www.sweatwithpride.com/profile/shar... my nephew’s eldest and their pug puppy out there doing it 💙

Adult colouring is a saving grace at the moment. It gives my hands something to do while I sit with Tony. Once I’m home, it keeps me occupied because I don’t have the mental space for making fresh art.

I resist resting like an over-tired toddler but I’m exhausted. I’m going to try and have a nap.

Settling in for a bit. Marlie & I are sharing a space 🐈 😻

Tony’s been wandering around just holding rail, in pain, had Oxy. Meds review Tues because needing more frequently. As I headed to room he was coming up hall on walker with nurse. Jocelyn said was looking for me. When we got back to his room he needed a hug. Tearful. Couldn’t explain why. 💔

Tony had a muddly confused day. Constantly wanting to go somewhere, get up & dressed (he was), find visitors that don’t exist etc. Very restless and a bit agitated. Super sleepy too, including dropped coffee. We’re definitely back on the downhill.

When I went to the home this morning Tony was in the bathroom. Emerged with no staff member, about to fall over. In the night he’d turned his bedside cabinet around & unplugged the sensor mat. No recollection of either, obviously. I don’t know how he manages it!

First asparagus of the season. 🤤

WIP because I spend a lot of time sitting with Tony 💔

I’ve started doing adult colouring so I can sit quietly with Tony without feeling fidgety. I’m not very patient, so some things are leaf coloured when they’re flowers, or filled in as a block, and I don’t mind in the slightest - oops happens!

I spent quite a bit of time this afternoon convincing Tony he is NOT in a foot race this evening and his is NOT letting them team down if he isn’t there. He didn’t believe me so I had to enlist the staff 😑

If you see this picture post a random image from your device.

Tony part 2. Cindy, the main nurse, had a chat. Said I think this is going to be slow, with him going up and down. Mentioned again that I need to pace myself, there’s plenty of them, only one of me. I’m going to start taking a weekday and Sundays off again provided they don’t call me in.

Tony had good day. Brother visited for 20min, ate lunch, ex ambo mate visited. After lunch a resident popped in. Too tired to be showered but totally with it. Incr pain relief def helps. Foot looks crappy. After yesterday being so awful, it’s a relief, but also - wtf!?

cathsheardart.com/2025/09/30/a... 🙂🩷

Tony ate a couple of mouthfuls at lunch & dinner. Managed to get him settled, listening to music, so went back to work after lunch. When I went back about 3 he was calm & relatively lucid. No recollection of his upset morning thank goodness.

Meeting my hands busy while I sit with Tony.

Cindy called me to resthome. Tony's alert, confused & upset. Doesn't really know where he is, why they haven't flown him to Japan as promised. Worried I've got nowhere to stay bc we're not in Taranaki etc. Can't start calming meds without it being charted. I’m trying to convince him to sleep.

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Tony finally woke up, managed to not set off the sensor mat, locked the bathroom door, fell and of course it took a while to get to him bc of the lock. He’s going to have a sore bum tomorrow but no other apparent damage. Screams into the void…

Spoke to this afternoon’s nurse. Tony’s had breakfast but no other meals. He’s so sleepy they had to give meds on a teaspoon. We probably need to stop them again for choke risk. We can to sub cut Oxy for pain relief. I’m glad I took the day off while he was sleeping comfortably enough.

Alan’s cooking dinner. I can smell venison steaks. It’s so nice to have someone to share the load with.

This was me today…

My art journals bring me so much joy in the creating….

Art journal play time

Day off so changed linen, washed car - good to DO something. Mainly art mind you! Just cleaned up and had to wash 30 paint brushes and 14 ink blending brushes 😂 I always clean up my art desk at the end of a session no matter what.

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Am I supposed to care that people with lots of numbers in their Bsky name are blocking me?

Tony’s brother visited him this morning. He was sleeping deeply, and calm. Unless I hear from the resthome, I’m having a rest ‘n recharge Sunday at home.

Hmm, getting my brain into gear. I need to put a change of clothes in the spare room and pack a small bag with my meds etc. Just in case…

Call from rest home. Tony’s been vomiting, hasn’t eaten today, BPs up but temperature’s ok. They’ll ring me if they think I need to go through. And on we go 💔

Keeping my hands busy playing in a small 4x6” Fabrianio Venezia art journal.

He’s struggling to rest so let’s see if some P!nk helps.

Tony’s awake, lucid. miserable. It’s easier for him when he’s confused and sleepy. Threw up breakfast. Bad headache, which is probably the infection. When I got here they were soaking his foot. It’s out of the water & cleaned up. The discolouration is spreading. Trying to get him to sleep.

Tony’s good friend’s widow visited him today. Wanted me there too, which is fine. But she stayed over an hour ☹️ Her husband only does six months ago, she should know how exhausting it all is.

Tony’s confusion was more subtle today, apart from a giraffe round the corridor with a bunch of bananas! Some of the long rambling stuff reminded me of a drunk toddler… He’s needing more pain relief & the discolouration etc is slowly spreading. As I left this afternoon he said ‘I love you’ 🥺

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I've packed a small journal, pencil, pen & a selection of watercolour crayons so I can keep my hands busy when I'm with Tony today. Just sitting there with nothing to fiddle with it torture...

With everything going on I am keeping a very tight rein on my emotions during the day. Getting my work done, looking after Tony. Some nights, once the house is quiet and the lights are out, I have a little weep. I’m going to be sad when he dies but also relieved. It’s been a long journey.

I’m going to keep talking about Tony & our journey. As a society we’re inclined to sanitise end of life, which means we go into this half blind. It isn’t pretty or easy .. but it’s life happening.

Tony’s confused, even roamed the resthome looking for me despite how frail he is. 2 new black spots on bad foot. We think it’s gangrene starting. Looks like his body isn’t able to fight. I hope it overwhelms his system quickly bc he’s so very uncomfortable all the time & there’s no other end. 💔

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🧵 Tony’s more confused today than yesterday, then suddenly seemingly lucid. Poor muscle control, twitchy so spilling his drinks. We’re having some hilarious conversations. The game show host is a bitch bc she left the room when we needed help - umm, sure. Lots of conspiratorial whispering.

Alan hates wasting food & I’m fine with that. But sometimes his meals leave me speechless. I had scrambled eggs on toast. He had wraps filled with week old roast meat, leftover rice risotto & mashed spud, lettuce and cheese sauce. All in the one wrap… I just 😳

Bump! No bids yet. I appreciate you all so much for sharing 🥺💕

Tonight’s dinner is pheasant and noodles. I’m quite unsure about this.

Me on my way to the rapture

Tony’s been on2 antibiotics for 5 days, infection’s worse. Multiple infection sites on bad foot now. No more oral antibiotics to try. Today he was confused, didn’t eat breakfast/morning tea. When I popped in again later he was on the floor after sliding out of lazyboy. Who knows what’s next.

I’ve been thinking about tomorrow’s rapture. Do I put meat out to defrost for dinner or not? Paralysed by indecision…

And on it goes - updating photos etc of work for sale felt.co.nz/listing/548052