random urge to get a wig

i can't wait for it to become warm enough for me to wear my slutty leather boots plus black socks plus black cargo shorts plus black sleeveless shirt combo again (now with the addition of a military style cap)

the instrumental of power & control by marina seems to go perfectly over basically any acapella

i get a sadistic kind of enjoyment from seeing non natives trying to figure out polish declensions and conjugations lmao

on a regular basis i will get the random itch to learn a new language and then i just don't on my mental list so far i have japanese russian maybe mandarin maybe spanish

might perhaps be going bald perhaps even from stress but it don't matter bc at this rate i won't make it through my 30s anyway :p

kinda funny how every time someone asks how I'm doing & i say "ok" I'm lying to them & myself lmao. like relatively? sure, i was literally stuck in the worst panic state i ever had for weeks and felt like i was dying, p much anything is better that that. but objectively? no, I'd rather not exist

and that's on periodt

any off y'all have experience with fluoxetine and/or sertraline? i might decide to try out one of them (for info, i tried mirtazapine and my body did NOT like it at all. i handled escitalopram alright while i was taking it but it wasn't very effective and was messing with my weight and appearance)

kinda miss the old vocal synth days, everything sounds so.... overly clean, realistic and "mainstream" now, ai voicebanks were a mistake lmao

my, my, what do we have here? something broken it appears! 🗣📢💯

hola maricón putas! :D 💯💯🗣📢 mam złe wiadomości... ich bin heute aufgewacht :0

got it down to under 5,000 today, gonna see if i feel like continuing tomorrow lmao

kinda regret not keeping/making archives of my twitter accounts before deleting them... lmao

god my memory is so bad, absolutely atrocious, early onset dementia levels of fucked

i wonder where all of my lost moots are now, wouldn't be surprised if half of them completely rebranded, switched to some different hobby/community or fully stopped posting

still going thru the few scattered dms and tweets that got lowkey archived thru the notification emails and damn, all that shit is in the past and gone for good now huh

like

oh, there's old twitter dms in there, can't see the entire chat tho, just what the other person sent

30 fuckin thousand emails in my inbox on my oldest and most used account, cleaning this shit out is gonna take hours. kill me (i literally never delete emails and am now suffering the consequences of my own inactions)

i miss before 2018

going thru my inbox backwards and nuking old mails and seeing all of the soundcloud, twitter and etc. email notifications from old mutuals and ppl i used to follow and interact with back then... truly easier times, used to have actual fun online and the energy to actually interact w ppl

slowly getting out of my health anxiety phase but at what cost, now my brain has the time and energy to worry about other things i'm even less capable of influencing

u kno maybe social media n being constantly connected to da entire world do b bad for da brain, actually

messing around i guess

equal temperament was a mistake

still alive btw but it feels like only barely lmao

OPEN UP MY BOOTY HOOOOOLE DADDY GET TO FISTIN TILL I'M SWOLE WITH SOME BOXIN GLOVES ON 💯‼️🗣📢‼️‼️‼️

officially back home now, gonna take a couple of days to get used to it again

finally going back home on tuesday

i continue to be the hottest bitch in this loony bin, and that's on periodt 💅

the 2nd half of today went pretty well actually and i genuinely felt good again for a substantial amount of time

guess who's still at the psychotherapy clinic. the most annoying thing is that i don't have my pc with me so i can't even work on my projects in all the free time i have here. i can try using lmms again on the low-spec laptop i have w me ig, no way it could run fl studio tho

i have succefully infiltrated the inpatient psychiatry, let's see how long I'll have to stay here until i feel better

genuinely, im feeling absolutely horrible

welp im going to the psych ward it seems...

i keep saying i have to finish this one and then i just don't...

the moon was orange af tonight

the day i give any of the remixes a normal ass name is the day y'all know i lost my spark and y'all are permitted to put me down like a horse with a broken leg

slurping up some chia seeds feeling like a lizard gulping down frog eggs

i swear Ive been having the worst mood swings i ever had for the past few days. literally switching between feeling like crying and like Im dying, to barely feeling anything, to feeling upbeat and like everything is alright and then circle right back in the span of an hour. like girl wtf is this?

my ideal form

i would have rather been a brittle star, no thoughts, no feelings, just crawling around on the ocean floor

still feeling sick btw

honestly im pretty sure happy tree friends had changed my brain chemistry when i first stumbled across it at like 12 when watching tv late at night lmao

apparently i weight 66.6kg and honestly that's tea on periodt

me coming across smaller western vocalsynth producers on youtube always be like "i wonder if this person would have me or one of my friends blocked on twitter if i still had an account on there"

got sick w some stomach bug the other day and genuinely felt like i might be dying, that was fun

what's a faggot gotta do to get a free state funded lobotomy in this dumpster of a country frfr