and their sucking chest wound is gone.

I saw an adventurer with a handsome cloak. I asked where I could make purchase of such a garment. He I formed me it was only available with "premium currency". What bollocks be that? Premium currency??? What, gold be not good enough for thee???

HARK: After many concerning letters. Ser Humpty Dumpty will be making a "show of life" at the palace garden. Tag note: Ser Dumpty has an adverse reaction unto holy water. Do not bring any near him.

Thou may see an increase in ghouls and goblins tonight. As a reminder: THESE ART CHILDREN. Please do not hex/curse/cleave/fireball them.

At this time, The Town Watch will not be making any announcements about Ser Dumpety and his current condition. Thou art directed to thy local town crier for more information.

I am being told that the initial report be misunderstood, and instead, Ser Dumpty had "a fantastic autumn", as opposed to any injuries. The Town Watch, however, has not been able to verify this correction, nor had any contact with Ser Dumpty.

If initial reports art to be believed, local town icon "Humpty Dumpty" may have had a great fall.

I be set to speak before the king in court today.

Mine armor hath enough scuffs and dents to prove it's worth.

Sometimes I'll send a pigeon out with a missive for the public, and then quickly catch it as it takes flight because I realize I hath made a minor spelling mistake upon the parchment.

I tend not to put faith in mercenaries. A few swords for hire be one thing; but they'll put their dagger in ye back if someone else slips them a coin.

Ah, I've gotten the yearly letter "inviting" me to Barovia.

We've been training the new musters to climb walls. For emergencies and the likes. Must say, quite a few sore fingers after today's training.

I should get a new cloak: perhaps elven?

I have a fire within me. And it should be at HOME AND HEARTH not LEDGERING UPON YET MORE PAPERWORK

I was born to LEAN UPON A POLEARM not ADD NUMBERS and WRIT REPORTS. Saveth me from this paper foe

What's rousing, mine rabble?

Fie - behind on the barracks ledgers, I am. It shalt be a weeks of long nights, I fear.

I grew up alongside an elf many a year ago. Odd it feels, to see him still in the bloom of youth. Yet I, more aged and scarred by the maneuvers of time, seem almost double his age by guess of the eye.

Betwixt you and I, I do know what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.

They hath candy made of cotton?What witchcraft be this??? How doth make such a thing sweet????

It goes without saying that the veil betwixt realms grows ever thinner this time o'er season. Be it such, the town watch advises thee to not enter any hallows, or follow any mysterious maidens down any paths less thee be taken to the feywild.

I know this bastard!!! Always showing off his ""window"". If thou wishes for a portal upon thy home, we hath something for that!!!! It be called a "DOOR"

The fey carnival will be in town this week. Remember, no deals or debts. Insist on paying for your tickets, and keep an eye on thy children and siblings.